Make It Happen » Relationships

How to See the Beauty and Greatness in Any Tragedy

Arvind Devalia — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 14:00:29 +0000

Have you ever suffered great sadness?

Has life dealt you such a blow that you wondered if you’ll ever recover?

Every day we face so many challenges in our daily lives which can knock us out of our stride and daily routine.

Yet in the greater scheme of things, what most of us consider to be a challenge is usually nothing!

So what if your train to work was late or you got stuck in traffic on your way to an “important” meeting!?

What I am talking about here is life changing events and challenges that we sometimes face.

For example, in the last few weeks, I have had a friend losing her elderly mother after a long illness during which she lost most of her faculties. It was so painful for my friend to see her mother deteriorate like this – she felt so helpless and sad as nature took its course.

Another friend I saw over Xmas after a year, has just made a full recovery from a serious illness after a year’s intense treatment. During that time she became a hermit and cut communications with most people and it was heartening to see her looking so good and healthy.

And today, I received a very moving and yet heart-warming email from a friend whose newly born baby boy is seriously ill and faces a number of operations.

I have often written here on my blog about making the most of our life and our time on this planet. And I have also talked about how there’s always a brighter side to everything and how we should always try and be positive.

A while ago I wrote about how to suffer excruciating pain and live again.

The point is this – life can be so tragic and yet so inspiring and uplifting.

What is the greater meaning behind all this suffering and pain?

If you believe in a greater power – god, source, energy, universe or whatever you choose to call it – why does this greater power allow such things to happen!?

I always remember the closing line in this famous story about baseball kids allowing a physically challenged boy called Shay to join their game and hit the winning run.

At the end of that story, Shay’s father says with tears rolling down his face -

‘That day ‘the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world’.

So this is really what it is all about.

Your life and mine is all about bringing a piece of true love and humanity into this world.

Period. Nothing else matters.

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” – Rumi

A few weeks ago, Caroline McGraw, a friend from the other side of the pond sent me details of her new book called Love’ Subversive Stance – Ground Yourself & Grow in Relationship.

The book is all about growing in love in all our relationships. And surely, at the end of the day, that’s all that matters.

Caroline writes so beautifully about her relationship with her younger brother Willie who has autism and is considered by the world to have an “intellectual disability”.

On her blog, Caroline writes about finding meaning in our most challenging relationships and in her book she outlines how when we love someone with an intellectual disability, that loving changes us.

Her book teaches us about how we can truly learn about ourselves through our relationships – and the end result is we become a better and more loving person. And the whole world is a better place:-).

We are not who we once were and we are ready for more.

“The grace of God means something like:
Here is your life. You might never have been, but
you are because the party wouldn’t have been
complete without you.”
~Frederick Buechner, Wishful Thinking

At the end of the day, this is what it really comes down to – we humans are such powerful beings and we are capable of facing any heart- rending challenges.

We can face and overcome anything – and best of all we are capable of showing such deep and intense compassion and kindness that it breaks one’s heart (if that’s ever possible since our hearts are SO big).

The take way from this post is this – part of the human condition is to suffer heart-rending pain, go through the loss of loved ones and face umpteen other challenges in the course of our lives.

Ultimately we get to discover who we really are!

And the moment we dare to be vulnerable and we reveal our true selves, the journey becomes easier and indeed even joyful.

I wish all of you well on this amazing journey of life.

Check out Caroline’s book here.

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10 Top Relationship Tips for the Royal Couple

Arvind Devalia — Thu, 28 Apr 2011 16:29:26 +0000

On Friday, half the world will be looking on as the most photographed couple in the world say their marriage vows.

As Prince William and Kate Middleton say their vows, billions of people will look on and share their happiness.

I am writing this from central London and it really is buzzing here.

It’s hard to get across the excitement that is building up. So imagine what the Royal couple must be going through right now!

Whether or not you approve of our monarchy or the Royals, it’s certainly a time for celebration and a day for people to get away from their daily chores and challenges.

Here in the UK, it’s a public holiday and we are having another 4 day holiday weekend here, 2 weeks in a row.

After the celebrations, what’s ahead for the Royal couple?

Unlike almost any other couple, they will not be returning to a life of drudgery and mundane routine.

For the future Queen, life will always be in the public eye and it will be quite a challenge to keep up with protocol and the expectations and challenges which go with her new role as the wife of the future king.

Once the wedding is over and the reality sets in, what’s next for the Royal couple in their relationship?

How can they make their relationship even better?

Indeed how can you make your own relationship with your partner even better?

Firstly, everyone should celebrate their love for each other every day, and not just on their wedding day.

Why not simply make the celebration of your love every day a lifelong habit?!

As the Royals take their wedding vows, it’s also a time for newly dating couples as well as “old-timers” to reflect on their own relationship.

So, if you are in a relationship, is it what you always dreamed about?

In a dream relationship, you bring out the best in one another and make yourself stronger together as a team than apart. Such a relationship helps you become a better person and provides you with the happiness that you deserve.

If you have been together for a long time, you could easily take each other for granted. This does not imply that your love for each other is fading, simply a lack of effort.

Be willing to make the time and effort for each other. Jazz up your relationship!

Be realistic too and accept that no one person is ever going to fulfil your every need and desire.

Truly committing yourself to someone requires insight, trust, and being open to vulnerability.

Finding such a person and respecting your judgment are a prerequisite to creating an everlasting, happy relationship.

It must be tough finding a woman worthy to be a Princess or a Queen! But every woman is ultimately a Princess and a Queen.

In a special relationship:-

You and your partner can be yourselves.
You are honest and patient with each other.
You accept one another
You are kind and thoughtful.

In such an open and caring relationship your love is sure to grow, and working together you can keep your relationship happy and healthy.

The Royal Couple certainly look like their relationship has the attributes of a special relationship. And their relationship will need to be special and everything possible to make it strong and long lasting, what with all the demands and challenges they will face in the public eye.

Here are some simple ways for the Royal couple, and indeed all couples to make their relationship even more special:-

1. Create a vision of your special relationship

Make the fulfilment of your short term and long term needs the criteria for choosing a partner and being in a relationship.

Create and share a vision of your ideal life together.

Don’t fall in love, create love.

2. Accept your partner just as they are

This is a big thing!

Your partner is a very special human being – the only one in the world like them, with their own wonderful traits and unique gifts. Truly love the whole beautiful package they came in.

They are entitled to their own decisions, hobbies, goals and hopes. Find out their deepest desires and get as excited about them, as you are about yours.

And remember too that this wonderful human being is prepared to spend their life with you despite knowing all your shortcomings!

3. Be generous and loving in all your dealings with your partner

Give unconditionally, rather than wanting something back in return.

A lot of relationships work on a 50 / 50 basis whereby partners do things for each other only on a tit for tat basis. Instead, commit 100% to doing things for your partner, and with zero expectation.

If your partner gives you their commitment on the same 100% / zero basis, then you will both be in relationship nirvana!

Men, make her feel like the princess she really is!

4. Always be in integrity

Commit to tell your partner the total truth, as honesty is one of the key things people want in a relationship.

Knowing they can trust you builds a zone of safety and comfort around them.

5. Resolve your differences as soon as they happen

Conflict actually fuels a genuinely passionate partnership. So accept responsibility for your part of the issue at stake, and do not blame your partner. The sooner you stop blaming and start talking, the better you will feel.

Never go to sleep with an unresolved issue. Last thing at night, tell your partner what you love about them being in your life.

6. Do not criticise

It is ok to complain but not criticise!

Your partner is doing the best they can – support them in becoming an even better person – you will benefit in the long term.

NEVER put your partner down in front of other people. Especially when you have umpteen cameras watching your every move!

7. Create a castle for your partner

Ok, not every man will be literally able to house his bride in a castle! But you can certainly make her feel safe and special.

Make your partner feel so safe and secure with you, that they drop all their defensiveness. It is natural to feel fear and you can help them overcome it with lots of tender loving care.

Thoughtfulness is so important in a healthy relationship. So be considerate of your partner’s feelings and treat them with the utmost care and kindness.

8. Let go of the past.

All relationships have their difficulties – so remember only the lessons learnt and forget the details. Weather the stormy moments, and savour the memory of sunny days.

Remember what brought the two of you together in the first place. What attracted you to each other? What do you admire about your partner’s personality?

9. Have a fun date with your partner regularly and often

Spend at least one evening a week with each other. At that particular time nothing is as important as your time together. Strengthen your relationship by putting each other first. Give the relationship the same commitment you made when you first started dating – simply put each other first!

10. Listen to your mother-in-law and treat her with respect

This one is especially for Kate! No matter what, listen to the mother-in-law. Unlike almost all other mothers-in-law in the world, your mother-in-law really is a very powerful woman and also much more worldly-wise than you.

Though no other man or woman will have to compete with such a mother-in-law, no matter who she is, treat her with the respect and reverence she deserves. After all, she will usually be the one who brought up the man / woman who is now your partner.

A Daily Exercise for all the Princes and Princesses in the World

In the eyes of your partner, you are indeed a prince / princess. Or should be!

An exercise you can do every day is to recreate your Wedding Day vows every day. Do something extra nice for your partner today – and every day.

And then go through the above tips and begin to work on creating and recreating your special relationship today.

Celebrate your love for each other every day – and not just when you are in the public glare!

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Every Retweet and Facebook share helps me grow my blog. I look forward to seeing you here again soon. Thank you for reading! – Arvind

Image (c) Mario Testino 2010

The Shocking Truth About Being a Nice Person

Arvind Devalia — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 17:22:23 +0000

This is a guest post from Eduard Ezeanu

I used to get very excited whenever someone would tell me: “you’re a really nice guy”. I thought it was a fantastic compliment to receive.

Then I started noticing in my own life and the life of other “really nice” people that this label often came with less than favourable consequences. The more I noticed the patterns unveiling, the more being seen as “nice” began to trouble me and shock me.

So I began to change some of my nice guy persona and get more of an edge. It was one of the best moves I have ever made.

Eventually, as a communication coach, I also began teaching others how to be less nice.

Today, my close friends and I have an insiders joke about this. Whenever we say about a person “he’s a really nice guy” or “she’s a really nice girl”, what we actually mean is “this person gets used and abused in all imaginable ways for being a people pleaser”.

What Does “Nice” Mean, Anyway?

To be fair, I think that when someone calls you a “nice guy”, “nice girl” or “nice person”, there are two different meanings.

Sometimes an individual can’t find the more accurate positive word they want to use to describe you, so they use a conventional positive word. They want to say that you’re interesting, or funny, or kind, or a good conversationalist, but it comes out as nice, cool or OK.

If this is the case, you have nothing to worry about. The word nice is a poor choice to describe an overall positive trait you have. Embrace it and forgive people for their vagueness in communication.

However, I came to the conclusion that more often than not, the label “nice” reflects something that might appear positive initially, but it will in fact work against you. Here’s the thing:

People will frequently refer to a person who is very accommodating and focused on pleasing others as being “nice”.

So the word may sound, well, nice, but it’s a dangerous label to have because it reflects the presence of personal attitudes and behaviours that in the long run will sabotage you.

The Perils of Being a “Nice” Person

Most of us have learned that it’s good to be nice, that we should put others first, that we should always help them and have a reputable image in front of others. If you’re frequently seen as a nice person, this is probably the sign that you’ve internalized this way of thinking a bit too well.

I’m not against helping others or being kind. I do think however that many people take this too far and end up sacrificing their own needs in order to please others, thinking that this will solve everything in their lives. And unfortunately, that’s very far from the truth.

This topic has recently started receiving serious attention in the world of psychology, where phenomena such as the nice girl or nice guy syndrome are now being studied vigilantly.

And the perils of being seen as the nice person are becoming apparent. Here are some of the key ones:

1. Exhausting yourself trying to please others.

As almost any nice guy or nice girl is fully aware, trying to please everybody and hold on to that nice reputation is a huge burden. Most nice people dedicate huge amounts of time, energy and resources to helping and accommodating others.

2. Ignoring your self.

Obviously, if your focus is on others all the time, you have little time or energy to take care of yourself and enjoy yourself. This probably explains why the nicest persons I know are out of shape, stressed out and bordering multiple illnesses.

3. Getting manipulated by others.

Most of us have believed a dangerous lie: that if we’re nice to others, others will also be nice to use. In practice, this only happens on and off. Many times, niceness invites people to use you, demand increasingly more from you without giving back and take everything for granted.

4. Getting stuck in this frame.

Whenever as a coach, I work with a nice person and they turn more assertive, others are typically shocked by their new behaviour. They’ve become so used with this person pleasing them all the time that when they start putting their foot in the door, it seems like pure treachery.

Fortunately, a nice person reputation can be changed, and the best way to do so is by changing how nice and compliant you really are.

There are three specific action steps to keep in mind:

1. Get in touch with your needs.

The first step to putting your needs forward is to become more aware of them. Although people who tend to be very nice often think their only need is to help others and be liked, they actually have a lot of more self-centered needs. They just lost touch with them and need to re-connect.

2. Boost your confidence.

In my coaching practice, I often find that nice guys or girls struggle with self-esteem and self-confidence issues. They need to weed out their limiting beliefs and sometimes to master overcoming shyness or anxiety. If this is your case as well, definitely give a lot of attention to the inner change process.

3. Put your needs forward more.

This can imply spending more time doing what you enjoy, asking more for what you want, saying no to others, being more spontaneous, expressing unpopular opinions or ending toxic relationships. It may not be easy at first, but this is the crucial behavioural step.

As you move from a people pleasing to an assertive approach to life, people will see you differently and treat you differently.

You may not be told that you’re “really nice” anymore; you may sometimes be told that you’re “rude” or “selfish”, but you know what? Beyond those labels, you will have healthy relationships with people and a fulfilling life.

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Every Retweet and Facebook share helps me grow my blog. I look forward to seeing you here again soon. Thank you for reading! – Arvind

Eduard Ezeanu is a communication coach with an attitude-based approach. If you enjoyed this article, then you will also enjoy low self esteem and how to make friends on his People Skills Decoded blog.

image courtesy of andreasnilsson1976

Valentine’s Day – Enjoy Life as a Single Person!

Stop Being an Approval Seeking Machine!

Arvind Devalia — Mon, 28 Feb 2011 17:29:33 +0000

Are YOU an approval seeking machine?

Do you go through life for ever seeking love, appreciation and approval from others?

Well, if so then welcome to the human race. We all seem to be genetically programmed to seek from others what we feel we don’t have within ourselves.

Today is the 28th and last day of our relationships adventure, which began on 1st February. You can read the previous 27 articles via the links at the bottom of this article.

How have your relationships improved over the last month?

My idea was to go through all the key aspects of our relationships and share my ideas and tips to improve all the relationships in your life.

Life is meant to be an adventure and so are our relationships. And that’s the approach I wanted to adopt for this month.

I wanted to show you how all your interactions with other people can be light, fun and joyous. And I hope that you are doing just that.

If not, then you know where to find 28 great relationship articles:-)

Remember always that the key to great relationships is this – nurture the roots of your relationships and one day you can enjoy the fruits of your efforts.

My intention was that within these 28 days, all of you will have significantly improved your relationships. You should now have a lightness about you, and you approach all interactions with the people in your life in a different way.

All good things come to an end and I have enjoyed my adventure of writing these articles over the last four weeks. Indeed some of my own relationships have been transformed – and others are a work in progress.

This relationship adventure has been very popular with readers – and there is a suggestion that I should convert these 28 articles into an ebook. Watch this space:-)

For today’s article, as well as discussing our need for approval from others, I would like to share with you some other key relationship articles, both from my own blog and also from other bloggers.

Let’s start with the importance of not seeking approval from others all the time.

“Spare yourself from seeking love, approval, or appreciation—from anyone. And watch what happens in reality, just for fun.” Byron Katie

So much of our life energy is spent on getting approval from others. Most of us are simply approval seeking machines!

Imagine what your relationships would be like if you didn’t constantly seek love, approval or appreciation from anyone!

If you pause and reflect on this, you will realise that almost everything you do is to seek love and acceptance from others. But the moment you cease to do so, you are free.

You suddenly get a boost of energy and you are no longer held back by the fear of what others think.

At the same time, it’s okay to appreciate others for what they are and what they do.

Just don’t base your entire life on what others think of you.

For today, just try this. Say or do what you want because you want to do so and not because you want something from someone.

See how much easier your life becomes once you stop being an approval seeking machine!

Know that you are already enough.

Now to round up our relationship journey, I would like to send you away with some more key and really useful relationship articles from my blog.

I suggest that you bookmark these articles and also the 27 other posts from our relationship adventure – you will want to refer to them again and again.

These articles are some of the best and most poignant I have ever written and I invite you to read through them all in your own time – but make sure you do so soon:-

I have also discovered some wonderful relationship articles from blogger friends and I am proud to share 5 of them here. Please do check them all out.

To end I would like to leave you with these powerful words from Dr Bernie Seagal.

“Love has all the advantages of amnesia”

No matter what happens to you and your relationships from here on, love is the most powerful thing. And love is always forgiving, eternal and ever-powerful.

Love is all that matters

Go forth gently on your life journey with a heart full of love for yourself and others.

And never, ever seek approval from anyone!

Here’s the Daily Exercise for Today:-

Today’s exercise is for you to become aware of just how much of your time and energy is tied up with looking for approval, appreciation and love from others.

For the next 24 hours, check in on yourself when you are about to do or say something.

Ask yourself – what am I really trying to do here? Where am I seeking something from others? How can I do this from a space of my own power?

Enjoy being your own person!

Finally, check out the previous 27 articles in this series here:-

Day 1 – Become Aware of Your Relationships
Day 2 – Love Yourself First Before Loving Anyone Else
Day 3 – Love Yourself Without Becoming Full of Yourself
Day 4 – Love is all that matters
Day 5 – 9 Simple Tips To Create Energising Relationships
Day 6 – Why Decluttering your Friends is Good for You and Them
Day 7 – Stop Bending over Backwards for Other People!
Day 8 – Be Special to Find the Special One
Day 9 – 10 Key Secrets for Becoming Likeable
Day 10 – Don’t Fall in Love – Create Love
Day 11 – Do you Believe in Soulmates?
Day 12 – Open Your Heart and Find the Special One
Day 13 – Create your ideal Valentine’s Day
Day 14 – Make it a Fun Valentine’s Day Everyday!
Day 15 – Make Your Relationship Even More Special
Day 16 – Learn to Love Unconditionally
Day 17 – 11 Keys to Improve ALL Your Relationships
Day 18 – Why the Human Touch is Key
Day 19 – How NOT to Make Friends!
Day 20 – Share Your Love with Your Loved Ones Everyday
Day 21 – Stop Judging, Start Loving
Day 22 – Simple Trick to Instantly Improve All Your Relationships
DAY 23 – Why No One Is Ever An Ugly Duckling!
Day 24 – Why World Compassion Begins With You
Day 25 – Why Teamwork Always Begins with YOU
Day 26 – How to Let People Go From Your Life
Day 27 – Thank the Divine Every Day

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Every Retweet and Facebook share helps me grow my blog. I look forward to seeing you here again soon. Thank you for reading! – Arvind

Images courtesy of maveric2003 and Kjunstorm

28 DRA – Day 27 – Thank the Divine Every Day

Arvind Devalia — Sun, 27 Feb 2011 15:21:34 +0000

Do you believe in a higher power?

Or do you believe you are just a freak of nature?

Perhaps there is something incredibly powerful that makes us tick. Or maybe everything is just completely random and we are here purely by chance.

As I write this on a beautiful Sunday morning here in London, maybe you have been to church. Perhaps a walk in the park or like me you may have spent some time in meditation and quiet contemplation.

When you slow down and look around, you get to truly appreciate what a wonderful world we live in.

So how did it all come about – and who or what is the master orchestrator?

This is Day 27 of our “28 Day Relationships Adventure (DRA)” in February. You can read the previous 26 articles by following the links at the bottom of this post.

Today I want to talk about your relationship with “god”.

I am convinced that whatever you call this higher power – god, divine, universe, source etc there is something much bigger than us out there that created us and continues to sustain us.

Have you ever wondered at the miracle of it all?

You can live your life as if everything is a miracle.

Everything on earth seems to be so perfect to sustain nature and human life. How did all that happen?

I am not particularly religious myself and would describe myself as “spiritual”. In other words, I believe in something bigger than us and choose not to give it a name.

I have come to my own spiritual practice over time after exploring the religion I was born into and reading about others.

Here are my tips for you to do the same.

1. Make truth and love your religion.

All the major religions in the world have an inherent teaching – practicing kindness towards others and living an honest life.

So regardless of your religious background, make love and truth your religion.

Just remember to apply the 6 key life lessons from Gandhi

Even if you don’t believe in a divine power, live your life with the principles of truth and love.

2. Find a daily practice that resonates with you

I have a daily practice whereby I now start my day with meditation and reflection on the day ahead. I also have my sacred space where I can spend these moments of silence.

Whenever I can, I also go for daily walks in nature – either Regents Park or my own garden.

3. Practice living with an attitude of gratitude

We have been given so much by this bigger power that created us and continues to sustain us. So it’s only proper and correct to be thankful for all that you have.

Learn to live with an attitude of gratitude

4. Live and let live

Everyone is entitled to have their own religious and spiritual beliefs. So let others live in peace with what they believe and just focus on your own practice and beliefs.

Celebrate the culture you were born in, but don’t base your entire life outlook on it.

Be open to other cultures and religious outlooks. Remember, Muslims love their children too.

Cultivate your own relationship with the divine.

What are you beliefs about a divine power?

And how do you cultivate your relationship with the divine?

What’s your relationship with the divine?

Please do share below. Thank you.

Here’s the Daily Exercise for Today:-

For today’s exercise, even if you don’t believe in a higher power, I invite you to create a daily practice in your life .

Spend 15 minutes every morning in quiet contemplation before you begin your normal day.

You can meditate or read a spiritual/religious book that resonates with you. Have soothing music in the background, light a candle and perhaps an incense stick too if that appeals to you.

During this time, just be thankful for all the gifts you have been given in your life. Remember gratitude is an attitude you can cultivate and live by.

Adopt this exercise for the rest of your life – and I guarantee you that your life will begin to magically transform.

Finally, check out the previous 26 articles in this series here:-

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Please tell your friends about Make It Happen by using the share buttons below.

Every Retweet and Facebook share helps me grow my blog. I look forward to seeing you here again soon. Thank you for reading! – Arvind

Image courtesy of wildxplorer and Manu Manohar

28 DRA – Day 26 – How to Let People Go From Your Life

Arvind Devalia — Sat, 26 Feb 2011 20:05:02 +0000

How do you let go of people from your life?

Do you do so gently or cut them out harshly?

I previously wrote how decluttering your friends from your life is good for you and them.

This is great when friends are involved but what about when it’s an ex-lover or even a relative?

This is Day 26 of our “28 Day Relationships Adventure (DRA)” in February. You can read the previous 25 articles by following the links at the bottom of this post.

Today I would like to briefly talk about the question of how we can let go of people gently from our lives.

A few days ago, a reader posed this question:-

What do you with relatives in your life who are basically very selfish? Keep them or let them go?

Firstly, remember the old adage that you can choose your friends but not your relatives!

Maybe our relatives are sent to truly test our mettle. And I know from personal experience, just how challenging even your siblings can be.

At the same time, maybe “they” are not the problem. Maybe, just maybe, it’s you!?

Friends come and go, relatives stay.

People do naturally drift in and out of our lives as we move on and grow on our own individual paths. So if you are open to new experiences and new people, you will always meet new people and make new friends.

But our biggest relationship challenges come from those people who are likely to be around us for the rest of our life – our relatives.

Firstly let’s look at the extreme scenario when you just have to let a loved one go.

Hard as it sounds, if one is in a dysfunctional family relationship, then there comes a time when you just have to let someone go. Even a close relative such as a parent.

To really get what I mean, please check out this story about how my friend Jennifer Gresham “fired” her father:-

Why I fired my father and maybe you should too.

It took a lot of courage to write about her experience, but her brave story will no doubt help others who are also struggling with such issues.

Personally, I cannot even imagine my relationship with my immediate family and parents ever being so dire that I would want to break off relations completely and for ever. So I can consider myself lucky.

In Jennifer’s case, her story is also a case of self-love, whereby you put your own needs and well-being before that of others.

If you are at all uncertain about what I mean by loving yourself, then check out again my article from day 2 of our relationship adventure – love yourself first before loving anyone else.

And of course, love yourself without becoming full of yourself!

What about our day to day interactions when we feel like breaking off a relationship with a partner, relative or a friend?

Anytime when I am uncertain about how I should behave in a relationship, I always refer to my favourite book – “A Return to Love” (Amazon UK / Amazon USA) by Marianne Williamson.

In her book, Marianne explains how the time when you are breaking up from someone is the moment you need to show greatest love towards them. She outlines how your breakup should be done in such a way that you almost fall in love with them all over again.

This is fine when it’s a romantic relationship you are letting go, but you can also bring this loving approach to anyone else – a relative, friend or work colleague.

Yes, even if you feel you have been mistreated, hard done by or taken advantage of, you can continue to be loving and kind to them and send them your love and best wishes for the future.

You are not condoning their actions – but you also don’t want to take any further negativity into your future life.

As Marianne also says, you can love someone but that doesn’t mean you still have to have their details in your rolodex!

Also, note that for most relationships and friendships, you don’t have to make a major drama of confronting the other person and “ending” it. Most friendships will just drift away of their own accord if you stop sustaining it.

At the same time, review just where YOU need to be different in this relationship!

Maybe THEY don’t need to change. Maybe it’s you who could be behaving in a different way.

Be open and courageous enough to look within yourself.

This approach of letting people go from your life and continuing to love them also applies to the world of social media.

For example, I have had to block some people from my Facebook profile and let them go as “friends” after they posted inappropriate messages on my wall.

I can still send them positive vibes and wish them well – and it doesn’t mean I should still keep them in my life or in this case my Facebook circle.

Conversely, I had a misunderstanding with a friend over a year ago on Facebook and she blocked me. Initially I was upset but then realised what a gift it was from her. I could continue to wish her well, even though we were no longer friend and not in each other’s lives.

Underlying all of this is not needing external relationships in our life in the first place to make us complete. When we look to our partners, friends or relatives to fulfil us in some way, there is always going to be challenges.

So the lesson is to show up in any relationship taking responsibility for your own happiness.

And when it comes to the crunch, and someone is just not right for you, then look deep within and decide whether it’s time to move on from that relationship or friendship.

What are your experiences of letting go of people? And how did you feel afterwards?

Here’s the Daily Exercise for Today:-

For today’s exercise, look in your life and reflect on your relationship with the close people in your life.

I challenge you to honestly look at any relationship which is challenging you and one which you may have considered letting go in the past.

How can you be more loving and accepting in this relationship?

What can you do more for this person? How can you make this relationship better for you?

If it comes to the crunch, are you willing and able to let this person go from your life?

Remember, be open, honest and courageous.

Great relationships start with YOU.

Finally check out the previous 25 articles in this series here:-

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Every Retweet and Facebook share helps me grow my blog. I look forward to seeing you here again soon. Thank you for reading! – Arvind

Image courtesy of amy(mcd)lakhani

28 DRA – Day 25 – Why Teamwork Always Begins with YOU

Arvind Devalia — Fri, 25 Feb 2011 14:13:14 +0000

As you look at this stunning picture and marvel at the teamwork of the Red Arrow pilots, do you wonder just how they do it?

One slight mistake and the lives of their fellow pilots are in serious danger. And yet for so many years, the red arrows have thrilled crowds all around the world.

Their skill, aptitude and teamwork are all things that epitomise human greatness.

“Human greatness does not lie in wealth or power but in character and goodness. People are just people and all people have faults and shortcomings, but all of us are born with basic

In case you have never heard of Anne Frank, then you must find out more about her and read her diary.

The above words were written by Anne Frank in her diary, dated 26th March 1944. If a young girl hiding in a cupboard for years can see the basic goodness in other people, surely so can we all.

Anne’s diary continues to be one of the world’s most inspirational books and is a universal plea to humanity to demonstrate humanity.

It is clearly up to us all to start by showing more consideration, compassion and humanity towards all those people in our life, and also to those people who we interact with everyday and who make our lives so rich and worthwhile.

It’s interesting how my series of relationship articles have been received on social media. My friends have loved article 21 about not judging people.

Conversely, in response to article 23 about no one being an ugly duckling, someone challenged me on that via Twitter.

This is Day 25 of our “28 Day Relationships Adventure (DRA)” in February. You can read the previous 25 articles by following the links at the bottom of this post.

Today, as well as the example of the Red Arrows, I would like to share with you a super example from the world of nature about working together in unity and harmony for the greater good.

Having already learned from the “ugly duckling” that was really a swan, today we turn to the humble goose.

Have you ever seen geese fly in a perfect V shape formation?

Next time you see a flock of Geese in the ski, just stop and marvel at the way they fly in a “V” formation.

As so often, nature offers us a key lesson in teamwork, sacrifice and community spirit.

Scientists have studied flying birds at length and have made some significant findings:-

1. By flapping its wings, each birds creates as uplift in the atmosphere for the bird immediately behind. Flying in a “V” formation allows the whole flock to fly around 71% further than if each bird was to fly on its own.

2. If a bird ever falls out of the formation, it would suddenly need to exert that much more force and realises the futility of going it alone

3. The birds taking it in turn to be at the front of the “V”. As it tires, another one takes over and the leading bird goes to the back of the flock.

4. If a goose gets sick or is wounded and has to fall out of formation, two other geese fall out with that goose and follow it down to lend help and protection. They will then stay with their buddy until he is able to fly again or dies. Only then do they launch out once again on their own, eventually rejoining the original group.

What can we humans learn about relationships from the humble geese?

Here are the lessons we can apply from today in our own lives:-

1. Have a common goal and focus

By working together as a community, you can get to where you want to faster and more efficiently.

You will be refreshed and ready to enjoy the fruits of your labour by working together.

2. Focus on one purpose

Make sure that you stick together with those people who are heading in the same direction as you.

There is strength in unity and having a common purpose.

3. Give and take

You will always get much more back by giving to others. So be open to offer others your help, and also be willing to receive help.

4. Pull your weight

Do you noble best for your crowd. So pull all your weight and take it in turns to take on demanding jobs.

Remember that you are all interdependent on each other. And you are all one.

5. Encourage others

Positively encourage the people at the front to keep going and support them with their and your joint mission.

Look for opportunities to help and support those weaker and less able than you.

6. Stick together no matter what

You must stand by each other during the good times and the challenging times.

Remember the greater good.

There you are – six some simple relationship lessons from the humble goose.

Remember to apply these lessons – otherwise your life will just be a “wild goose chase”. Ouch!

Also, make Anne Frank proud of you.

Here’s the Daily Exercise for Today:-

For today’s exercise, look in your life where you are required to work with other people. In these relationships, are you being a goose or a pain?

Review the six simple lessons above and go through each point. Then apply each lesson in the context of your work with these people.

Finally check out the previous 24 articles in this series here:-

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Every Retweet and Facebook share helps me grow my blog. I look forward to seeing you here again soon. Thank you for reading! – Arvind

Top image courtesy of wwarby

28 DRA – Day 24 – Why World Compassion Begins With You

Arvind Devalia — Thu, 24 Feb 2011 18:24:36 +0000

Today in the world, there seems to be more turmoil and tragedy than ever before.

As I write this, it looks like Libya is on the verge of civil war, whilst in New Zealand hundreds of people are still missing after the earthquake.

At the same time, there are numerous deaths all around the world every day through war, famine and drought.

Whilst we can only hope and pray for the people affected, you may feel that these events do not really impact your day to day life.

So what has all this to do with you?

But the real question we have to consider is just when and where do we start showing our compassion and where does it all end?

This is Day 24 of our “28 Day Relationships Adventure (DRA)” in February. You can read the previous 23 articles by following the links at the bottom of this post.

Today I want to talk about compassion in the context of our relationship with the rest of the people in the world.

“Have compassion for all beings, rich and poor alike – each has their suffering. Some suffer too much, others too little.” – Buddha

As we read about all the calamitous events online, we can certainly pray for the people affected and send them positive vibes and our love. Where possible, we can also help out materially through money donations and worldly goods.

But the point I would like you to consider is this – are we doing enough?!

Is generosity of spirit and material goods only for emergencies?

What is truly missing is compassion. I sincerely believe that if people take this one thing to heart, the whole world will evolve.

Compassion is about putting yourself in the shoes of the other person and seeing the world from their perspective. It is about feeling their pain and empowering them to be their best. It is not about showing pity or being patronizing.

“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive.” – Dalai Lama

I strongly feel that it’s high time we really questioned how we are living our lives and treating our fellow human beings and the planet.

Just how can we learn to treat each other with more kindness, care, consideration and dare I say it with love?

How can we learn from the events of the last few years to bring more compassion into the world?

One of the lessons to be learnt from such tragedies is of course just how helpless we are in the face of natural disasters.

However the more important lesson we can learn is the level of compassion and indeed heroism that we human beings can show during such times.

Soon after some of the recent natural disasters such as Tsunami, Katrina and Haiti earthquake disasters, we witnessed a huge “outbreak” of compassion. But what usually happens is that our level of compassion subsides soon after, once we don’t have any major natural catastrophes to focus on.

Right now, there is an ongoing emergency in parts of Africa suffering from drought, famine and war. But somehow Africa and the chronic poverty inherent in some countries never commands the same media coverage as say the war in Iraq and Afghanistan, or even the morality drought in reality TV shows.

It is an indictment of our times and of our values that we spend more time on debating the behaviour of so called celebrities on a contrived TV show than on things that really matter.

The question is just how can we keep alive the compassion after the media focus on such disasters as Haiti wanes as it always seems to do? And how can we show such compassion during “normal” times?

How can we harness this force for good?

It’s really simple – you can start by showing compassion and kindness to all those around you!

Compassion arises with a change of perspective about who we really are and our relationship to the rest of the world.

In the mid-seventies, Betty Williams in Ireland set up an organisation soon after hearing that some children had been shot during the Northern Ireland conflict. She cried – “what kind of people have we become to allow our children to be killed in the streets?”

Within 4 hours, she had galvanised her community and had soon collected 16,000 names in a petition. She later went on to win the Nobel peace prize.

We don’t have to wait to carry out major acts of compassion either. Though we all have the potential to be a Mother Teresa, we can begin today through small acts of kindness and compassion in our own world.

Here are some simple steps for you to get started:-

1. Become aware of just how compassionate you already are.

Recall an act of compassion you carried out. Reflect on the qualities you already have that allow you to be compassionate e.g. kindness, empathy, love, sympathy, goodness, listening, understanding and so on.

2. Become aware of any missing qualities which would make you even more compassionate.

You already have some great qualities and perhaps there are some others which you can cultivate on your path to greater compassion e.g. patience, understanding, being accepting of others.

3. Create the intention to be more compassionate today and every day from now on.

Once you set an intention to be compassionate, you will be able to come up with lots of ideas to do so each day. For example:-

Enjoy quality time with family and show them more understanding.

Thank friend and stop judging him / her.

Be in gratitude for what you have.

Stop beating yourself up! Remember, compassion begins at home.

Organise fund raising party for your favourite cause.

Donate all your unwanted stuff to your local charity shop.

Arrange party at home for friends to show your appreciation of them.

Enjoy bringing more compassion today into your life. Just by having read these words, you have already started.

Can you imagine how the world would be a better place if we all began to live a life of compassion, understanding and acceptance?

Now what will YOU do today to bring more compassion into the world?

Please leave your comments below and share them with the world. Your actions are certain to inspire many others. Thank you.

Here’s the Daily Exercise for Today:-

For today’s exercise, choose to show compassion to at least one person today. Be authentic about it and really come from your heart. Make sure they are left in a better place than before.

Spend a few minutes reflecting on how you felt afterwards. What more can you do tomorrow?

And then make it a life long habit to show compassion to at least one person every day for the rest of your life.

Finally check out the previous 23 articles in this series here:-

Please Help to Spread the Word

Please tell your friends about Make It Happen by using the share buttons below.

Every Retweet and Facebook share helps me grow my blog. I look forward to seeing you here again soon. Thank you for reading! – Arvind

Top image from Nirvana School. Image below courtesy of moyerphotos

28 DRA – Day 23 – Why No One Is Ever An Ugly Duckling!

Arvind Devalia — Wed, 23 Feb 2011 18:04:07 +0000

Have you heard the story of the ugly duckling?

And do you believe that there are some ugly ducklings in your life?

So many of us go through life with assumptions about other people based simply on their physical appearance.

We shoo people who don’t quite fit into our perception of how they should look.

Also, the media with its glamorising of a certain look or style is so guilty of creating a whole plethora of prejudices.

Yet ultimately, as I have written so often, at the end of the day we are all the same.

We are all striving for the same thing – love, happiness and a fulfilled life – and we are doing the best we can with our current level of awareness, knowledge and understanding.

This is Day 23 of our “28 Day Relationships Adventure (DRA)” in February. You can read the previous 22 articles by following the links at the bottom of this post.

Today I want to talk about the ugly duckling story and why the message of this story is so pertinent and relevant to all our relationships.

Here’s a quick summary of this story from Wiki:-

When the tale begins, a mother duck’s eggs hatch. One of the little birds is perceived by the duck’s neighbours as a homely little creature and suffers much verbal and physical abuse. He wanders sadly from the barnyard and lives with wild ducks and geese until hunters slaughter the flocks. He then finds a home with an old woman but her cat and hen tease him mercilessly and again he sets off on his own. He sees a flock of migrating wild swans; he is delighted and excited but he cannot join them. Winter arrives. A farmer finds and carries the freezing little bird home, but the foundling is frightened by the farmer’s noisy children and flees the house. He spends a miserable winter alone in the outdoors but, when spring arrives, he is welcomed into a flock of beautiful swans for he has matured into one of them.

I also highly recommend that you read the full enchanting tale from Hans Andersen. It will take no more than ten minutes – and you deserve that time out to read a fairy tale!

So the point of this story is that there never was an ugly duckling – it was a swan that was yet to discover his true identity and beauty.

In the same way, all the people around you are the same. No matter what they are like or how life has treated them so far, they are full of their own inner beauty.

Conversely, we can transform “an ugly duckling” with our love, patience and understanding.

Ironically, the ugly duckling story is re-enacted so often in our world where a mentally or physically handicapped child is turned away and put into a home. Or worse still, abandoned.

Ask yourself – when have you ignored or shooed someone who looked funny or was not very bright?

This is the same as the mother duck pushing out the ugly duckling from the nest when she couldn’t take it anymore.

A child ignored or neglected then has to find his or her own beauty and gradually create a new life. Over time, with great love and understanding, healing can eventually take place from all the abuse and insults.

Instead of ignoring and insulting any perceived ugly ducklings in our lives, what we need is more compassion and understanding.

We all have this deep capacity for compassion – we just have to get present to it.

To highlight my point here is a story that has been doing the rounds of the internet for many years. Though I am not sure whether this is exactly what really happened or if at all, it does have a wonderful message for all of us.

It also reminds us of the old adage that you can get everything you want in your life, by helping others get what they want. So do grasp the message about compassion from this story, regardless of whether it is fact or fiction:-

Some time ago, at the Seattle Olympics, nine athletes, all mentally or physically challenged, were standing on the start line for the 100 m race.
The gun fired and the race began. Not everyone was running, but everyone wanted to participate and win.
They ran in threes, a boy tripped and fell, did a few somersaults and started crying.
The other eight heard him crying.
They slowed down and looked behind them.
They stopped and came back… All of them…
A girl with Down’s Syndrome sat down next to him, hugged him and asked, “Feeling better now?”
Then, all nine walked shoulder to shoulder to the finish line.
The whole crowd stood up and applauded. And the applause lasted a very long time…

People who witnessed this still talk about it. Why? Because deep down inside us, we all know that the most important thing in life is much more than winning for ourselves.

The most important thing in this life is to help others to win. Even if that means slowing down and changing our own race.

So which “ugly duckling” can YOU help today?

This story reminds me of a time when many years ago at a wedding party in India I saw a little Down’s Syndrome boy dancing on the floor, splendidly resplendent in a dinner jacket and bow tie. He was a better dancer than me any day, and I later found out that he had won awards for his dancing and music, in competitions for “normal” children.

I went up to him, chatted and made friends. A few minutes later his mother came to me with tears in her eyes and said how much she appreciated me talking to her son, as most people just ignored him.

Maybe this was also a cultural thing, being in India, but whatever it was, it seemed to me the natural thing to do to was to chat to the boy.

So many times, we all hide our true human feelings and we do not allow ourselves to be vulnerable and compassionate.

Can you imagine how the world would be a better place if we treated as a swan everyone we met?

Here’s the Daily Exercise for Today:-

For today’s exercise, choose one person who in the past you have neglected because somehow they didn’t meet your expectations of what they should look like.

Spend a few minutes reflecting on this person and all their beautiful points. Then see them as the “swan” that they really are.

Enjoy this exercise – make it fun and meaningful.

Now check out the previous 22 articles in this series here:-

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Every Retweet and Facebook share helps me grow my blog. I look forward to seeing you here again soon. Thank you for reading! – Arvind

image courtesy of Tony the Misfit

28DRA – Day 22 – Simple Trick to Instantly Improve All Your Relationships

Arvind Devalia — Tue, 22 Feb 2011 13:30:02 +0000

Have you noticed just how much turmoil and tragedy there is in the world today?

You must be aware of all the world changing events going on in Arab world right now. We can only hope that the upheaval in Libya is resolved without any more bloodshed.

What also made me sad this morning was to read the news about yet another earthquake in New Zealand which has led to so many deaths, injuries and loss of homes and no doubt livelihoods.

In just a few seconds, nature has reminded us of a force much greater than us.

All we can do is hope and pray that the people affected rebuild their broken homes and lives quickly and allow their healing to begin.

We can also send the bereaved people our love and positive vibes.

This is another reminder, if we ever needed one, about how our lives are so fragile and yet so precious. Which makes it even more imperative that we make the most of our relationships with our loved ones.

This is Day 22 of our “28 Day Relationships Adventure (DRA)” in February. You can read the previous 21 articles by following the links at the bottom of this post.

My article yesterday about not judging people caused quite a stir on Facebook and it seems to me that our prejudices against people are quite deeply ingrained.

So just how can we appreciate people more rather than judging them?

Why should we wait till the end of our lives before truly appreciating our loved ones?

On day 17 of our relationships adventure, I have already mentioned appreciation of others as one of my 11 keys to improve all your relationships.

Today I would like to build on this by sharing a very powerful appreciation exercise which will change your perspective of people forever.

I learnt and began to apply this simple trick a few years ago, which will improve all your relationships quite quickly. By the way, this is nothing new and I am sure I read somewhere a while ago about appreciation circles.

The idea of this “appreciation circle” is to get everyone to say something positive of someone, present or not present, dead or alive.

During the grieving period for my late father a few years ago, one afternoon we were all sitting around in the lounge in a rough circle. All our immediate family were there and it was a very special but sombre time.

I suggested we go around the room with each person sharing what they remembered about my father and what he meant to them.

It was a magical 15 minutes as everyone shared their fondest memories about my father – and funnily we even learnt a few things from my aunts about him that we didn’t know before.

At the end of this session of appreciation after everyone had had their say, I suggested we should do this more often, but with a LIVING person and not wait till he or she had passed away.

So this is what you can do from today.

You don’t even need a group – mentally picture a person in your life and imagine all their positive qualities and just what they mean to you.

You can go one step further and write down everything and share it with that person.

Finally, you can even expand on this by writing down things about a person you hardly even know and sharing with that person.

I wonder what we would all say about each other!

Can you imagine how the world would be a better place if we all lived our lives with this attitude of appreciation, complimenting and noticing only people’s finest points?

Please share below your own thoughts and ideas about showing your appreciation.

Here’s the Daily Exercise for Today:-

For today’s exercise, choose one person with whom you want to improve your relationship and spend a few minutes appreciating their fine points and what they mean to you in your life.

Believe it or not, they will tune into your positive thoughts subconsciously, and almost like magic your relationship will improve.

How cool is that?!

Now check out the previous 21 articles in this series here:-

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Every Retweet and Facebook share helps me grow my blog. I look forward to seeing you here again soon. Thank you for reading! – Arvind

image courtesy of Vannanana

28DRA – Day 21 – Stop Judging, Start Loving

Arvind Devalia — Mon, 21 Feb 2011 16:35:02 +0000

Do you go through life judging other people all the time?

Or do you accept and love people just as they are?

For instance, have a good look at this image of a man holding a bike helmet. Take your time.

What judgements did you just pass on him?!

Maybe you immediately thought he was fat and needed to lose some weight. Maybe he could do with a shave.

Or perhaps you just don’t like bikers and all sorts of judgemental thoughts went through your mind.

Okay, I am making my point here – but as human beings, we are “judgement making machines” – constantly making our assumptions about how the world should be.

We become judge and jury and arrogantly assume that the world should be the way we dictate.

However, all your relationships will be almost instantly transformed if you were to simply let others be and get on with your own life.

This is Day 21 of our “28 Day Relationships Adventure (DRA)” in February. You can read the previous 20 articles by following the links at the bottom of this post.

Today I want to briefly share with you a short but powerful anecdotal story of two wolves:-

One evening an old Cherokee Indian told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.

He said, “My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.

One is Evil – It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

“The other is Good – It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf wins?”

The old Cherokee replied, “The one you feed.”

Which wolf are you feeding in your relationships?

Your relationship with yourself determines how you relate to others. It always begins with you.

You can’t give love to someone if you don’t have it for yourself. And if you are uncomfortable with love how can you receive it from others?

Remember that judgment of others has no place in your relationships and in your happiness.

As with anything else, you have a choice. Deal with yourself and all of your relationships with love and forgiveness.

In your relationships, which wolf is winning?

Here’s the Daily Exercise for Today:-

Look back over the last 24 days and reflect on all your interactions with other people. Recall what judgements you passed on them – and be honest!

Perhaps you were shocked at just how much you judge others.

With this new awareness, from now onwards stop yourself from judging others.

The moment you catch yourself about to pass judgement, send them a positive thought instead. Over time, watch your relationships with other people magically transform.

This also applies to judgements you pass on yourself. Stop it!

Now check out the previous 20 articles in this series here:-

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Please tell your friends about Make It Happen by using the share buttons below.

Every Retweet and Facebook share helps me grow my blog. I look forward to seeing you here again soon. Thank you for reading! – Arvind

image courtesy of exfordy

28DRA – Day 20 – Share Your Love with Your Loved Ones Everyday

Arvind Devalia — Sun, 20 Feb 2011 17:11:03 +0000

Just how much love do you share with your loved ones?

A few years ago, after a personal development event, I called one of my nephews, Dipak, who was 12 at the time.

The idea was to call our loved ones and let them know that they were loved.

I told my nephew that I loved him and asked him if he knew that I did so. He replied – “Yes I do, but you never say it!”

That was a heart rending reply and just what I needed to hear to become more present to him and others around me.

Talk about mindfulness training from a child!

Learn more about mindfulness and how it can save your life

This is Day 20 of our “28 Day Relationships Adventure (DRA)” in February. You can read the previous 19 articles by following the links at the bottom of this post.

Today I want to highlight the importance and urgency of appreciating your time with your loved ones.

How often have we all missed someone when they are no longer around?

In recent years, I have experienced the loss of my father and also my best friend.

What can anyone learn from the death of a close one?

Firstly, I am aware more than ever before, of just how short and fragile our lives are. One day your loved one is here and then they are just gone.

I still remember my friend who passed away in tragic circumstances over three years ago and think of how much he helped me in my life.

I am living in the same home that he helped me move into, and where he put up all the pictures and the giant mirror in the lounge. The home where he stayed and slept on the floor so often.

I remember the many happy times when we visited Richoux together.

It is such passing moments, short but now special, that one recalls when that person is no longer around.

The biggest lesson is to appreciate each moment you share with a loved one.

The other lesson is to make the most of the time and opportunities you have with your loved ones.

Neither time lapsed nor these opportunities will ever come back. Life really is too short and you just don’t know what is around the corner.

At the same time, have no regrets about missed opportunities, or words not shared with loved ones. At any time, you are always doing the best you can.

Two days before he passed away, my friend even left me a voice message asking me to call him back. Instead of calling him back, I emailed him asking if we could speak after the weekend on the following Monday.

Sadly he died on the Sunday, and we never got to speak. If I could turn the clock back, I would call him back right away and tell him how much he meant to me.

So the lesson for you today is this – begin to truly appreciate the people in your life.

They are all so precious – and indeed it is the people in our life that make your life so special.

And the key is to tell them how much they mean to you.

A few years ago, when working on some relationship healing work in my own life, I came across a wonderful tape called “Healing Relationships” by Bernie Siegel, well known medical doctor and author.

In the tape he talks about how a daughter healed her relationship with her estranged mother. She telephoned her mother every day for three months and ended every call with probably the three most powerful words in the world – “I love you”.

Then one day, something shifted. The daughter was in a hurry and ended her call without those three words. Right away the mother called the daughter back and reminded her that she had forgotten to say something.

In that moment, the barriers came down, mother and daughter were reconciled, and the mother was finally able to put into words her own true feelings – “I love you too”.

When you suffer the loss of a loved one, you come to realise just how futile your daily strivings can be and also how petty your grievances really are.

It is not to say that you should not have any life goals nor allow others to simply push you around. But it is about getting a better perspective on what really matters in your life.

To end, here are some closing words, thanks to my nephew Dipak who sent me this wonderful poem a while ago, which is so apt for today’s relationship article:-

We convince ourselves that life will be better once we are married, have a baby, then another.

Then we get frustrated because our children are not old enough, and that all will be well when they are older.

Then we are frustrated because they reach adolescence and we must deal with them. Surely we’ll be happier when they grow out of the teen years.

We tell ourselves our life will be better when our spouse gets his/her act together, when we have a nicer car, when we can take a vacation, when we finally retire.

The truth is that there is no better time to be happy than right now.
If not, then when?

Your life will always be full of challenges. It is better to admit as much and to decide to be happy in spite of it all.

For the longest time, it seemed that life was about to start. Real life.

But there was always some obstacle along the way, an ordeal to get through, some work to be finished, some time to be given, a bill to be paid. Then life would start.

I finally came to understand that those obstacles were life.

That point of view helped me see that there isn’t any road to happiness.
Happiness IS the road.

So, enjoy every moment.

Stop waiting for school to end, for a return to school, to lose ten pounds, to gain ten pounds, for work to begin, to get married, for Friday evening, for Sunday morning, waiting for a new car, for your mortgage to be paid off, for spring, for summer, for fall, for winter, for the first or the fifteenth of the month, for your song to be played on the radio, to die, to be reborn… before deciding to be happy.

Happiness is a voyage, not a destination.

There is no better time to be happy than… NOW!

Live and enjoy the moment. - Author unknown

Life is not something in the future – it is here today. And the best thing you can do today for your relationships is to share your love and create more special moments with your loved ones.

Here’s the Daily Exercise for Today:-

Look at all the people in your life who are really close and important to you. Do they really know how much they mean to you?

When was the last time you truly spoke to them and shared deep appreciation from your heart?

In the next 3 days or sooner, I request you to have these heart to heart conversations with at least 3 people in your life. Then share below about your experience.

How can you use these insights to improve your future friendships?

And then check out the previous 19 articles in this series here:-

Please Help to Spread the Word

Please tell your friends about Make It Happen by using the share buttons below.

Every Retweet and Facebook share helps me grow my blog. I look forward to seeing you here again soon. Thank you for reading! – Arvind

image courtesy of