Be Special to Find the Special One

Have you noticed how so many single people are on a quest to find “the one”?

They are looking for that one “special” person they have been waiting for all their life – the one who will supposedly sweep them away, and in one magical moment take away all their problems and make the world right for them.

Are you single and does that description resonate with you? And if you are not single, just how “special” is your relationship?

I have been looking a lot into the area of relationships lately. Firstly let me be clear that is perfectly okay to be single – here is a great article by my friend Amit about how to be single and enjoy every second
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The question that we first have to answer here is what does “special” really mean to you? Even more importantly, just how “special” are you?!

Firstly let us begin by looking at just what special means. In order to clarify for myself, I put out a request on Facebook asking people just special meant to them and I got back a number of definitions. Isn’t it wonderful when so many people are ready to share their wisdom?

Special is a word that is used to describe something one-of-a-kind like a hug, or a sunset, or a person who spreads love with a smile or kind gesture.

Special describes people who act from the heart and keep in mind the hearts of others.

Special applies to something that is admired and precious and which can never be replaced.

Special is the word that best describes you –

Author Unknown (thanks to Nagina Shah)

It is believed that a person’s uniqueness is what makes them special. But just how do you define unique?!

Uniqueness in a person is seen to be something about them that makes them different from everyone else. This person has their own style and approach to life, perhaps in the way they dress and speak, their personality traits and the way they carry themselves.

It is really someone who is confident in their own skin and their chosen path and someone who knows what they want. Having confidence in yourself certainly makes you seem very special in most people’s eyes.

What makes one person special to you and not to someone else?

“Special” is a quality either realised or in potential state that can be seen in a person.
Being special is also about just those qualities that you look for in another person.

When you find some of these qualities in a person, you may deem that person to be “special”. For example, for my friend Shola, her partner should be compassionate to others – that would make him “special” to her, amongst other things.

As Shola also said, sometimes we see a person in their wholeness and greatness – this we call special. It’s not always about specialness in the context of a relationship.

Ultimately, everyone is special but in the context of an intimate relationship, which is what we are discussing here, it is clear that some qualities will definitely make you more special and appealing to a potential partner.

Knowing what you would consider and desire as “special” in a potential partner is actually a great place to start in cultivating and polishing your own special traits.

Why should you make yourself special?

Assuming that you are single and you want to meet the special one, believe it or not, the best place to start is with you!

Think about it – if you want to attract a really special person into your life, why should they choose you?!

For some people the chase is more exciting than actually being in a special relationship.

Remember the Groucho Marx quote:-

I don’t care to belong to any club that will have me as a member”. Groucho Marx

Assuming that you are serious and intentional in creating a special relationship, then please continue reading.

To create the relationship of your life and attract your dream partner, become the sort of person you want to be with. This means you cultivate those noble qualities that you would want in your partner. In other words, become special to get the special one!

Maybe it is high time you got down to becoming special yourself. I present my 13 suggestions ideas below.

But before you go through them all, here is a key suggestion for you. As you go through each one, imagine how you would like your special, dream partner to be be in each area. Then you go out and become just like that!

There really is no rocket science here – become the sort of special person that you would like to attract.

1. Work on your own growth and personal development

Be the best you can be. Who would you like to be with – someone who just lives day to day or someone who has a vision for their life and seeks to better himself as a person?

Are you into just material growth or do you follow personal and spiritual development?

The key here is that you get to accept and love yourself as you are. I am not suggesting you start preening yourself like a peacock or you create a superego, but just learning to accept yourself, warts and all.

You really have to love your self before you can love anyone else.

You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly. – Sam Keen

2. Be kind and considerate to others.

How do you treat people around you?

Are you gracious and polite to the people who make life so easy and convenient for you such as waiters/waitresses, shop assistants etc? Or are you rude?

Are you blunt and rude with the people that matter the most in your life and are the closest to you i.e. your family?

Do you gossip and bitch about others in their absence?

What would your special partner think of you if she saw you behaving in that manner?

It is simple really – treat others the way you would want them to treat you. Literally put yourselves in their shoes and see how your own behaviour softens and comes from a more noble, loftier place.

Also, the way you treat other people is ultimately how you will end up treating your partner. So spend some time, honestly reflecting on just how you treat other people.

Become a people person. Learn how to become more likeable and amicalble.

Here are my 10 secrets for making people like you – in the nicest possible way of course!

3. Follow a life of purpose

If you are going to spend the rest of your life (hopefully) with the special one, then that is a long time! So once the initial euphoria and excitement has worn off, what will keep you together?

You need a common life purpose, something meaningful and deep that will keep you together and going strong when the bills are piling up and the metaphoric dark clouds are overhead.

However not knowing your life purpose does not mean that you now spend the next few years seeking your life purpose and putting your relationship desires on hold. Simply choose to live a life of love and kindness – and make that your purpose.

4. Get clear about relationships and what you desire

As well as getting clear about what you want in your life, also reflect on what you desire in a relationship and a partner – the clearer you are, the easier it is to find someone like that.

It is probably worth while spending a bit of time on this – reflect on past relationships and what worked / what didn’t. You may also look around for role models in your life.

Please stay away from looking for role models in the media amongst so called celebrities or in soap operas!

5. Take great self-care

Do you look after your health or are you a couch potato?

Think about it – once you are with the “special” one, you will need a lot of energy for all that fun with each other.

Focus on becoming healthy and fit – a little bit every day will go a long way. Don’t go crazy, just follow a simple sustained programme of improvement.

6. Keep your home and space clutter free

If you met the special one today, is your home fit enough for them to visit you?

This is perhaps one of the most important things you can do to make yourself more special. Clear out the junk from your life and your home. Yo will also benefit subsconsciously.

Start here by taking my clutter quiz. Every question where you have answered YES is an area for immediate action. No holding back!

Remember – why would someone special go for a slob?!

7. Follow your passion and create a fun life

You must already have a life of your own before you can invite the special one into your life.

Be passionate about your life and your special interests. Follow your interests such as salsa, hiking, sports – anything that tickles your fancy. Do things on your own or with friends.

Don’t wait till you find your special one to begin living. Start now!

Also by doing so, you are more likely to meet the special one during such activities.

8. Learn new things

Do you take part in the same, routine activities or do you try out new things?

By taking part in new activities, not only will you be making new friends and learning new things, you also become more interesting to potential partners.

A while ago, I took up African drumming and I made many new friends through this, as well as learning a really enjoyable hobby.

Here is a challenge for you – in the next 7 days, do something completely different and let me know how you got on:-)

9. Let go of the past

This is a big one – are you being held back by your past? Do you still harbour regrets over past “failed” relationships and resentment against ex-partners?

Deal with any past issues and partners now rather than when you meet the one. Let go of your baggage.

Of course many deep seated issues can also be addressed with a close, loving partner, but that will be a topic for a future article.

If need be, seek out specialist help from a coach, counsellor or therapist. Remember, you want to be as whole and complete as possible before you meet the special one.

10. Have an abundant, generous attitude

As well as being kind to all around you, adopt an abundant and generous approach to life.

Do you think the special one will be attracted to someone who is tight or a cheapskate?

Be open and generous with your praise, material goods, money, resources, wisdom and time.

Read here about abundance, abundance, abundance – and apply in your life from now onwards.

Of course don’t flaunt your wealth or be a showoff and only share your opinion or wisdom where appropriate and with permission. Don’t be a smart alec!

11. Become refined

Look for any rough edges in your behaviour that could be polished up. For example, do you swear a lot, tell really crude jokes or often get drunk and legless? Do you lose your temper easily?

If so, then address those rough edges soon before your special one sees just how crude you are!

Of course you may well choose to continue with those traits if that’s what you also want in your partner, but I suspect not.

12. Be emotionally mature

Will your partner be able to express their feelings and viewpoints without you switching off, becoming cold or even jumping down their throat?

Just how easy going and amenable are you?

Will you bring out the best in your partner, or will you stifle them?

I love you, not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.
- Roy Croft

Ask your close family and friends for feedback about this – or if you are really brave and open to possibly critical feedback, ask ex-partners.

Seek help in this area if appropriate.

13. Develop a sense of humour

Fianlly, you must be a fun person to be around with. Otherwise why would any one special even seek you out?

Learn to be light-hearted about things and don’t let any minor little thing get your back up.

Learn to laugh easily and often – lighten up. Life is too short to be grumpy, regardless of whether you are single or not.

Remember to smile and to smile often. Everytime you smile, someone could be falling in love with you in that moment. – Unknown

The real reason for becoming special

So there you are, my 13 pointers to creating a more special you, in readiness for the relationship of your life.

Actually, whether or not you are seeking the special one, or if you are already in a relationship, adopting all of the above principles will make you a better, more rounded human being any way.

And what reason than that to start becoming more special from today onwards?!

Please do share below your own insights about becoming special – and seeking out the special one.