If you are in a relationship, is it what you always dreamed about?
In a dream relationship, you bring out the best in one another and make yourself stronger together as a team than apart. Such a relationship helps you become a better person and provides you with the happiness that you deserve.
If you have been together for a long time, you could take each other for granted. This does not imply that your love for each other is fading, simply a lack of effort. Be willing to make the time and effort for each other.
Be realistic too and accept that no one person is ever going to fulfil your every need and desire. Truly committing yourself to someone requires insight, trust, and being open to vulnerability. Finding such a person and respecting your judgment are a prerequisite to creating an everlasting, happy relationship.
Here are some ways of making your relationship special:
1. Get clear on what you want from the relationship. Make the fulfilment of your short term and long term needs the criteria for choosing a partner and being in a relationship. Create and share a vision of your dream life together.
2. Accept your partner just as they are. Your partner is a very special human being – the only one in the world like them, with their own wonderful traits and unique gifts. Truly love the whole beautiful package they came in.
They are entitled to their own decisions, hobbies, goals and hopes. Find out their deepest desires and get as excited about them, as you are about yours. And remember too that this wonderful human being is prepared to spend their life with you despite knowing all your shortcomings!
3. Be generous and loving in all your dealings with your partner. Give unconditionally, rather than wanting something back in return. A lot of relationships work on a 50 / 50 basis whereby partners do things for each other only on a tit for tat basis. Instead, commit 100% to doing things for your partner, and with zero expectation. If your partner gives you their commitment on the same 100% / zero basis, then you will both be in Nirvana!
4. Always be in integrity. Commit to tell your partner the total truth, as honesty is one of the key things people want in a relationship. Knowing they can trust you builds a zone of safety and comfort around them.
5. Resolve your differences as soon as they happen. Conflict actually fuels a genuinely passionate partnership. So accept responsibility for your part of the issue at stake, and do not blame your partner. The sooner you stop blaming and start talking, the better you will feel.
Never go to sleep with an unresolved issue. Last thing at night, tell your partner what you love about them being in your life.
6. Do not criticise. It is ok to complain but not criticise. Your partner is doing the best they can – support them in becoming an even better person – you will benefit in the long term. NEVER put your partner down in front of other people.
7. Create a haven for your partner. Make them feel so safe and secure with you, that they drop all their defensiveness. It is natural to feel fear and you can help them overcome it with lots of tender loving care.
Thoughtfulness is so important in a healthy relationship. So be considerate of your partner’s feelings and treat them with the utmost care and kindness.
8. Let go of the past. All relationships have their difficulties. Remember only the lessons learnt and forget the details. Weather the stormy moments, and savour the memory of sunny days.
Remember what brought the two of you together in the first place. What attracted you to each other? What do you admire about your partner’s personality?
9. Have a fun date with your partner regularly and often. Spend one night a week with each other. At that particular time nothing is as important as your time together. Strengthen your relationship by putting each other first. Give the relationship the same commitment you made when you first started dating – simply put each other first!
In a dream relationship, you and your partner can be yourselves. You are honest and patient with each other. You accept one another, and you are kind and thoughtful. In such an open and caring relationship, your love is sure to grow, and working together you can keep your relationship happy and healthy.
From this Valentine’s Day, start working to make your dream relationship even better.