I have just travelled on a London red bus for 30 mins or so. Nothing unusual or strange about that at all.

Except that in less than 30 mins, I saw and experienced a kaleidoscope of humanity in all its guises, forms and challenges.

As is my norm and my favourite hobby, I indulged in a bit of people watching.

One great thing about living in a multicultural city like London is that you get to see and meet people from all parts of the world.

And what better way to see such people than on a London bus?

Today was no different and I reckon that in those 30 mins I must have seen people of at least a dozen different nationalities. All humans – in different shades, dress and genetic makeup.

The other common thing of course is that everyone loves their children, even Muslims.

“Human greatness does not lie in wealth or power but in character and goodness. People are just people and all people have faults and shortcomings, but all of us are born with basic goodness.” – Anne Frank

People, people, people everywhere right now in London. Tourists mainly, since its peak season here right now.

Public transport is a great leveller – and on this bus there were commuters in suits, tourists in shorts, mothers with babies and so on. All seemingly on a mission – to get somewhere fast.

Isn’t that how most of us are in life? Always rushing to get somewhere else, never stopping to smell the roses.

There were some old people in their special seats. Some babes in arms and one young child in a pram.

Most of the people were on their own. Funny how you can always tell if two people sitting next to each other are together, albeit as friends, family or in a relationship. There is a lot to be said for studying people’s body language.

Another striking thing was how serious some people looked, seemingly full of self-importance. They clearly hadn’t read my article about not being significant.

Amongst all the seriousness, what really stood out was the laughter of some children and also from a young couple, obviously in love.

Actually, the only happy looking faces were those of children – full of awe and excitement at the joy of being on a bus.

Look back when you were a child and you travelled on a bus. When did you stop getting excited about the adventure of being on a bus?!

Indeed, when did you stop being in love with life?

Also, I am always inspired by how helpful and kind people can be, even on buses. Giving up your seat for someone else may not seem like that big a deal, but it reaffirms to that person and also all those around you how we are all one.

There were people whose faces were etched with the trials and traumas of a life of burden. Or perhaps they were people with a life really well lived, though you wouldn’t know it from their anxious faces.

As I looked at these faces, I wondered what was going on for all the people around me. Where were they going and where had they been? What challenges were they facing?

What were their dreams and hopes?

Were they still excited by their lives or had they given up on their dreams a long time ago?

At what point does a life of joy become one of drudgery and boredom?

Most looked distant and in a world of their own, eyes always averted, and being ever so careful not to see you in the eye.

At what point do people stop living and begin simply surviving?

And yet they are just like you and me.

Next time you are on a bus or even a train, look around at your fellow passengers. Look beyond the superficial wrappings and their personal armour. Look for the real human being within and their core humanity.

You get my point – people are people – regardless of their ethnicity, religious beliefs, country of birth. They have the same hopes and dreams – and they face the same challenges as you and me.

Of course don’t stare intently! You don’t want them to think you are strange, which you are definitely not.

By simply looking at all the people around you, you will learn a lot about them – and about yourself.  You will learn a lot about humanity – and what it takes to be human.

Please share below in comments your own learnings about what it takes to be human.

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Have you ever wondered just how significant your life is in the great scheme of things?

And how would the world be any different if you were not in it?

Our entire life is based on our sense of who we are and the identity vested in us by society and more importantly by us.

Wherever we are or whatever we do, we tend to go around seeking significance.

We want to be famous, well known, good looking, raved about, have a massive following in social media and so on. You get my point.

Yet in the big scheme of things, you and I just don’t matter. In years to come, we will just be dust or just ashes, as it will be in my case.

Gone. No more. History.

In fact, for most of us we will not even be history, in the sense that no history books will record our lives.

All that will remain will be our memories and memoirs, if we are lucky. In my case people may remember me via my blog posts and my books for a while. But even those will disappear after a while.

What’s another blogger or author in the great scheme of things?

Yes, sure our loved ones will remember us and grieve us for a while. But even to them, we will be history one day as they get on with living and move on with their own lives.

As they must.

Yes, of course we want them to remember us fondly but we have done our bit and lived our lives. So it would be time and only fair to let them get on with their lives.

So what’s my point?

My point is this – you and I are so insignificant in this world. And yet this is the saddest thing – so many of us live our lives as if the world owes us a living.

We go around as prima donnas expecting the world to bend to our will and satisfy all our whims and desires. I know that for my most of my life, I have been just such a prima donna, expecting the world to meet all my petty whims, and cursing everyone for not realising just who I am.

Indeed I am probably still a bit of a prima donna:-)

We expect everyone to bow down to us and look up to us in our full glory. We want others to see just how clever and special we are. We expect people to treat us like high and mighty.

How can everyone be so blind and stupid not see our greatness?

Inwardly we are frustrated that no one seems to know just how clever or majestic we are.

We get upset with silly things such as someone cutting us off in the traffic or if someone jumps the queue. Just who are they to cut me off?

On a personal level, in our relationships we get upset and feel insulted if someone doesn’t do what we would have liked them to do (e.g. it’s my birthday and she didn’t even call me. How dare se forget my birthday?)

For so many of us, the world begins and ends with us. And the sad thing is the world doesn’t give a hoot about us and our needs.

I read somewhere that your life would be so much easier and smoother if only you can accept that everyone is out for their own happiness and well-being. That way you can always know where you stand – and you appreciate that for every other person their world is THE world.

I am totally independent of the good or bad opinion of others – Deepak Chopra

Am I ranting here? It may not seem like a rant to you, but it certainly feels like one to me.

So what’s the take away from this rant?

Stop being so significant! You are nothing and you don’t count for anything.

Once you accept that, then an amazing thing happens!

You start to live an authentic life for the first time ever. You let the prima donna in you die and a new way of living emerges.

You stop being upset with other people’s actions, beliefs and opinions. You see things for what they are and not how you would like them to be or how you think they are.

You stop wasting your time and energy analysing other peoples “hidden” agendas and motives.

You let go of years and years of petty resentments and grudges. It is what it is and nothing more, nothing less.

You begin to see the world as it is – a trusting and safe place where people are not out to get you.

You stop going around expecting accolades, acknowledgement and appreciation. This will free up so much energy!

“Spare yourself from seeking love, approval, or appreciation—from anyone. And watch what happens in reality, just for fun.” – Byron Katie

I am not suggesting you becoming so self-effacing and humble that people walk all over you. Not at all. Far from it.

What I am suggesting is that you stop seeking significance from others and you begin to live an authentic and truthful life.

Try it and let me know below how you get on.

(End of rant).

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Today is the 100th anniversary of the birth of Mother Teresa.

She would have been 100 years old today had she not passed away in September 1997.

A while ago I wrote about the 6 key lessons in life from a 140 year old man.

Just like Mahatma Gandhi, though Mother Teresa may not be around anymore, her legacy and message of peace and love live on – something that we need in our lives more than ever before.

A while ago, I wrote about Mother Teresa and what she had to say about loneliness, love and peace

We need more compassion, understanding and acceptance of other people and their cultures. As I wrote only last week, Muslims love their children too.

(As bloggers, a lot of us already know about love and being a great lover – check out my 12 reasons why bloggers make the best lovers).

On this day of celebration of her life, what inspiration and learnings can we take from her life?

To start with, check out this wonderful YouTube video which has set some of her most inspirational words to soothing music.

(For those of you reading this via email, please click here)

No matter what your religious beliefs or your faith, we can all learn something from her life.

“There is more hunger in the world for love and appreciation in this world than for bread. We think sometimes that poverty is only being hungry, naked and homeless.

The poverty of being unwanted, unloved and uncared for is the greatest poverty. We must start in our own homes to remedy this kind of poverty. – Mother Teresa

Here are her 6 key lessons:-

1. Take up a great cause

Mother Teresa spent over 60 years of her life in the slums of Calcutta and devoted all of her life to service of the poor, especially lepers, the sick, the dying and the abandoned.

It took a lot of resolve, determination and faith to keep going in the face of incredible difficulties and challenges.

She put herself through a lot of hardships – or what would seem like hardships to me and perhaps you too.

Now I am not saying that you too should devote your life to those living in slums and give up your current life of relative comforts. You just have to find your own small or grand cause.

Learn to feel the fear and change the world anyway.

I for one do like my world comforts and I am sure you do too. And you know what, that’s perfectly fine. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Just don’t be wasteful.

2. Start with your home and those around you

You don’t need to go to a remote place to make a difference. Start with your own home and community.

Also, you don’t need to make huge sacrifices or give money. Learn to contribute from the heart and not just the pocket.

If nothing else, just spend a bit of time with those are lonely and alone. And of course, start in your own home:-

“It is easy to love the people far away. It is not always easy to love those close to us. It is easier to give a cup of rice to relieve hunger than to relieve the loneliness and pain of someone unloved in our own home. Bring love into your home for this is where our love for each other must start” – Mother Teresa

Finally remember that peace in the world begins with you, your home and your children:-

“Everybody today seems to be in such a terrible rush, anxious for greater developments and greater riches and so on, so that children have very little time for their parents.

Parents have very little time for each other, and in the home begins the disruption of peace of the world” – Mother Teresa

3. Have a solid personal foundation

Mother Teresa had a solid foundation that kept her going through all the turmoil and challenges in her life – her strong faith.

It has been well documented how throughout her life she faced personal doubts about her faith and how she ran her missions. But her core values of love and wanting to serve others kept her going.

In your life, you too need a strong personal foundation to build your life on.

“In this life we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love” – Mother Teresa

What are your core beliefs and values? What will you never compromise on?

And if you were to follow the path set by Mother Teresa, just what would you do?

(Please share your answers below in comments)

4. Create a tribe

Once you are aligned to a great cause and you have a core foundation, you would do well to create a following or as it’s more fashionably described nowadays, a tribe.

I guess we have Seth Godin to thank for that.

Mother Teresa was lucky in that she had the backing and resources of a vast and powerful organisation, her church. On the back of that she created Missionaries of Charity – a group of devoted sisters who carried out work and spread her message of love and compassion around Calcutta in India, and then ultimately around the world. A lot of work focussed on looking after the poor and unwanted.

“Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.” – Mother Teresa

Part of creating a tribe is to be media savvy and Mother Teresa always capitalised on any opportunity to promote her cause and to raise funds.

Just think what she would have done with all the social media tools at her behest!

5. Ride through controversy

When you take on a big challenge or commit to any cause, you often run into controversy and conflict.

Mother Teresa went through a lot of controversy and criticism about her style and method of helping.

But she rode through them and remained committed to her faith and work.

In your own life, you too may face some challenges to your authority and integrity. Learn to look through people’s hidden agendas and remain true to your cause.

If need be, take time out for yourself and reaffirm that you are truly on your chosen path. It’s also okay to change course if it feels like the right thing to do so.

6. Keep smiling and loving

Mother Teresa’s most endearing and enduring qualities were her ability to keep smiling and loving, even faced with the harshest of challenges.

If you come from a place of love and with a mindset of helping, then somehow you will find the ability and internal resources to do so. Somehow things will just work out for you.

“Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.” – Mother Teresa

Indeed, the key message of Mother Teresa’s life really was about love. As she said so eloquently:-

“If we want a love message to be heard, it has got to be sent out. To keep a lamp burning, we have to keep putting oil in it.”

So how can you spread this love message around the world?

You can do so by following Mother Teresa’s 6 key life lessons and by looking to spread your love in whatever small or large way that feels right for you.

As she said, learn to do ordinary things with extraordinary love.

The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread. – Mother Teresa

Launch of “Love is all that matters”

As for my part, today I am delighted to announce the soft launch of my new website – Love is all that matters.

For now, this is only a simple page inviting you to sign up for my daily email messages about love. I am currently writing an ebook about love and relationships which will be available in a few weeks.

Please do sign up and on Mother Teresa’s 100th birthday, help me spread her message about love and compassion. This is just the sort of birthday present she would have liked!

And please do also share via your comments which one or more of her 6 key lessons you will begin to apply from today in your life.

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Do you trust the world and the people around you?

Or do you feel that the world is a hostile place and you just can’t trust anything or anyone?

I meet some people in the course of my life and my work who seem to be completely closed off to the world and what it offers.

A lot of us have been almost conditioned to expect the worst and we have learned not to trust others. As a result we rarely see the world as it truly is – a trusting and safe place where people are not out to get you.

I just read a really interesting article from Gary Arndt where he talks about the 20 things he’s learned from travelling around the world for three years.

His first key point is that people are generally good all over the world. Yes, believe it or not, the vast majority of humans are not thieves, murderers or rapists!As I have said before, they are people just like you and me, with their own challenges and dreams. And as Gary says, regardless of their race, religion or nationality, people and their general goals are the same, though the way they go about their living might be different.

Let’s go on a slight detour so I can illustrate my point with a short story from my life.

“No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence.” – T. S. Eliot

One of the great things about where I live in London is that I get to see and interact with different people every day.

I also learn a lot about life simply by observing those around me.

Yesterday was no exception. I was on a London Underground train and the carriage was fairly empty when I got on the train. At the next stop, a blind woman got on with her guide dog.

She sat in one of the special seats assigned for the elderly, pregnant women or children, and I guess also for the blind. Despite having lived in London for many years, this was actually the first time I’ve seen a blind person on a train with a guide dog.

The dog quietly sat down close to her and the woman patted him gently a few times. What struck me was that there was clearly a great bond between the two of them.

I began to imagine what it would be like to live your life in such a way where you could trust your dog and also those around you to guide you and look after you.

I wrote a while ago about how my single day of blindness opened my eyes forever. But this was different from what I had previously experienced.

Throughout the next few stops along the train journey, passengers came and went. Each time they carefully walked around the dog, who due to his large size took up most of the space in the walkway.

Everyone seemed to be looking at the woman and the dog in awe – or perhaps that was just my interpretation of their stares. I would like to think that they were definitely looking on with some empathy, respect and compassion.

I am also guessing that many people in that carriage were at that time grateful for the gift of their own eyesight.

When the train stopped at her destination, the woman got up and the dog gently led the way out. Everyone made room for her, and in all this time not a single word was exchanged.

On the platform she hesitated and then seemed to work out which way to go. The dog led the way and within a few seconds they were gone.

I turned around away from the window and saw that almost all the passengers had also been observing the blind woman and her dog.

It felt like everyone was spell bound by seeing the blind woman and her dog in perfect harmony. It was actually quite beautiful to watch.

I also bet you my bottom dollar that this woman leads a full life, regardless of her blindness.

And why shouldn’t she?

This brings me back to my original point. Trust. Or more to the point, a lack of trust. And just how easy it can be to see the world as either a hostile place or a safe place.

To be blind and to invest all your wellbeing and safety in a loyal and trained guide dog must take some trust and faith.

In the same way, what will it take for you trust more in the world around you?

Why can’t you just trust in the world and the people around you?

Some people can’t physically open their eyes and look around – but you can. So open your eyes and look at the world in a trusting way.

The more you trust in the world being a safe and loving place, the more you will find it to be so.

Expect the best in others and of yourself – and that’s just what you will get. Expect things to always work out for the best, and they will. In my experience, things always work out for the best

How often do you trust and just let go?

It’s an oft repeated cliché, but is your glass half empty or half full?

“You must trust and believe in people or life becomes impossible” – Anton Chekhov

So this is what I would like you to do next. Think about one thing going on in your life which you are concerned about, or where you are not sure about the outcome.

Review this situation in your mind and see how it could be turned around by being more trustful. Then share your story below, so we can all also learn from you. Thank you.

And if you ever find yourself losing trust and getting despondent about your world, then just remember my story about the immense trust put by the blind woman in her guide dog.

You don’t need a guide dog to navigate through your own life in a safe and happy way – you just need a trusting and positive outlook.

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Are you a party animal or do you prefer to be somewhere quiet on your own?

And do you like bringing people together or do you leave it to others?

On this Sunday, 22nd Aug, I am once again holding my annual picnic for friends and their friends.

This will be the 9th consecutive year I am holding this event and what began as a simple idea has now become an annual event that people in and around London look forward to.

The idea is simply to get a lot of friends and their friends together.

I invite all my friends and they invite all their friends and they invite their friends and so on……and before we know, there will be 100’s of friends, new and old, coming together in a spirit of fun, unity and playfulness.

Everyone brings their own food and drinks plus some extra to share. We then also play games, frisbee, hula hoops etc. And of course children are most welcome.

I even say to people that if they don’t have any children they should borrow some for the day!

We also have African drumming accompanied by other musical instruments.

Last year we had almost 300 people on a gloriously sunny day and ever year it gets bigger – check out the photos from my Facebook profile.

And if you are able to come this year, then also check out the Facebook event page.

How it all began

Regular readers will know how passionate I am to bring people together and create peace and harmony. And that’s how this event first started – my own little way of bringing unity in my community in a fun way.

It all started 8 years ago when I thought it would be a great way of meeting all my friends in one place and also for them to invite their friends too.

Soon the event developed to such a level that I met people who were 4 degrees of separation from me.

Also mutual friends came to the picnic independently of each other only to discover that they had common friends!

I also learnt that perhaps in the world of the internet and social media, perhaps we are no longer separated by the fabled six degrees of separation – it is probably more like five or even less.

Due to the temperamental nature of the British summer, some years we have had a scorching day and other years’ torrential rain. One year we even had a spectacular thunderstorm.

Yet I always get a great turnout – it’s clear that people like to meet new people in a nice, relaxed setting where that can simply chill out in a park or play games as they wish.

Over the years, I have made some incredible connections and it is amazing what can come from meeting someone one briefly.

Bring your own friends together for a picnic.

It’s easy to bring people together – and people love to meet new like-minded people. Or even not so like-minded.

So if you are not able to attend the picnic this year, why not organise your own?

No matter where you are in the world, it will be a great way to bring together friends, old and new.

It doesn’t have to be this weekend – it can be anytime, and of course anywhere in the world.

The idea is simply to get a lot of friends and their friends together. And to have a really good time. Chances are that you will get together a multi-cultural group from all ages and social backgrounds.

So invite all your friends and ask them to invite all their friends and they invite their friends and so on……and before you know it, there will be 100′s of friends, new and old, having a lot of fun.

Here are my simple tips to hold your own “Friends and Friend’s Friends Picnic” (or party):-

1. Choose a date.

2. Choose a venue. Make sure it is large enough to hold the number of people you expect to come.

Tell people that the picnic will go ahead no matter what the weather. If it’s winter where you are, then hold an indoor picnic!

3. Create a theme for the picnic – such as “Friendship, Fun and Hope”,

4. Invite everyone to bring their own food and drinks plus some extra to share. Arrange some games and sports if the venue permits this.

5. Insist that people bring their children. If they don’t have any, ask them to borrow some for the day!

6. Choose an unusual theme or activity such as African drumming and singing. Invite people to bring along any musical instrument they would like to play.

7. Also invite people to come and share some of their unique skills such as dancing, juggling etc.

8. Be prepared to have a lot of fun!

Enjoy.

As I said, bringing people together is really a picnic!

Footnote for next year:-

The 10th Annual Friends and Friend’s Friends Picnic will be held on Sunday 7th August 2011, which is “International Friendship Day”.

Please put that in your dairy today:-)

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Have you ever had your home and all your worldly possessions swept away by a giant wall of water?

If you are able to read this right now, then probably not. But for a quirk of fate, this is exactly what could have happened to you. And this is just what’s happened to over 20 million people in Pakistan.

We are in the middle of one of the worst human tragedies ever – probably the greatest overnight displacement of human beings in our history.

Unless you have been avoiding all media for the last 2 weeks, you will know that there has been a major natural catastrophe in Pakistan, where millions of people have been affected by the worst flooding in almost a century.

Thousands have died and millions have lost everything they own.

Check out these “21 faces of The Pakistan Flood” from my blogging friend Abubakar Jamil who actually lives in Pakistan and is able to share with us his very personal experiences.

As you see these images, you cannot fail to be moved by the plight of all these millions of people.

Most people are driven to do something to help. If you are too, then please do so and donate to AAJ Relief.

This is the charity personally recommended by Abubakar, and endorsed in his article “How to ensure that your help actually reaches the Pakistan flood victims“.

As Abubakar says:-

“Never for a single moment think, that you are helping some flood victims, living in a far away land, unknown to you.

Just know that you are helping yourself.

Because, in the final analysis, we are all connected to each other, we are all one.”

Yet for me what has been surprising and disturbing is the apparently muted response from countries around the world.

Though aid agencies and charities have been pleading for urgent help, the response has not been as generous and rapid as has been in previous natural disasters such as the Tsunami in December 2004.

Now I am wondering why this could be – maybe the economic times but surely not compassion fatigue?

Or could there be a deeper, more sinister reason? Is it because of where this disaster has happened?

I am sure the world wants to help – but the situations needs much more urgency as so many lives and livelihoods are at risk.

This also reminds me of just how much “islamophia” in the world today. It is unbelievable – it’s almost as if some people just need to find a group or someone to blame for all the challenges we face today.

Right now, there is a very heated debate going on in the USA over the sitting of a proposed Islamic community centre and mosque near ground zero.

Even President Obama has had to state his position. As he said, Muslims “have the same right to practice their religion as anyone else in this country”.

Of course, this would not have been a controversy if it was a proposal to build a synagogue or a church.

What’s being forgotten is that the people behind the proposal have as much to do with the 9/11 bombers as you and I. Zilch. Nothing.

This Islamic centre could actually be a perfect way of uniting people and spreading more awareness of just what Islam stands for.

Maybe it just boils down to this – the perception of all Muslims as gun-toting terrorists. And yet the truth is so much further from this.

Like all decent people around the world, all Muslims don’t condone the terrorism as carried out by those few extreme, supposed believers of their faith.

At the same time, we also have such extremists in all ethnic and religious groups.  You just have to remember what’s happened over two decades in the name of ethnic cleansing in places like Serbia, Sudan and Rwanda to name just a few.

There are atrocities happening everywhere, with the perpetrators never brought to justice. Closer to my own ancestral home, India, over eight years after hundreds of Muslims were killed in Gujarat, not one person has yet been brought to justice.

What is your perception of a Muslim? Do you think that all Muslims are gun wielding terrorists?

If so, then I invite you to revisit your viewpoint right now.

My understanding of a Muslim is someone who follows the Islamic faith. Simple, nothing more, nothing less.

And we can also have white, brown, black Muslims – it has nothing to do with one’s skin colour. It’s just what a person’s faith is and what they believe in.

I have many Muslim friends – and unless you knew about their religious beliefs, you would not notice anything different about them – they are just like you and me.

Do you hold stereotype viewpoints of other people too?

So look at yourself and see how you judge and condone people based on their other characteristics.

For example, do you dislike people with red hair? Or can you even trust short people? I may not have red hair (yet) but I am certainly short – can you still trust me?

You get my point – people are people – regardless of their ethnicity, religious beliefs, country of birth. They have the same hopes and dreams – and they face the same challenges as you and me.

If you want to learn more about someone’s faith, talk to them and have a discussion. Get to know them and you will find that they are just as ordinary and extraordinary, as you and me.

People who follow the Islamic faith are the same too.

And yes, they too love their children just as much as you do.

So we are the same really.

I would like to leave the final words to my friend Abubakar Jamil:-

“In the final analysis, we are all connected to each other, we are all one.”

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I am honoured to have this guest post from my friend Eduard Ezeanu

Do you want to help the world and make a difference?

Or do you want to help yourself first?

Wanting to help the world and make it a better place is a noble cause of course.

I have a lot of respect for all people who sincerely want to do this.

At the same time, I believe in utilitarianism and I look at helping the world from a practical perspective.

Results are more important than just your intention.

Although it is not to be ignored, it’s not the intention to improve something around you which I think is the most valuable. It is the actual results you produce which matters the most.

You will find this to be especially true if you look at it from the perspective of the people who need the help. Your intention is not of much use to them if you can’t really help them and provide something of true value in their lives.

For them, it’s about their needs, not about your intention.

With this in mind, I encourage you to think about three things that few people think about before jumping to help the world:-

1. Accept that your helping power is limited

It is your ability to actually improve something around you, to actually help, measured by nothing else but the practical positive results you can create in a given period of time.

Your helping power is a reflection of your knowledge, skills and attitudes.

When they think about their helping power, many people discover that although like all human beings they can always find ways to help, they can’t really create extraordinary results and make it happen on a large scale.

They can donate some money for a cause, do some low skilled volunteer work and that’s kind of it.

If you want to have a high impact on things in this world, realising this can be pretty frustrating.

2. Put your own self growth first.

There is a way out of this situation: in order to help the world in a big way, you need to increase your helping power. And for this, you have to improve yourself in the first place.

In other words, you need to help yourself before you help the world.

Helping yourself can mean a lot of things:

• Saving money to get some quality education;
• Tacking various classes and getting various degrees;
• Going to trainings, workshops and seminars;
• Focusing on your job and advancing as a professional;
• Reading books and applying the knowledge in them;
• Taking care of your health and your vitality.

All of these are ways through which you develop your knowledge, skills and attitudes. Thus, you improve your ability to help others, by turning your potential into real power.

Many of the people in my social circle are trainers and coaches. Some of them have spent years and huge sums of money to learn and to become really good in their fields.

Now when they want to help others, they do so by offering free training or coaching to various people or organisations.

Since they are outstanding trainers and coaches, the impact they have and the added value they bring in this manner is mind blowing.

3. Learn to say no to helping others.

The biggest challenge is this: in order to increase your helping power, you need to initially focus more of your time, energy and money on you, and less on other people.

This means that sometimes you will have to say no to helping others, so you can grow and in the end be able to help them even better.

I find this to be really hard for many people who are so eager to help that they give most of their resources to others. They are always doing something for someone else, but not for themselves. They help all the time, but they never grow.

There is this distinction I often make called empathy vs. sympathy, which I believe to be particularly relevant here.

It’s always good to care about others and understand their feelings (empathy), but it’s not always good to actually help them (sympathy).

Counter-intuitively, if you want to make things happen on a large scale, you often need to not help others but instead focus on improve yourself instead.

I know that emotionally this can be hard, but it is a worthy thing to do. When you are properly equipped to help the world in a big way, then you will find your contribution much more meaningful.

And for good reason: you will be helping this world like no one else.

Eduard Ezeanu is a communication coach with an attitude-based approach. He helps others to improve people skills they find relevant and get top notch results. He also writes on his blog, People Skills Decoded.

Image courtesy of Juan Guzman

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Do you go through life feeling unlucky?

And are you superstitious of Friday the 13th?

Friday the 13th, is here yet again and for some people it comes around all too quickly.

There is even a name for the fear of Friday the 13th – paraskavedekatriaphobia, a word derived from the concatenation of the Greek words for Friday, thirteen, and phobia.

It is also spelt in various different ways – paraskevodekatriaphobia or paraskevidekatriaphobia or friggatriskaidekaphobia.

Due to the quirks of our calendar, Friday the 13th comes around once every 6 to 10 months – and for various reasons in many cultures this day is considered to be of bad luck.

Apparently some people even refuse to get out of bed in case any bad luck strikes them!

I wrote a while about how to make your own luck even on Friday the 13th.

Today what I would like to consider is what makes some people just luckier than others – and how you can be one of them.

“People always call it luck when you’ve acted more sensibly than they have.” – Anne Tyler

You know the type I mean – the ones for whom everything always works out well, who are always happy and smiling and they go through life with a skip.

Unlike the people who stay in bed all day on Friday the 13th, these people go through life with a breeze and they go out and make it happen for themselves and others.

“Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.” – Lucius Annaeus Seneca

You never hear them moan, nothing is too much of a challenge and they are a delight to be around.

Too good to be true?

Here’s how you too can be one of them:-

1. Stop believing in superstitions.

Friday the 13th is considered unlucky by many people for various reasons, but others consider it to be lucky!

So my point is stop believing in unsubstantiated superstitions. My logical mind cannot see how your fortune can be related to the stars, the day of the week or which side of the bed you got out of.

Maybe one day it will be proved otherwise to me, but for now I believe in a simple logical view of the world.

As for my friend Eduard Ezeanu said, stop believing in undocumented superstitions – you can easily create a self fulfilling prophecy just by believing Friday the 13th is bad luck.

So be prepared to question your own superstitious beliefs and challenge them.

For example, next time you go past a ladder propped up against a wall in the street, deliberately walk underneath it. Start breaking away from your chains of superstitions.

2. Don’t let your religious beliefs hold you back from giving your best.

This leads me to a really key point – do your religious beliefs lead you to see life with a fatalistic viewpoint?

Do you believe that no matter what you do or don’t do, your life is destined to turn out a certain way because of some past life or even current life misdeeds? So you might as well not bother trying too hard?

Are you living your life based on the principle of karma from the past, or cause and effect in this lifetime?

If so, I respect your viewpoint. However, be sure to distinguish between superstitions based on religious mumbo jumbo and real scientific facts.

Coming from a Hindu background, I have been exposed to the concept of karma from past lives and how in this life I had to make up for past digressions. Also I had to be “good” in this lifetime so as to be luckier next time around. (actually I can’t even imagine being even luckier than I am now).

However I have come to my own understanding that I am here right now, and I have enough challenges and things to do in this life time rather than having to look back on what happened in previous lives.

And whilst I am here  I shall lead the best life I can, do my best for myself and others, and not worry about past or future lives:-)

You don’t to suffer to have a great life – remember that no pain, no gain is just a myth.

3. Just do it.

I have come to the gradual realisation that the people who succeed and make it happen in their life are the ones who just do it.

“We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don’t like?” Jean Cocteau

There is only so much navel gazing you can do, only so many personal development seminars you can attend and only so many gurus you can bow down to.

There comes a time when you just have to take action and make it happen.

“Shallow men believe in luck. Strong men believe in cause and effect.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Clearly you need to be out there in the world amongst people if you are to attract lucky things in your life. But there has been a whole school of thinking built up around the law of attraction and how you just had to visualise something and then sit back expecting good things to fall in your lap.

Yes, it is good to get clarity about what you want and visualise what you want, but you still have to get off your backside!

As my friend Karol Gajda wrote recently:-

Just. Do it.

But he said it a bit more colourfully than I did!

“Good luck is another name for tenacity of purpose.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.” - Thomas Jefferson

4. Look to help others where you can.

A key to success for creating your luck is to look out for opportunities to help others. That will focus your mind away from any perceptions of bad luck you may have but more importantly create good will towards you.

Of course, doing things for others will also make you feel good about yourself.

You can do something simple like introducing a friend to someone who can help him/her such a plumber.

Of course random acts of kindness are always welcome – here are 29 simple ways to carry out random acts of kindness every day.

I am sure you can come up with more of your own.

At the same time, don’t become a doormat either whereby others take advantage of you. Maintain your boundaries and be alert to people who are taking you for a ride.

5. Create new connections – it’s so easy now

With the advent of social media, you now have access to people all over the people with the resources and expertise to help you with anything you want.

You will now never be short of finding someone who can change your luck and help you achieve whatever you want.

Learn about the zen of social media marketing and how to make it happen.

Also, if you choose to do so, you can create and cultivate myriad friendships with like minded people, who will not only enrich your life, but you will never again be short of someone to bounce ideas of.

6. Look out for opportunities all around you

They say the streets are laden with gold, but firstly I have never seen this gold and more importantly, I don’t know who “they” are and I have never met them! Not yet anyway.

People who are seen to be lucky are open to experimenting, being out there and trying new things.

My point is that there are opportunities for new business and work all around us. There are also opportunities in other areas of your life such as potential relationship partners, new friends, new things to try out and so on.

There is so much richness and opportunities all around you for “changing” your luck. Just be openly on the lookout for them.

7. Follow your intuition

We all have lucky hunches but often do you follow them through?

As you look out for new ideas and opportunities, learn to follow your intuition. Listen in to that sixth sense and literally follow your gut instinct.

A few weeks, I met a friend of a friend at a social event, who was very keen to meet up to discuss some mutual business ideas and called to meet later the same day. My instinct kicked in and I suggested we met a few days later at a neutral venue.

Sure enough his business proposition just didn’t resonate with my values and by listening to my intuition I avoided wasting a lot of time and energy – which I could then devote to more fruitful and resonant stuff.

From here on, learn to listen to your intuition and never miss an opportunity again.

Give luck a chance to find you.

And talking of intuition, do subscribe to this excellent blog – powered by intuition, written by my friend Angela Artemis.

8. Cultivate a positive attitude – always look on the bright side

Nothing beats having a positive cheerful outlook.

No matter what is going on for you, by adopting a more positive approach to life will bring forth better circumstances sooner rather than later.

Granted – stuff will happen but of course it’s up to you to choose how to interpret these things.

“The only thing that overcomes hard luck is hard work” – Harry Golden

Expect good things to happen to you – and they will.

Remember to lighten up and light up the world.

And yes, always look on the bright side:-

9. Learn from the past

It’s a dumb to keep doing the same things again and again and expect things to change.

So learn from your mistakes and do things differently so as to “change” your luck.

Take courage, let go of the past, learn and move on. You know it makes sense.

“A pound of pluck is worth a ton of luck” – James A. Garfield

10. Have a zest for life and always do your best

Cultivate a zest for life – and then no matter what happens in your life, you will always have the energy and resources to come back again smiling as ever.

Along with zest for life comes always doing your best

“Luck is what you have left over after you give 100 percent” – Langston Coleman

11. Live with an attitude of gratitude

Finally, be grateful for what you already in your life.

Simply look around at all the things to be grateful in your life and learn to live with an attitude of gratitude.

Remember that life is a miracle – indeed live your life as if everything is a miracle – and you will be well on your way to be always lucky.

Everyday is a miracle and a lucky day.

If you just pause and think about it, you are already very lucky to be even alive and have all the amazing things in your life.

Yes, perhaps you maybe just need to fine tune one or two things, but overall what you already have is amazing.

Never again curse your luck – and especially not on Friday the 13th.

So this Friday 13th, this day of paraskavedekatriaphobia, rather than hiding under a bed, take on the world and go out to make your own luck.

You know it makes sense.

PS I was going to wish you the best of luck, but you know you don’t need it!

Top image courtesy of Lucy Boynton

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This is a guest post from Hugh DeBurgh.

You know that little voice in your head?

The annoying one that insists on interrupting your perfectly comfortable life to remind you that you really aren’t that happy?

That your life and lifestyle could be so much better if only….

You want to know how to shut that voice up, once and for all?  Well, there’s only one way.

You’re going to have to give that little voice in your head a fair hearing.  Face that voice – give it its chance to say its piece – and then decide what, if anything, to do about what it has to say.

The Reasons

There are 6 major reasons that most people give to explain why they aren’t listening to that little voice.  These reasons rarely hold up under scrutiny, but the reality is that they are rarely challenged.  They just sit there, in the back of your mind, providing your conscience with a plausible excuse for wasting your life.

If you aren’t leaning on a few of these reasons to justify your lack of action, I’ll bet that you know someone who is.

These 6 Reasons Are as Follows:

Reason #1 ~ “It’s too late.”

You have been around the block a few times.  And life has tired you out. You no longer have the energy that you had when you were younger.  Yes, your dreams are still there, somewhere buried under years of hard life experiences.  But dreams are, in the end, for the young and energetic.  For people without responsibilities.  And that certainly does not describe you.

Have you ever considered that your lack of energy isn’t so much related to your age, but your attitude?  Have you ever thought that, perhaps, youthful energy comes, at least in part, from youthful minds that are open and excited at the prospects that life holds in store for them?  And that the heavy weight that is holding you down today is not a broken body, but broken hopes and dreams?  That it is your surrender to a hopeless, boring future that is weighing you down?  And if this is true, that your continuing in this way of thinking is increasing that burden?

Believe it or not, when you decide to live a more youthful lifestyle, paired with youthful attitudes of hope, promise and excitement about your future, the weight of age disappears.

The body now has a reason to be strong, and, generally speaking, it rises to the occasion.

And, let’s face it, you really don’t need to be a 20-year-old athlete to live the life of your dreams, do you?  You just need those dreams.

The only reason that you feel too old to live a great life is that you’ve decided to be too old to live that life.

Get off your ass and live!

Reason #2 ~ “My partner would never go along with my dreams.”

Do you see your partner as standing in the way of a new and exciting direction for your family’s lifestyle?

Well, let me ask you this. Have you ever given your partner a fair chance to consider this new direction that you imagine?

I’m not talking about little hints or off-hand comments.  I’m talking about sitting down and having a real heart-to-heart talk about how you feel.

Have you done this?  If not, then you really don’t know if your partner is as big an obstacle as you think they might be.

It is easy to convince yourself that your partner will be a bigger issue than he/she really might be.  And if you are afraid to raise the issue, you may never find out.

Reason #3 ~ “It’d be unfair to my family – they have their own lives, you know.”

Too many people do not act on their dreams because it would require inconveniencing others, and, being unselfish types, these people have difficulty doing that unless they no longer care about those other people.

Is this you?  Or someone who you care about?

Do you believe that it is your duty, your job, to live this way?  To deny your own dreams and desires in order to avoid making waves in the lives of your loved ones?

Perhaps you are one of those sweet, unselfish folks. The loving, always giving type?  The nice guy or gal?

Are you so flexible that you’ve flexed yourself out of existence?

There’s flexible.  And then there is self-denial.

What do I mean?  Every creature has a right to be.  To occupy space in this world.  To operate and make claims to things within their environment.  Every creature has a right to choose and then pursue its own unique direction.  And we really do define a thing by the path that it chooses.

When you fail to choose your own path, but instead mirror the path of another, you disappear behind that other.  You become superfluous.  You fail to fly in your natural direction, and so deny that you have one.

You truly cease to exist.

To be flexible is to be willing to compromise in order to keep the peace.  However, compromise turns into self-denial when you choose to compromise that which truly matters to you – that which defines who and what you are.

Being part of a family does not require that you disappear as an individual.  On the contrary, a well-functioning family is a place where you, as an individual, feel safe to thrive, just as you are, in the bosom of those who love you.

The best proof of anyone’s existence is not an animated body, but a well-lived life.

How about you?  Do you really exist?

No matter how shy or passive you may be in other areas of your life, there is one role in which you have no choice but to lead – you must lead your own life, and you must lead it in the path that you were meant to live.

And know this – it is rare that anyone will lose the love of their partner and children merely because they decided to emerge from the shadow of others and acknowledge and pursue their dreams.

If they do choose to withhold their love, then it was never love at all.  Just selfish control.  And you probably already knew that, didn’t you?

Reason #4 ~ “Pursuing my own dreams is selfish.”

Consider this Oscar Wilde quote – “Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live; it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.”

In the end, the real problem here is your perception that if you take action that leads your family in the new direction that you want, you are being selfish.  And your job as a partner/parent is to sacrifice your life for your loved ones – to be totally giving and selfless.  Isn’t it?  I mean, really?

The first idea that I must dispel here is that that taking a clear, leadership action with your family is selfish.

It’s not.  It’s your real job.

As an adult you are meant to lead.  Your partner may share that leadership role.  He or she may even be the primary leader.  However, in this particular area of your family life, it is time for you to take control.

That’s not selfishness.  It’s family leadership.

Reason #5 ~ “I am uncomfortable with family leadership.”

Perhaps you just fear seizing a leadership role in your family?  Maybe you are used to being passive in your relationships?  To letting your partner make the big decisions?  Maybe you see your partner as a bit bigger than life?  Or you fear that, once you make this one big decision, you’ll be stuck making these kinds of decisions from then on?

Perhaps there have been moments when you could have taken bold leadership action for your family, but you hesitated?

Do you really think that it’s OK to live a life without leadership responsibility when you are married and have kids?

Whoever told you that the proper role for a parent and partner was to do what you are told?  Perhaps to be an emotional well for others to cry in?

Why do you think this?  Who taught you this nonsense?

It is a great lie being perpetrated on so many today.  And do you know who is perpetrating it?  You are!

If this is your life, then you are willingly swallowing a lie so that you can avoid confronting your fears.  And, as a result, you avoid living your life as well.

That may have been the model that you grew up with, but I am here today to help you shake off that dysfunctional idea and to lead you in a healthier direction.

When you let the priorities of others determine your life’s direction – even when those others are your partner or children – you are indulging their selfishness.

You are living your life in the shadow of another’s priorities.  You are denying your own existence.

Reason #6 ~ “I’m not really sure what I want, anyway.”

Don’t know what your path is?  Perhaps you already are living in your true path?  Not sure how to figure out whether you are on the right road in your life?

The answer is not whether your life is perfect.  Everyone carries around some regrets, and makes daily compromises.

Your answer will come from that tiny voice inside of your head.

It is small and quiet. Not like the loud and obnoxious voice of your rational mind.

Your inner voice is very easy to ignore, but you do so at your peril.  Because that part of you has the answers.  It knows what you need to do.  You just have to listen.

It’s so easy to live in denial, isn’t it?  And if it wasn’t for that annoying little voice, you could live this way in relative peace.  Perhaps you are practiced in covering over that disquieting voice?

It’s time to listen to the little voice.  It’s time to take action.

It’s time for you to be “selfish.”  It’s your turn now.

And if your little voice says that it’s time to lead your family in a new direction, then just get started.

You can compromise, of course.  Or, better yet, you can work with other family members to weave a composite family lifestyle that incorporates the best of what each member wants without interfering with the heart of what you  want.

It’s a challenge, taking this kind of responsibility on.  And there is no guarantee that you will succeed.

But, for God’s sake, this is your life we’re talking about here.  Can you imagine anything more worth the effort?

I wish you all the luck in the world in your new life’s direction.  And please, let me know how you get along.

I would love to follow your progress on the road to a much better life!

Hugh DeBurgh, The Passionate Warrior, has dedicated his life to the achievement of the ultimate family lifestyle. You can find him writing about Creative Family Lifestyle Design over at his blog, The Way of the Passionate Warrior. Currently he is on the second leg of a worldwide travel adventure with his wife and four young children. Follow Hugh on Twitter or sign up for his RSS feed and don’t miss an update!

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How healthy are you nowadays?

Can you remember the time when you were really young and you had boundless energy?

Do you still go through life with a bounce in your step?

Today I am sharing with you the story of my father who had boundless energy and went through life with a bounce in his step. He was actually a radio DJ in his sixties in his home town, and would have still carried on if given the chance.

He was indeed the oldest DJ in town!

So what was my late father’s secret for longevity and zest for life?

I am reminded of him today as right now I am writing this from the very desk that he used to write from until his last days when he was almost 80 years old.

It’s already over 2 years since his untimely death and a lot has happened since then as I have tried to get my life back together again.

Though I will always have my father’s lessons in compassion, one of his many legacies for me was his way of living, his zest for life and his energy that would put to shame people half his age.

You are never too old to be fit and healthy.

And it’s never too late to start looking after your health and fitness.

Today, as I am finally able to look back on my father’s life with fondness rather than sadness, I am reminded of his health habits which we can all learn from:-

1. Get up early

The earlier you get up the fuller your day. My father used to wake up every morning at 4am and then meditate for a couple of hours, do his morning stretches, followed by a half hour walk around the local park. He would then have his breakfast around 7am, a time at which most people are still in bed!

I grant you that 4am might be pushing it a bit for most people, but why not get up an hour earlier that what you do now.

How about 4.30 then?!

Then you must check out how my friend and mentor, Steven Aitchinson who runs the UK’s number 1 personal development blog, gets up at 4.30 am everday of the week and gets so much done. Read what Steven says about the 5 benefits of being an early riser.

On a personal note, I am also getting up an hour earlier each day than I used too. One day I would like to be able to get up as early as Steven and my father.

In a future article soon, I shall cover my experiment in getting up early in more detail and let you know my learnings and future suggestions for you.

2. Review your eating habits

Eat frugally and eat healthy food. But just what does “healthy food” mean to you?

My friend Barrie Davenport has just written an excellent article about taking control of your health and eating real food.

She talks about The China Study, the most comprehensice study of nutrition ever conducted and the startling implications for diet, weight loss and long-term health.

I read this book a few months ago and it was quite an eye opener about why we should follow a plant based diet.

My father followed just such a diet and I do believe that a key for his longevity and vigour was that he was a vegetarian all his life.

I am not advocating that all of you also become a vegetarian like I am, but review how often and how much meat you do consume.

Reduce your intake of animal products and you will definitely notice significant improvements in your health.

Apart from that, do cut down on processed foods and do eat a lot more fresh food. Of course more fruit and vegetables too.

My father also used to drink a lot of water, so make that part of daily habits. Of course, reduce your intake of coffee and fizzy drinks.

On a personal note, though I am already a vegetarian, I am experimenting by cutting out all dairy products this month and following a vegan diet. I shall write about this experience in a future article.

3. Reduce your alcohol intake

My father was a teetotaller all his life – except once when at a cousin’s wedding, his older brother (who lived to 102) offered him a sip of brandy.

My father accepted out of respect, but that was the one and only time I ever saw him have anything alcoholic.

Incidentally, at the same time, I politely declined the offer of a drink out of respect to my father! This is what makes me so proud of my Indian heritage – we have our own quirky but noble ways of showing our respect to our elders.

Watch how much alcohol you consume – even cutting down by 10 to 20 percent will make a huge difference to your body.

On a personal note, I have hardly drunk over the last few years, except for the odd glass of champagne. Recently at a friend’s wedding, I had a sip of wine and almost instantly I had a headache. My body was telling me that this stuff was toxic for my body. So now I will just stick to water.

4. Exercise daily

My father loved his daily walks – and he did yoga till his last days. It always used to amuse us to watch him do this stretches, and his brisk runs on the spot.

Early morning walks are wonderful for getting your day off to a great start and I highly recommend that you take this up, especially if you choose to get up an hour earlier.

Start gently and build up your exercise regime and see how much better you feel. Your body is for life – why not start treating it well from today?

5. Have a wide range of interests

One of my father’s enduring qualities was his interest in other people and in current affairs from around the world.

He was very well read and could speak on those topics he was passionate about for hours on end with no notes. He often spoke at community events and only three weeks before he passed away, he presented a 10 minute spiritual lecture at a Diwali celebration.

So cultivate an interest in the world around you and the people in your life – you will definitely feel and look younger.

Take a leaf from the 87 year old man who gatecrashed our family wedding a fwe weeks ago.

Be alive and interested in the world around you – and in other people.

6. Learn to relax and meditate

My father meditated for a few hours each day for the last 30 years of his life. Now that’s quite a bit of accumulated meditation hours!

He also belonged to a spiritual community of likeminded people and he was very active with this group.

How about starting your own regime of meditation from today onwards? Simply take 10 minutes each day to start with. Mornings are best, but see if you can also do night time too, before you go to sleep.

Then you can gradually build up as you wish. Who knows  – by the time you are in your seventies, you too could be meditating up to a few hours each day.

If it helps, then find a community of like minded people who will support you in your efforts to meditate and relax.

I am not advocating that you suddenly become all “spiritual” – whatever that means. All I am suggesting is that a bit of time spent meditating and relaxing each day will really help you in all areas of your life.

7. Have a sense of fun

This is quote key – you must have a sense of fun and enjoy life no matter what it brings to you.

My father had an impish sense of humour and this stood him in good stead through some tough times. He also liked being with people and visiting places.

And of course he was a radio DJ too!

So look at your own life and see where you can bring more fun and lightness into your life.

Lighten up and light up the world.

My challenge to you for the next month

Here’s my challenge for you for the month of August.

Review and change one life habit which will really impact your life. Here are some suggestions:-

Could you cut out alcohol completely this month?

What about abstaining from meat?

How about getting up an hour earlier each morning?

Please publicly state your commitments below by add your comments – and then we can review at the end of the month.

Start taking baby steps from today – and see how much your life improves immediately. You know it makes sense in the long term.

And then one day YOU can be the oldest DJ in town!

PS Post publication note – This article has just been featured as the top post of the day on The Daily Brainstorm! I am so grateful and really honoured.

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