So how was thanks giving day for you?

Being in such close proximity of family and friends did anyone have a fallout or argument at anytime?!

The third article in my series of 4 articles on thanks giving is all about improving our relationships with each other and to review how we all get on with each other.

I believe that if we improve the one to one relations with all the people around us, ultimately relationships on a global level will also improve.

Ultimately, we all do want to have great relationships with everyone in our life.

People will come and go, but their impact and their essence remains with you forever. Every person has a “gift” for you – a lesson – ask what you can learn and receive in each relationship.

The key is to know that people really appreciate honesty and openness in relationships. Always be true to your word and tell it how it is for you. Speak the truth directly and authentically.
This doesn’t however, mean being brutally rude. It is important to also be respectful of other people’s feelings and opinions. Be tactful as appropriate to the situation.

Show your appreciation in all areas of your life. Keep a count of the number of times you say “thank you” every day and keep increasing. Say your thanks genuinely and wholeheartedly to your partner, colleagues, and family; and especially to all those strangers who do so much to make your life convenient and easy, such as shop assistants, the postman and the dustman.

Listen to other people. The greatest gift you can give people is your undivided attention. Practice your listening skills, focus completely on that person and be present. When people are talking to you, stop what you are doing, look straight at them and avoid distractions and interruptions. Your undivided attention tells the other person that you genuinely value them.

Be interested in other people. The emphasis here is on being interested rather than ‘interesting’. Be genuine about this and do not fake it.

Make other people feel important, show everyone that they count and raise their self esteem. By doing so, you will raise your own self esteem too.

Don’t take things personally. What anyone says or does to you is merely a reflection of their own reality. Become immune to what others say and do when it’s negative or hurtful. See it as a gift to you and an opportunity for you to help them.

Stop criticising yourself and others. Criticism can be so demoralizing and destructive for adults and children alike. Become aware of how you speak to the people you care about, and recognize when you are being critical. Ask people for genuine and open feedback about your habits of criticism and be big enough to change your ways.

Truly empathize with other people. Start to listen and understand their point of view. This will help avoid arguments and save you from draining your energy. Anytime you are in a tricky situation, put yourself in their shoes and ask yourself how you would like to be treated.

Remember the old saying – do unto others what you would have done to you.

Stop dumping on others. Do not relieve your own stress by taking it out on someone close to you - this does not help either of you.

Focus on changing yourself - accept and realise that you cannot change anyone else. If a situation bothers you so much, then change it or change your attitude to it. It is all about you and what you bring to any relationship.

Do not make assumptions about other people and situations. Communicate clearly, so as to avoid misunderstandings and conflict. Ask for clarification anytime you are not clear about something. Speak up even if you feel you might sound stupid or naïve – better to be clear now than to have a fall out later. The other person will appreciate where you are coming from.

Stop gossiping about others as it will inevitably come back to you, and affect your relationships. Assume that anyone you are talking about can hear what you are saying about them. Learn to only say good things about others – by this doing this one thing alone, your relationships will soon improve.

Assess where improvement is needed in your relationships, and get committed to improving them.

Here are some tips for doing just that:-

1. Show your appreciation in all areas of your life. Keep a count of the number of times you say “thank you” every day and keep increasing. Say your thanks genuinely and whole heartedly in your relationships with your partner, colleagues, family and especially the strangers who do so much to make your life convenient and easy, such as shop assistants, the postman and the dustman.

2. Listen to other people. The greatest gift you can give people is your undivided attention. Practice listening skills and be completely present for that person. When people are talking to you, stop what you are doing, look straight at them and avoid distractions and interruptions. Your undivided attention tells the other person that you genuinely value them.

3. Be interested in other people. The emphasis here is on being interested rather than “interesting”. People can tell when you are genuinely interested in them or when you are just faking it. It is what you put into a relationship that ultimately determines the quality of that relationship.

4. Make other people feel important. By showing everyone that they count, you raise their self esteem. And you will raise your own too.

5. Don’t take things personally. What anyone says or does to you is not personal and merely a reflection of their own reality. So make yourself immune to what others say and do.

6. Stop criticising others. Criticism can be so demoralising and destructive for adults and children alike. Become aware of how you speak to the people you care about, and recognise when you are being critical. Ask people around you to give you feedback about your habits of criticism and be big enough to change your ways.

7. Empathise with other people. Start to listen and understand the other person’s point of view. This will eliminate arguments and save you draining your energy. Anytime you are in a tricky situation, put yourself in their shoes and ask yourself how you would like to be treated in this situation.

8. Stop dumping on others. Don’t relieve your own stress by taking it out on someone close to you. This doesn’t help either of you.

9. Focus on changing yourself, not other people. Accept and realise that you can’t change anyone else. If a situation bothers you so much, then change yourself. It is all about you and what you bring to any relationship.

10. Don’t make assumptions about other people and situations. Communicate with others clearly so as to avoid misunderstandings and conflict. Remember that everyone is doing the best they can with their current level of knowledge, awareness and understanding.

11. Stop gossiping and bitching about others. It will inevitably come back to you and affect your relationships.

Learn to only say good things about others and your relationships will soon improve. To help you, just remember this quote from author Stephen R Covey:

“Improve relationships with others by assuming that they can hear everything you say about them”.

It is not enough that you just read these series of articles for thanks giving week – you do have to take some action and commit to bringing about change in your life. You will be glad you have done so as almost immediately you will notice the relationships with all the people in your life improving quickly.

Well done and good luck:-)