Make It Happen » Love is all that matters

Why You Shouldn’t See the Japanese Earthquake as a Hollywood Disaster Movie Set

Arvind Devalia — Thu, 17 Mar 2011 16:53:58 +0000

A week ago life changed forever for the people of Japan.

Unless you have been living in a monastery, by now you will heard of the earthquake which hit the region around Japan. The subsequent Tsunami and nuclear power fallout has meant that the world will never be the same again.

What we are seeing is a human tragedy on such a vast scale, it’s beyond our comprehension. The earthquake happened in an instant and not even an economic superpower can withstand this force of nature.

The blanket media coverage of this catastrophe has been relentless – it’s almost as if we are all drawn to tragedy and suffering.

Some of the videos of the massive Tsunami waves have been quite horrific, yet spectacular and somehow hard to stop watching.

Newspapers have also had such graphic images of all the death and destruction, the danger is that we can all switch off and not really take in the scale and immensity of what’s happening in the world today, not only in Japan but also places like Libya and Bahrain.

The massive coverage got to a point earlier this week when I felt I just had to get away from all media and take some time out. Your psyche can only take so much grief and suffering.

The danger of blanket coverage of such natural disasters is this – we become hardened and we get compassion fatigue.

The thing is this – we feel so powerless amidst such suffering. And the more we watch, the more closed off and harder we can become to all this suffering.

So next time you watch a report about the earthquake, just remember – this is real life and not the set of a Hollywood movie.

These are real people and not actors whose lives have been devastated and who have suffered terrible losses of loved ones, possessions and livelihoods.

Remember that life will never be the same again for them, whereas most of us will continue our lives as before.

Coverage of such events calls for being sensitive and allowing the affected people space and time to grieve over their losses.

I felt that some of the coverage could have been more been sensitive. Yes, journalists and media people are doing their job, but how about bringing more humanness in to their reporting?

So here is the take away from this post – do what you can in your own way to alleviate the suffering of the affected people. For instance, this could be donating through one of the many major charities, contributing some goods and if nothing else just sending positive thoughts.

The last thing you want to do is become down and upset about something you had no control over.

At the end of the day, the best thing you can do is to continue to live your life fully. The speed and scale of this tragedy is a reminder to all of us to make the most of each day.

So live your life fully each day and make a difference in the world in your own way. Just continue to be kind and loving towards those people around you – and no matter what happens, you will know that you have done your best.

And never ever become immune to showing compassion to others.

Your life can be like a movie – but just know that right now, Japan is not a Hollywood set.

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Image courtesy of Official U.S. Navy Imagery

May Day and Time to Set up Some New Habits

How to Always Speak With a Kind Heart

Arvind Devalia — Fri, 29 Oct 2010 11:02:56 +0000

This is a very special guest post from Courtney Carver

Please consider this:

People may not remember what you said, or what you did, but they will always remember how you made them feel.

You may have heard that before, but when you really think about it, you will realise that you actually have great power and responsibility in each of your day to day interactions.

Whether it is a business or social conversation, by thinking about what you say, and how you deliver the message, you have the power to make a great connection.

You have the power to contribute something meaningful, and you also have the power to be hurtful.

Always use your power for good and speak with a kind heart.

Here are my 8 key tips to do just that:-

1. Speak Thoughtfully

While your words may not be remembered years later, choose them carefully.

If the saying “you are only as good as your word” is true, than it only makes sense to speak good words, or words that reflect who you really are.

“Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace.” – Buddha

2. Speak Kindly

Being kind doesn’t mean that you can’t make your point. Being kind doesn’t mean that you can’t be direct. Being kind will show that you care, regardless of the message.

By sharing your compassion, you might change how someone feels about themselves or a situation.

3. Listen

If you are only thinking about what you are going to say next, you are missing half of the conversation!

If you ask a question, wait patiently for the answer. Even 10 seconds of no talking can seem like an eternity.

“The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.” – Mark Twain

We often like to fill up empty space, especially quiet, empty space, but don’t be afraid of silence.

Sometimes, it is in that quietness that the really good stuff starts to happen.

4. Reserve Judgement

Before you enter a conversation, especially with someone you don’t know very well, it is easy to make a snap judgement.

Before words even come out of their mouth, you have likely formed an opinion.

This may be because of the way they are dressed, a look you thought they gave you, or a story you heard about them.

Make a point to let that go, so you can really hear what they are saying. Do what you need to do to think of them in a loving way.

It might help to think about their family. Are they a father? A daughter? Who loves them?

Giving 30 seconds to think this through will really humanise the conversation.

If you consciously think about the fact that they are in this world, trying to make a great life, just like you, then you will be more invested in the interaction.

5. Be honest

Speak with integrity and tell the truth. If the truth hurts, be compassionate, but be honest.

This goes especially for business conversations. It’s natural to want to be nice instead of honest, especially if someone is trying to sell you something you don’t need or want. Your honesty will save everyone time.

This is especially important in more serious conversations, for instance, breaking up business or personal relationships, when you say (in so many words), “You are not for me”.

Remember you aren’t saying, “You are not for anyone.”

It is important to get that message across. Just because a person, business, or product is not right for you, doesn’t mean that they are not perfect for someone else.

Don’t say everything - some things really are better left unsaid.

6. Consider another opinion

Make sure your argument isn’t about being right. Perhaps there is an option or opinion that really is better than yours.

This doesn’t make your opinion less valid, and your openness to a new idea, will likely turn into a new opportunity.

7. Don’t yell

Once you raise your voice, your words become irrelevant.

Once you yell, you are talking at someone, not with them. When you yell, the only thing someone else is thinking is, “I can’t believe they are yelling.” or “What a jerk.” or some variation of that.

When you yell, you lose control and make the conversation about something completely different.

Instead, when you feel like yelling, lower your voice. Speak softly. You will likely get the point across in a more profound way.

If speaking softly doesn’t work for you, be quiet. Collect your thoughts, take a deep breath, walk away or do something that will distract you from yelling.

8. Say thank you

There is always time before, during and after a conversation to say thank you.

Thank you for meeting me here. Thank you for bringing that up. Thank you for taking the time to talk. Thanks for the inspiration.

If nothing else, a simple, thanks for your time applies every time.

The way forward – always walk and talk with a kind heart

Conversations happen all the time, but they don’t always happen with a kind heart.

“Always aim at complete harmony of thought and word and deed. Always aim at purifying your thoughts and everything will be well.” – Gandhi

If you approach every conversation as an opportunity to learn something new and to treat someone with respect, instead of as a time to speak your mind, your message will be heard, loud and clear.

You will be trusted and more importantly, you really will be as good as your word.

Courtney is a writer and fine art photographer. She writes about simplifying and living life on purpose at Be More with Less. You can also follow her on Twitter.

Image courtesy of Moriza

Mother Teresa – 6 Key Life Lessons from a 100 Year Old Woman

Arvind Devalia — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 12:56:21 +0000

Today is the 100th anniversary of the birth of Mother Teresa.

She would have been 100 years old today had she not passed away in September 1997.

A while ago I wrote about the 6 key lessons in life from a 140 year old man.

Just like Mahatma Gandhi, though Mother Teresa may not be around anymore, her legacy and message of peace and love live on – something that we need in our lives more than ever before.

A while ago, I wrote about Mother Teresa and what she had to say about loneliness, love and peace

We need more compassion, understanding and acceptance of other people and their cultures. As I wrote only last week, Muslims love their children too.

(As bloggers, a lot of us already know about love and being a great lover – check out my 12 reasons why bloggers make the best lovers).

On this day of celebration of her life, what inspiration and learnings can we take from her life?

To start with, check out this wonderful YouTube video which has set some of her most inspirational words to soothing music.

(For those of you reading this via email, please click here)

No matter what your religious beliefs or your faith, we can all learn something from her life.

“There is more hunger in the world for love and appreciation in this world than for bread. We think sometimes that poverty is only being hungry, naked and homeless.

The poverty of being unwanted, unloved and uncared for is the greatest poverty. We must start in our own homes to remedy this kind of poverty. – Mother Teresa

Here are her 6 key lessons:-

1. Take up a great cause

Mother Teresa spent over 60 years of her life in the slums of Calcutta and devoted all of her life to service of the poor, especially lepers, the sick, the dying and the abandoned.

It took a lot of resolve, determination and faith to keep going in the face of incredible difficulties and challenges.

She put herself through a lot of hardships – or what would seem like hardships to me and perhaps you too.

Now I am not saying that you too should devote your life to those living in slums and give up your current life of relative comforts. You just have to find your own small or grand cause.

Learn to feel the fear and change the world anyway.

I for one do like my world comforts and I am sure you do too. And you know what, that’s perfectly fine. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Just don’t be wasteful.

2. Start with your home and those around you

You don’t need to go to a remote place to make a difference. Start with your own home and community.

Also, you don’t need to make huge sacrifices or give money. Learn to contribute from the heart and not just the pocket.

If nothing else, just spend a bit of time with those are lonely and alone. And of course, start in your own home:-

“It is easy to love the people far away. It is not always easy to love those close to us. It is easier to give a cup of rice to relieve hunger than to relieve the loneliness and pain of someone unloved in our own home. Bring love into your home for this is where our love for each other must start” – Mother Teresa

Finally remember that peace in the world begins with you, your home and your children:-

“Everybody today seems to be in such a terrible rush, anxious for greater developments and greater riches and so on, so that children have very little time for their parents.

Parents have very little time for each other, and in the home begins the disruption of peace of the world” – Mother Teresa

3. Have a solid personal foundation

Mother Teresa had a solid foundation that kept her going through all the turmoil and challenges in her life – her strong faith.

It has been well documented how throughout her life she faced personal doubts about her faith and how she ran her missions. But her core values of love and wanting to serve others kept her going.

In your life, you too need a strong personal foundation to build your life on.

“In this life we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love” – Mother Teresa

What are your core beliefs and values? What will you never compromise on?

And if you were to follow the path set by Mother Teresa, just what would you do?

(Please share your answers below in comments)

4. Create a tribe

Once you are aligned to a great cause and you have a core foundation, you would do well to create a following or as it’s more fashionably described nowadays, a tribe.

I guess we have Seth Godin to thank for that.

Mother Teresa was lucky in that she had the backing and resources of a vast and powerful organisation, her church. On the back of that she created Missionaries of Charity – a group of devoted sisters who carried out work and spread her message of love and compassion around Calcutta in India, and then ultimately around the world. A lot of work focussed on looking after the poor and unwanted.

“Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.” – Mother Teresa

Part of creating a tribe is to be media savvy and Mother Teresa always capitalised on any opportunity to promote her cause and to raise funds.

Just think what she would have done with all the social media tools at her behest!

5. Ride through controversy

When you take on a big challenge or commit to any cause, you often run into controversy and conflict.

Mother Teresa went through a lot of controversy and criticism about her style and method of helping.

But she rode through them and remained committed to her faith and work.

In your own life, you too may face some challenges to your authority and integrity. Learn to look through people’s hidden agendas and remain true to your cause.

If need be, take time out for yourself and reaffirm that you are truly on your chosen path. It’s also okay to change course if it feels like the right thing to do so.

6. Keep smiling and loving

Mother Teresa’s most endearing and enduring qualities were her ability to keep smiling and loving, even faced with the harshest of challenges.

If you come from a place of love and with a mindset of helping, then somehow you will find the ability and internal resources to do so. Somehow things will just work out for you.

“Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.” – Mother Teresa

Indeed, the key message of Mother Teresa’s life really was about love. As she said so eloquently:-

“If we want a love message to be heard, it has got to be sent out. To keep a lamp burning, we have to keep putting oil in it.”

So how can you spread this love message around the world?

You can do so by following Mother Teresa’s 6 key life lessons and by looking to spread your love in whatever small or large way that feels right for you.

As she said, learn to do ordinary things with extraordinary love.

The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread. – Mother Teresa

Launch of “Love is all that matters”

As for my part, today I am delighted to announce the soft launch of my new website – Love is all that matters.

For now, this is only a simple page inviting you to sign up for my daily email messages about love. I am currently writing an ebook about love and relationships which will be available in a few weeks.

Please do sign up and on Mother Teresa’s 100th birthday, help me spread her message about love and compassion. This is just the sort of birthday present she would have liked!

And please do also share via your comments which one or more of her 6 key lessons you will begin to apply from today in your life.

Do You Believe Muslims Love Their Children Too?

Arvind Devalia — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 15:19:49 +0000

Have you ever had your home and all your worldly possessions swept away by a giant wall of water?

If you are able to read this right now, then probably not. But for a quirk of fate, this is exactly what could have happened to you. And this is just what’s happened to over 20 million people in Pakistan.

We are in the middle of one of the worst human tragedies ever – probably the greatest overnight displacement of human beings in our history.

Unless you have been avoiding all media for the last 2 weeks, you will know that there has been a major natural catastrophe in Pakistan, where millions of people have been affected by the worst flooding in almost a century.

Thousands have died and millions have lost everything they own.

Check out these “21 faces of The Pakistan Flood” from my blogging friend Abubakar Jamil who actually lives in Pakistan and is able to share with us his very personal experiences.

As you see these images, you cannot fail to be moved by the plight of all these millions of people.

Most people are driven to do something to help. If you are too, then please do so and donate to AAJ Relief.

This is the charity personally recommended by Abubakar, and endorsed in his article “How to ensure that your help actually reaches the Pakistan flood victims“.

As Abubakar says:-

“Never for a single moment think, that you are helping some flood victims, living in a far away land, unknown to you.

Just know that you are helping yourself.

Because, in the final analysis, we are all connected to each other, we are all one.”

Yet for me what has been surprising and disturbing is the apparently muted response from countries around the world.

Though aid agencies and charities have been pleading for urgent help, the response has not been as generous and rapid as has been in previous natural disasters such as the Tsunami in December 2004.

Now I am wondering why this could be – maybe the economic times but surely not compassion fatigue?

Or could there be a deeper, more sinister reason? Is it because of where this disaster has happened?

I am sure the world wants to help – but the situations needs much more urgency as so many lives and livelihoods are at risk.

This also reminds me of just how much “islamophia” in the world today. It is unbelievable – it’s almost as if some people just need to find a group or someone to blame for all the challenges we face today.

Right now, there is a very heated debate going on in the USA over the sitting of a proposed Islamic community centre and mosque near ground zero.

Even President Obama has had to state his position. As he said, Muslims “have the same right to practice their religion as anyone else in this country”.

Of course, this would not have been a controversy if it was a proposal to build a synagogue or a church.

What’s being forgotten is that the people behind the proposal have as much to do with the 9/11 bombers as you and I. Zilch. Nothing.

This Islamic centre could actually be a perfect way of uniting people and spreading more awareness of just what Islam stands for.

Maybe it just boils down to this – the perception of all Muslims as gun-toting terrorists. And yet the truth is so much further from this.

Like all decent people around the world, all Muslims don’t condone the terrorism as carried out by those few extreme, supposed believers of their faith.

At the same time, we also have such extremists in all ethnic and religious groups. You just have to remember what’s happened over two decades in the name of ethnic cleansing in places like Serbia, Sudan and Rwanda to name just a few.

There are atrocities happening everywhere, with the perpetrators never brought to justice. Closer to my own ancestral home, India, over eight years after hundreds of Muslims were killed in Gujarat, not one person has yet been brought to justice.

What is your perception of a Muslim? Do you think that all Muslims are gun wielding terrorists?

If so, then I invite you to revisit your viewpoint right now.

My understanding of a Muslim is someone who follows the Islamic faith. Simple, nothing more, nothing less.

And we can also have white, brown, black Muslims – it has nothing to do with one’s skin colour. It’s just what a person’s faith is and what they believe in.

I have many Muslim friends – and unless you knew about their religious beliefs, you would not notice anything different about them – they are just like you and me.

Do you hold stereotype viewpoints of other people too?

So look at yourself and see how you judge and condone people based on their other characteristics.

For example, do you dislike people with red hair? Or can you even trust short people? I may not have red hair (yet) but I am certainly short – can you still trust me?

You get my point – people are people – regardless of their ethnicity, religious beliefs, country of birth. They have the same hopes and dreams – and they face the same challenges as you and me.

If you want to learn more about someone’s faith, talk to them and have a discussion. Get to know them and you will find that they are just as ordinary and extraordinary, as you and me.

People who follow the Islamic faith are the same too.

And yes, they too love their children just as much as you do.

So we are the same really.

I would like to leave the final words to my friend Abubakar Jamil:-

“In the final analysis, we are all connected to each other, we are all one.”

Photo Credits: AFP and Reuters

How to Suffer Excruciating Pain and Live Again

Arvind Devalia — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 22:30:55 +0000

What’s the most excruciating pain you have ever felt in your life?

I don’t mean physical pain, but the pain of the loss of a loved one. How did you get through?

A while ago, the football (soccer) world was shocked and saddened by the death of the German goalkeeper Robert Enke who committed suicide by walking in front of a train in Germany. It became clear afterwards that he had been suffering from severe depression.

Maybe it is beyond most of us how one can be so unhappy or depressed to take their own life.

How can one be driven to such despair?

I have often written here on my blog about making the most of our life and our time on this planet. I also speak about how there is always a brighter side to everything and how we should always try and be positive.

Well, there is always another side of being positive and this sad case is just one raw example.

We can all get so caught up in being the best, following a “normal” path, and acquiring stuff, that we forget to enjoy life.

If that sounds like you, then here is a great article about how you can stop being your best and enjoy life instead.

The tragic story today about the German goalkeeper seems to have evoked some old unhealed wounds in me.

Can you even imagine what it would be like to be so down and hopeless to take your own life? That must be the ultimate sacrifice.

How awful and helpless the people around him must feel right now?

Today I am going to share something which I have not yet been able to publically, and which I have left buried for over 2 years ago.

In June 2007 my best friend himself committed suicide in the USA, only a week after he had spent a few days with me here in London.

Only a year before, I had been the best man at his wedding. I will always remember the look on his face when I shared some stories of our time together:-)

When he left the UK for the final time, I dropped him off at a station in London so he could take the train to the airport. Little did I know that that was the last time I would see him.

I still didn’t think anything of it when he sent me a really touching and heartfelt text message on his way to the airport, thanking me for all my friendship over the years and saying what a kind friend I had been to him.

It was only afterwards that I realised what he was doing – it was his last ever message.

Then two days before his passing away, he left a voicemail message asking me to call him as he had something to tell me. For some reason I didn’t call him back over the phone but instead sent an email saying I was going to be away over the weekend and could we speak the following Monday.

He emailed me back wishing me all the best for the weekend. And that was that – he took his own life that Sunday, two days later.

The loss of my friend was such a great loss and only now I realise just what he meant to me.

To even write about this loss is a huge thing for me. I am revealing something that has been really painful for me and perhaps I am finally showing some vulnerability – no more cool Arvind:-)

Yes, it is finally okay to show my vulnerability and reveal my own pain and grief.

They say that only when you have lost someone can you really understand and feel what they are going through.

Having also lost my father two years ago, I can empathise a little with the family of Robert Enke. Though the nature of his death also adds to the shock and the grief.

My heart really goes out to the family and friend of Robert. But just how does one console them? How will they get through the next day, week and month?

When a public figure dies in such tragic circumstances, there is usually a huge outpouring of grief and sympathy from the public.

I will always remember just how the UK reacted the day Princess Diana died.

However, it is not just about sharing our grief and showing compassion for those public figures who live in the public glare.

We can also show our compassion to those many people who die in “normal” circumstances.

There have been a spate of deaths in Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan and other areas lately. There was also the killing of soldiers in the USA last week.

At the same time, remember that there are horrendous losses on both sides when there is any war.

Maybe it is just the nature of our time on this planet that we are meant to experience the excruciating pain of a loss?

If that is the case, what can we do for those in shock and grief over the loss of a close one?

Yes, we do live in a beautiful world and there is so much goodness in us and around us.

Yet, life can also give us such heart rending, excruciatingly painful experiences that it takes all we have and much more to even get through each day.

I have seen both sides and I must say that though it was so painful at the time, I am a better, more rounded and grounded human being as a result. I also know that sooner or later in our life as we get older we are going to lose a loved one.

Somehow I used to think that our parents will always be around. I was almost shut off from the possibility of my father not being around one day.

I guess we all do that but knowing that such a separation one day is certain could help us appreciate our time together that much more.

This afternoon when visiting a friend, I got talking to one of his office colleagues who mentioned how he felt something was wrong with him since he still felt so down after the loss of his father over two years ago.

He explained how some friends had told him that this was not normal and he should have “got over” it by now.

I said to my new friend that it was perfectly okay for him to grieve as it was appropriate for him – everyone has a different journey and way of dealing with their loss.

A person’s religious or spiritual path, or even lack of one, could really be a strong support through such a time.

I have already written at length about the loss of my own father and his lessons in compassion.

Now almost two years later, the pain and the loss is still there as ever and not surprisingly, I seem to attract or talk to people with similar losses.

Last weekend, I caught up with a friend after a few years and she explained how she had lost her elderly mother earlier this year after a long fatal illness.

Though my friend was aware of her mother’s imminent passing, when it actually happened the pain was still immense.

She did explain though that in the last few days she has had a great awareness of just how much her mother had loved her and how that love was still there for her and always will be.

In that moment, when my friend shared about her mother’s love, I too felt just how great my father’s love was for me and how it would always be there.

Somehow, when we remember our loved ones we think about all the things we didn’t do or say, or regret some of the things we did say which we wish we hadn’t.

In that moment of feeling my father’s love, it suddenly became clear to me that in the great scheme of things, these regrets did not matter. Somehow I too got a little sense of completion last weekend.

So the question is how can one go through such excruciating pain and live to tell the tale?

Here briefly, are some of the things that have worked for me.

1. Talk about it

Be open and talk about your grief and feelings with close ones. Maybe you have a really good friend who would be willing to just listen and be there for.

Better still discuss things with a family member and you will both be able to help each other’s healing.

2. Spend time on your own

Conversely also spend time on your own. Do what you need to as each person’s journey will be different and will deal with their loss in their own way.

3. Spend time in nature

Do go for long walks in nature, either on your own or with friends. Being in fresh air and exercising will take your mind of things – and also make you present to the majesty of the universe and how we all fit in. Perhaps you will get a sense of the eternalness of our lives.

4. Get special help

If really necessary, consider whether you need any grief counselling. I have never experienced this, but I do wonder if this would have helped me. I did have many supportive friends around me, but I guess professional input would have helped too.

5. Give it time

It is a cliché about time being the great healer and perhaps it is. However I reckon that quite often we do not heal, but just cover it up, only for it to show up later in our lives.

Maybe with time the pain just gets masked. Even now and then, I still feel my loss, it is just not as raw as before.

I kept saying to myself – this too will pass. And guess what, two years have already gone by.

To end, know that anyone can get through the excruciating pain of a personal loss.

There are so many lessons from life and death we can all learn.

Though I can never ever claim to understand the pain that anyone else is going through nor underestimate their anguish, I do know that we are gifted with such resolute strength that we can get through it all – and begin to live once again.

The happy memories of our loved one will always stay with us. And perhaps ultimately that is what counts more than anything else. And also the awareness that their great love for us will always be with us.

That knowledge and awareness really frees us up on our quest for completeness and happiness – which after all is what our departed loved ones would ultimately want for us anyway.

Perhaps on that note, the family and friends of the late German goalkeeper Robert Enke can one day get some solace and peace.

What are your experiences and thoughts on surviving the pain of a loss?

How did you get through?

Please Help to Spread the Word

Please tell your friends about Make It Happen by using the share buttons below.

Every Retweet and Facebook share helps me grow my blog. I look forward to seeing you here again soon.

Thank you for reading! – Arvind

The Day I Saved a Drowning Bug and Why

Arvind Devalia — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 13:14:49 +0000

A few days ago as I brushed my teeth in the morning a miracle happened just before my eyes.

I turned the tap in the bathroom sink and as the water strarted gushing out, I saw a tiny speck swirling about in the rushing water. I jumped and quickly plugged the sinkhole and switched off the water.

I looked more closely and the tiny speck was indeed a tiny bug. I am not sure what swimming stroke it was doing, but it was certainly very frantic and inelegant.

I grabbed a piece of tissue paper and as gently as I could I rescued the bug from the water and started blowing on it as softly as I could, hoping to dry it out and bringing it back to life.

All this happened within seconds and I hoped against hope that the bug would survive the surprise drowning it got, whilst it was simply sunbathing in the morning sunlight filtering through the bathroom window.

As I looked at the bug, it looked so still and there was no sign of any life. I felt sadness and remorse that I had extinguished one little life.

I resumed my teeth brushing and even wondered if I should say a prayer for my departed little friend. Then from the corner of my eye I saw a slight movement on the window sill.

The bug was still alive!

It had dried out, recovered from the “flood” and was now slowly moving around on the tissue paper. I guess in insect land, it would be moving the same way a human moves after regaining consciousness upon fainting.

As I watched, the tiny bug walked around for a while and then a few seconds later it took off just like a helicopter does.

I was filled with relief and joy and my happiness surpassed the level of my sadness from only a few seconds before. I felt that I had just played “god” and had given life back to something. The rest of that day I was on a sheer high.

So what is the lesson here for us?

Well, firstly, it shows that we have deep compassion within us and it extends to all creatures, small and large.

Also, we can indeed play god and make a significant difference to all those around us if we choose to do so. It was also a lesson in trusting, letting go and putting it in the hands of a greater power, whatever form that higher power takes for you.

I now look out for little insects in my sink every time before I open the tap!

On a broader scale, we can also show more kindness and compassion to all those around us.

“Have compassion for all beings, rich and poor alike – each has their suffering. Some suffer too much, others too little.” – Buddha

“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive.” – Dalai Lama

Compassion is about putting yourself in the shoes of the other person and seeing the world from their perspective. It is about feeling their pain and empowering them to be their best. It is not about pity or patronizing.

What we need to do is replace any thoughts of anger hatred and the wish to give harm with thoughts of tolerance, respect, loving kindness and a wish to only benefit others.

When in your life have you showed compassion to others?

What did you learn?

Spend a few minutes right now and recall a time when you have shown kindness and compassion to someone. Didn’t you just feel great afterwards?

Also, compassion is not at all about carrying out grand acts such as saving a life – you can show kindness in small ways too. Even when you give some directions to someone lost, you feel wonderful for having been able to help someone.

You don’t even need to travel half way around the world to make a difference to someone. Indeed compassion begins at home.

Finally, you can learn about compassion from other people in your life, you just have to slow down, become present and more aware.

Check out what I learnt about compassion from my own father.

How will you bring more compassion into the world today?

Lessons in Compassion from Tsunami

Arvind Devalia — Wed, 26 Dec 2007 17:29:25 +0000

It is 3 years to the day today since Tsunami caused so much distruction and death in South East Asia.

On 26th December 2004, the world changed for ever.

As the Tsunami waves caused death and distruction, the world re-discoverd what it was like to be compassionate.

Then in 2005, Katrina devastated New Orleans and the surrounding region; and there was a huge earthquake in Pakistan. Again there was a huge “outbreak” of compassion.

But just how do we harness this force for good? How can we encourage people to carry out acts of kindness and compassion during “normal” times and not just during a natural catastrophe?

It is time we really questioned how we are living our lives and treating our fellow human beings and the planet.

The questions we have to answer are:

How can we as humans change our behaviour as a result of this tragedy?
What’s really important to us?
What are our beliefs?
How can we learn from Tsunami, Katrina, the Pakistan earthquake and other such incidents to bring even more love into the world?

What will YOU do in 2008 to bring more LOVE into the world

Mother Teresa on Loneliness, Love and Peace

Arvind Devalia — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 07:30:23 +0000

Mother Teresa left behind many poignant and deep quotations about LOVE.

The common theme of her words reflect her work with the lonely, the sick, the dying and the destitute. Her unending love came through in her work and in her words. She was forever compassionate towards the loneliness felt by “wealthy” people who on surface had it all. She was also very concerned about the breakdown of families.

Here are a selection of her words which say it all:-

• Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.

• I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.

• If we want a love message to be heard, it has got to be sent out. To keep a lamp burning, we have to keep putting oil in it.

• Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired.

• Everybody today seems to be in such a terrible rush, anxious for greater developments and greater riches and so on, so that children have very little time for their parents. Parents have very little time for each other, and in the home begins the disruption of peace of the world.

• It is easy to love the people far away. It is not always easy to love those close to us. It is easier to give a cup of rice to relieve hunger than to relieve the loneliness and pain of someone unloved in our own home. Bring love into your home for this is where our love for each other must start.

• If you can’t feed a hundred people, then feed just one.

• Even the rich are hungry for love, for being cared for, for being wanted, for having someone to call their own.

• Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.

• Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty.

• Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do… but how much love we put in that action.

• Peace begins with a smile.

• Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.

• The biggest disease today is not leprosy or tuberculosis, but rather the feeling of being unwanted.

• The most terrible poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved.

• The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread.

• The success of love is in the loving – it is not in the result of loving. Of course it is natural in love to want the best for the other person, but whether it turns out that way or not does not determine the value of what we have done.

• There is more hunger in the world for love and appreciation in this world than for bread.
We think sometimes that poverty is only being hungry, naked and homeless. The poverty of being unwanted, unloved and uncared for is the greatest poverty. We must start in our own homes to remedy this kind of poverty.

• Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.

• Good works are links that form a chain of love.

• In this life we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love.

Mother Teresa’s message of love and hope lives on – it is now up to all of us to continue her work and make the world a better place.

Lessons of Life and Death

Arvind Devalia — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 11:08:25 +0000

In the last two weeks, I have attended three memorial services – one for a dear friend, one for a friend’s father, and one for a friend’s grandmother.

These have been poignant, moving and timely reminders of the sanctity, sacredness and also fragility of our lives. As one of the people delivering a brief eulogy stated, let us not mourn the passing of a dear one, but instead let us celebrate their life.

However, hard as one may try, it is still very sad and painful when a loved one departs. At such times, we all have to be strong and remember the good moments.

Also, key during a period of mourning is to remember that everything changes. On this note, a friend sent me one of those inspirational emails which do the rounds and every now and then is a gem of wisdom:-

I feared being alone until I learned to like myself.

I feared failure until I realized that I only fail when I don’t try.

I feared success until I realized that I had to try in order to be happy with myself.

I feared people’s opinions until I learned that people would have opinions about me anyway.

I feared rejection until I learned to have faith in myself.

I feared pain until I learned that it’s necessary for growth.

I feared the truth until I saw the ugliness in lies.

I feared life until I experienced its beauty.

I feared death until I realized that it’s not an end, but a beginning.

I feared my destiny, until I realized that I had the power to change my life.

I feared hate until I saw that it was nothing more than ignorance.

I feared love until it touched my heart, making the darkness fade into endless sunny days.

I feared ridicule until I learned how to laugh at myself.

I feared growing old until I realized that I gained wisdom every day.

I feared the future until I realized that life just kept getting better.

I feared the past until I realized that it could no longer hurt me.

I feared the dark until I saw the beauty of the starlight.

I feared the light until I learned that the truth would give me strength.

I feared change, until I saw that even the most beautiful butterfly had to undergo a metamorphosis before it could fly.

Maybe at the end of the day when all is said and done, love is really all that matters:-)

Get over It, Girl!

Arvind Devalia — Wed, 08 Aug 2007 10:56:18 +0000

I recently wrote about how it was time to let your light shine.

During that talk by Marianne Williamson in central London, she spoke with a lot of humour and compassion about supporting the people around us.

Supporting the people in our lives is all about empowering them, helping them to connect with their highest self and encouraging them to be the best they can.

However so often, we actually end up inadvertently keeping people in their current state of negativity.

Do you allow the people in your life to dump on you?!

Indeed do YOU dump on the people in your life?

It is all about creating boundaries and not letting people get carried away with their wallowing. Of course, as a friend you show empathy, sympathy and compassion as appropriate. But there comes a time when it is no longer empowering to allow a friend to continually feed you with their sob story.

Marianne Williamson related how she dealt with such a friend. She first acknowledged the pain and sorrow that her friend was going through and said how she really felt for her. But then in the most gentlest, kindest but firm way, Marianne added – “But get over it, girl!”

That was just what her friend needed to hear at that time to finally stop wallowing and literally get over it.

A few days after the Marianne Williamson talk, I found myself having dinner with a friend whose relationship had ended a few weeks previously. For about 20 minutes, I patiently listened to her monologue about her broken heart, her sadness and her pain.

I then had a choice to let this continue for the rest of the evening or to put a gentle stop to it. So I put into practice Marianne’s suggestion and hey presto, it worked.

My friend got the message and her physiology almost changed as she finally realised how she had been wallowing in it and dumping on others. She certainly begun her journey of getting it over there and then.

So next time, you feel the negativity of another person stuck in their past, encourage them to get over it. Of course do so in the nicest possible way. They will probably thank you one day for doing so.

And in your own life, what do YOU need to get over right now?!

How to Be Human and Vulnerable

Arvind Devalia — Thu, 02 Aug 2007 16:56:17 +0000

How do you react when you see someone in a wheelchair? A quick shift of the eyes away from theirs or do you acknowledge them?

A while back I wrote about treating others the way you want to be treated.

So just what should you do when you see someone in wheelchair? Or indeed anyone handicapped / disabled in any way?

My suggestion is to acknowledge them every time, without any condecsending. You will be amazed with the looks of appreciation and gratitude that you get back.

Go one step further and also acknowledge the person pushing the wheelchair. So often they get taken for granted.

Make other people feel important, show everyone that they count and raise their self esteem. And by doing so you will raise your own self esteem too.

I have a cousin who suffers from Down’s Syndrome and he is the most amazing, loving human being I know and though he is not in a wheel chair, he needs a lot of looking after. He is also genuinely funny with not an ounce of malice in him.

Many years ago, at a wedding party in India I saw a little Down’s Syndrome child dancing on the floor, splendidly resplendent in a dinner jacket and bow tie. He was a better dancer than me anyday, and I later found out that he had won awards for his dancing and music, in competitions for “normal” children.

(I did have this young musician boy’s website but a pc crash a couple of years ago meant I lost some of my historic data – and his father’s email address is no longer valid).

I went up to him, chatted and made friends. A few minutes later his mother came to me with tears in her eyes and said how much she appreciated me talking to her son, as most people just ignored him.

Maybe this was also a cultural thing, being in India, but whatever it was, it seemed the natural thing to do.

So many times we all hide our true human feelings and we do not allow ourselves to be vulnerable.

Try it today – and write back on this blog with comments about your experiences.

Comedy Show Marriage Proposal – Love is all that Matters!

Arvind Devalia — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 22:49:04 +0000

On Sunday evening I went to the Open Air Theatre in Regents Park to watch their annual comedy show. This event featured players from the famed Comedy Store.

I have managed to watch this show every year for the last few years and is a highlight of my social calendar.

But this year was even more special, as just before the interval, the MC announced a very special request. Alex Sperling had requested permission to propose to his girlfriend, Mel, during the show and it had all been pre-arranged to happen just after the first half of the show.

So Alex, with all the courage and charm in the world decided to pop the magic question in front of over 1,200 people.

It just so happened that I was sitting on the grass near Alex and Mel, and as I always carry my camera with me, I was at the right place at the right time. The video clip below shows what happens next.

Alex said that he truly, madly, deeply loved Mel and would she marry him?

And Mel said “yes, why not!”

One just had to be there to see the look on her face, and also the happiness reflected on over 1,200 beaming faces. Never can a couple have had so much goodwill and good luck bestowed on them by so many strangers.

Here’s wishing Alex and Mel all the best for their future.

Indeed, Alex’s wonderful proposal was a magical interlude in a magical and fun evening. After all, love is all that matters.

So how can you bring more magic and love in YOUR own life?