Comments on: How to Stop Bending over Backwards for Other People all the Time http://www.ArvindDevalia.com/blog/2009/08/25/how-to-stop-bending-over-backwards-for-other-people-all-the-time/ For Yourself and for the World Mon, 22 Mar 2010 11:32:39 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: arvind http://www.ArvindDevalia.com/blog/2009/08/25/how-to-stop-bending-over-backwards-for-other-people-all-the-time/comment-page-1/#comment-1321 arvind Wed, 16 Sep 2009 22:35:52 +0000 http://www.ArvindDevalia.com/blog/?p=1014#comment-1321 Jotika, knowing you and your father well, I can see just what you mean. I have always found you both willing and happy to help anyone out. Sometimes we can all be too "nice" and once in a while it is okay to say NO. I guess there comes a time when you just have to point blank refuse - it is after all about looking after yourself first. If you are not well, who will you ever look after again?! Jotika, knowing you and your father well, I can see just what you mean. I have always found you both willing and happy to help anyone out.

Sometimes we can all be too “nice” and once in a while it is okay to say NO.

I guess there comes a time when you just have to point blank refuse – it is after all about looking after yourself first. If you are not well, who will you ever look after again?!

]]> By: jotika kukadia http://www.ArvindDevalia.com/blog/2009/08/25/how-to-stop-bending-over-backwards-for-other-people-all-the-time/comment-page-1/#comment-1317 jotika kukadia Tue, 15 Sep 2009 17:51:55 +0000 http://www.ArvindDevalia.com/blog/?p=1014#comment-1317 I am forever bending backwards for people. My weakness is that I feel guilty if I don't. Unfortunately my father and myself are exactly the same. We always seem to help others to the point that so much advantage is taken from the people that we are helping that we both vow not to help again. I then think I have mug written across my face. The next time someone asks for help. We are back to square 1. We can't say no. I am forever bending backwards for people. My weakness is that I feel guilty if I don’t. Unfortunately my father and myself are exactly the same. We always seem to help others to the point that so much advantage is taken from the people that we are helping that we both vow not to help again. I then think I have mug written across my face.

The next time someone asks for help. We are back to square 1. We can’t say no.

]]> By: Arvind http://www.ArvindDevalia.com/blog/2009/08/25/how-to-stop-bending-over-backwards-for-other-people-all-the-time/comment-page-1/#comment-1304 Arvind Fri, 11 Sep 2009 17:12:26 +0000 http://www.ArvindDevalia.com/blog/?p=1014#comment-1304 Meghashyam, well done for realising that your needs are important to you and realising that what you truly want deep down is really what matters to you. I bet your true friends now also appreciate and respect you more. That's what I usually find - the moment you respect yourself more, then those around you also do the same. Meghashyam, well done for realising that your needs are important to you and realising that what you truly want deep down is really what matters to you.

I bet your true friends now also appreciate and respect you more. That’s what I usually find – the moment you respect yourself more, then those around you also do the same.

]]> By: Meghashyam http://www.ArvindDevalia.com/blog/2009/08/25/how-to-stop-bending-over-backwards-for-other-people-all-the-time/comment-page-1/#comment-1298 Meghashyam Fri, 11 Sep 2009 07:17:16 +0000 http://www.ArvindDevalia.com/blog/?p=1014#comment-1298 Hey Arvind, I really relate to point one. There was a time when I was so lost in what I "should" do, that I blamed myself if I did not help someone to the extent of abusing myself. It took a lot of telling myself that my needs were important to me and that "doing what I really wanted was the only true and fulfilling way to live." Now I feel that doing what I truly want is all that really, really matters deep down. And very interestingly I now find that I really want to help out many, many times and feel vey nice about it! After all what is the point of friendship without genuineness? Thank you for your "connecting" post. :) Hey Arvind, I really relate to point one. There was a time when I was so lost in what I “should” do, that I blamed myself if I did not help someone to the extent of abusing myself.

It took a lot of telling myself that my needs were important to me and that “doing what I really wanted was the only true and fulfilling way to live.”

Now I feel that doing what I truly want is all that really, really matters deep down. And very interestingly I now find that I really want to help out many, many times and feel vey nice about it!

After all what is the point of friendship without genuineness?

Thank you for your “connecting” post. :)

]]> By: Mindful Living Today » Blog Archive » How to Stop Bending over Backwards for Other People all the Time http://www.ArvindDevalia.com/blog/2009/08/25/how-to-stop-bending-over-backwards-for-other-people-all-the-time/comment-page-1/#comment-1276 Mindful Living Today » Blog Archive » How to Stop Bending over Backwards for Other People all the Time Tue, 08 Sep 2009 16:26:19 +0000 http://www.ArvindDevalia.com/blog/?p=1014#comment-1276 [...] Zen Habits 08 Sep How to Stop Bending over Backwards for Other People all the Time Jenn Hello there! If you are new here, you might want to subscribe to the RSS feed for updates on this topic.Powered by WP Greet BoxIf you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!Here is another great post from Arvind Devalia s “Make It Happen” called How to Stop Bending over Backwards for Other People all the Time. [...] [...] Zen Habits 08 Sep How to Stop Bending over Backwards for Other People all the Time Jenn Hello there! If you are new here, you might want to subscribe to the RSS feed for updates on this topic.Powered by WP Greet BoxIf you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!Here is another great post from Arvind Devalia s “Make It Happen” called How to Stop Bending over Backwards for Other People all the Time. [...]

]]> By: arvind http://www.ArvindDevalia.com/blog/2009/08/25/how-to-stop-bending-over-backwards-for-other-people-all-the-time/comment-page-1/#comment-1247 arvind Fri, 04 Sep 2009 23:18:58 +0000 http://www.ArvindDevalia.com/blog/?p=1014#comment-1247 Charley, I guess it is okay to be passive but not to the point where you become a mat for otehrs to trod all over. I do agree with you about most battles in life not worth fighting ovre – a good example is when someone races away from us at the traffic lights or if someones cuts us of on the road. Well, they might arrive at their destination five seconds earlier than you, but so what? It is great to have certain procedures or anchor to shift our state when we are at the point of erupting after too much resentful giving in. This is key in probably the most important external relationship in our life i.e. with our other half. Charley, thanks too for the feedback about the article layout – it helps to know what is working for my readers. Charley, I guess it is okay to be passive but not to the point where you become a mat for otehrs to trod all over.

I do agree with you about most battles in life not worth fighting ovre – a good example is when someone races away from us at the traffic lights or if someones cuts us of on the road. Well, they might arrive at their destination five seconds earlier than you, but so what?

It is great to have certain procedures or anchor to shift our state when we are at the point of erupting after too much resentful giving in. This is key in probably the most important external relationship in our life i.e. with our other half.

Charley, thanks too for the feedback about the article layout – it helps to know what is working for my readers.

]]> By: arvind http://www.ArvindDevalia.com/blog/2009/08/25/how-to-stop-bending-over-backwards-for-other-people-all-the-time/comment-page-1/#comment-1246 arvind Fri, 04 Sep 2009 23:17:35 +0000 http://www.ArvindDevalia.com/blog/?p=1014#comment-1246 Tania – I can vouch for you in confirming how far you have come in the time I have known you. In the last 5 years you have certainly blossomed and part of that process has been letting go and looking after yourself more. And I guess you will be doing this more than ever before from now onwards on the health front. Tania – I can vouch for you in confirming how far you have come in the time I have known you.

In the last 5 years you have certainly blossomed and part of that process has been letting go and looking after yourself more. And I guess you will be doing this more than ever before from now onwards on the health front.

]]> By: arvind http://www.ArvindDevalia.com/blog/2009/08/25/how-to-stop-bending-over-backwards-for-other-people-all-the-time/comment-page-1/#comment-1241 arvind Thu, 03 Sep 2009 15:47:57 +0000 http://www.ArvindDevalia.com/blog/?p=1014#comment-1241 Thanks Amit for sharing your story. Weddings can be very taut and tense affairs so maybe your friend's friend didn't really intend to be unappreciative. I remember a time when a friend went and helped out at his friend's sister's Indian wedding. It was a grand affaird and my friend spent a couple of hours helping out in the kitchen before he realised he was at the wrong wedding!!! So sometimes the universe balances things out:-) Thanks Amit for sharing your story.

Weddings can be very taut and tense affairs so maybe your friend’s friend didn’t really intend to be unappreciative.

I remember a time when a friend went and helped out at his friend’s sister’s Indian wedding. It was a grand affaird and my friend spent a couple of hours helping out in the kitchen before he realised he was at the wrong wedding!!!

So sometimes the universe balances things out:-)

]]> By: Amit http://www.ArvindDevalia.com/blog/2009/08/25/how-to-stop-bending-over-backwards-for-other-people-all-the-time/comment-page-1/#comment-1236 Amit Thu, 03 Sep 2009 14:22:20 +0000 http://www.ArvindDevalia.com/blog/?p=1014#comment-1236 I can so totally relate and a perfect example of a few days ago when a friend of mine was helping another friend for their wedding. She did so much and got such little appreciation that she ended up walking away feeling bitter. I learned this lesson well a long time ago and I've never looked back! Superb post! :-) x I can so totally relate and a perfect example of a few days ago when a friend of mine was helping another friend for their wedding. She did so much and got such little appreciation that she ended up walking away feeling bitter.

I learned this lesson well a long time ago and I’ve never looked back!

Superb post! :-) x

]]> By: Walter http://www.ArvindDevalia.com/blog/2009/08/25/how-to-stop-bending-over-backwards-for-other-people-all-the-time/comment-page-1/#comment-1227 Walter Tue, 01 Sep 2009 05:55:57 +0000 http://www.ArvindDevalia.com/blog/?p=1014#comment-1227 This is not an easy realization. One must have the courage and firmness to face the challenges you have stated above. But mastering this principle will be truly liberating. :-) This is not an easy realization. One must have the courage and firmness to face the challenges you have stated above. But mastering this principle will be truly liberating. :-)

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