Over the years, my greatest joy and fulfillment has come from my friendships.

Many a time, I have been helped out by good friends who have seen me through thick and thin.

Do you have a lot of good supporting friends who energise and uplift you? Or are you surrounded by people who drain you?

Have a good long hard look at the names in your contacts list and chances are that there are several that you no longer feel like calling.

Is it time you became ruthless and cleared from your life some clutter in the form of “friends”?

True friends are the ones who like you, make you feel good, and accept you as you are. They are the people you laugh with and who stick by you through thick and thin.

However, we all spend so much of our precious time with people who no longer do anything for us.

Begin to let go of such so called friendships from today. Ask yourself – would you prefer to spend more time with the people you love – your partner, children, close family and a few really good friends – or would you rather lose hours with people who just happened to have drifted your way in the same way you drifted into their life.

You can’t be loyal and be there for all your real friends if you try to keep absolutely everyone happy. Also, you are not being unkind either by letting go of friends - you are doing them a favour too.

Ask yourself:-

Does this person share my values?
What am I getting out of this friendship?
Do they lift my energy?
Do I love being in their company?

At the same time, maintain and nurture the true friendships in your life so that they uplift, support and energise you.

Here are some simple tips to do just that:-

1. Accept your real friends just the way they are. Recognise their special qualities and also appreciate their little idiosyncrasies, since it is these which make them unique.

2. Be honest with them. Communicate your feelings, ideas, wants and what makes you happy or unhappy with each other. Create a space between you whereby you can have a flow of honest feelings and questions, knowing that it is safe to do so. Be confident in each other’s capacity to be told the truth and willingness to forgive as and when necessary.

3. Listen to them. You will then know what makes them happy, sad, and mad or simply what is happening in their lives. Conversely let them listen to you. How else will they get to know you and what makes you happy, sad, or mad.

4. Be assertive and make clear your preferences. Get clear about what types of activities you like and don’t like doing. There is no point in you tagging along and feeling resentful all evening.

5. Be reliable. Don’t let your friends down at the last minute. Do keep to arrangements that have been made. After all they might have refused activities with others because of your prior arrangement.

Begin to manage your time well and use a diary to avoid clashes. Otherwise, once you get to be seen as unreliable, friends will start to go elsewhere as they have others to see as well.

6. Remember their special events. Send a card on your friend’s birthday and remember their special events. Perhaps even initiate a celebratory outing. Conversely, also acknowledge other events such as illness by visiting or sending flowers and get well cards.

7. Remain in regular contact. Don’t drop your friends just because the “latest” boy or girl friend has come onto the scene. Well cultivated, good friendships will usually last far longer than that boy or girl friend. Make time for your friends and introduce your partner to them, so that you can all do activities together.

8. Give them space. Don’t email them or be on the phone every day pestering to see them. Respect their space and right to see others. They will respect you more if you are seen to have a life of your own away from them.

Of course the regularity of your contact and meetings with friends will depend on the closeness of your friendship. Judge the pace and decide how often you should be in contact.

9. Give as well as take. Don’t just contact your friends only when you “want” something. People will soon catch on and discard you as a friend. Always remember the favours done for you, and return them.

Be there for your friends in the same way as they were there for you during your hard times.

After all, a friend in need is a friend indeed.