Has YOUR relationship lost its Sparkle, Fizz and Sizzle!?
We have all been in this situation. At first it was a passionate relationship. After a while, the fire of passion becomes a lot colder.
You get used to each other and then take each other for granted. And very often this turns into a constant sliding down of your relationship into a boring state of just staying together – losing all drive for each other just because you are so used to one another.
However, this is not how it needs to be. You can reawaken the lost passion for each other and turn a boring relationship into what it began as, a party of love.
Here are 10 tips for you to boil up the flame of passion in your relationship:-
1. Make An Adventure List
Is every day the same for you? From your way to the office, your job, your meals and your relationship?
Getting too much used to your relationship and taking each other for granted is a deadly poison. But this can be counteracted by some help from Indiana Jones – simply make your life and your relationship adventurous!
Collect a list of crazy, fun things you wanted to do with your partner, but haven’t managed to do so as yet. Break your limited thinking and go beyond your normal ideas of going to the movies.
Break the usual routine and do the “not so normal” things with your loved one:-
* book a rafting trip
* go skydiving
* go on an adventure trip
* do some charity work
You see you don’t have to kill snakes to revive your love life. Just do something out of the ordinary. Do something bold and adventurous together.
2. Create a List of Things You Always Wanted to Do
There must be many things you always wanted to do. Besides the adventure stuff that I already mentioned, over the years there must have been many things that you mentioned to each other, about what you wanted to do. But then circumstances took you away from doing them.
Keep a note of these things. Write down what you always wanted to do, where you always wanted to travel, what your partner always wanted to see, and what he or she smiled at, whenever they saw it.
Keeping a notebook with all these little things allows you to come up with ideas to surprise your partner without you getting stressed over it.
Also note, what makes your partner smile. If you can enjoy these things together it will make your love and passion grow.
If you write it down on time, it will save you lots of headache in the years to come.
Do childlike things together. Just remember – why would you ever want to grow up anyway!
3. Plan Your Time
Don’t let another weekend slip by. Get out your lists, and remove any blocks of comfort. Make the next weekend a project of passion. Book a romantic hotel, arrange a candlelight dinner, book a safari, be outrageous and surprise your partner.
You wouldn’t take on a business project without a plan and a schedule. So shouldn’t your love life be the most important project in your life? Schedule it and share it.
Plan mini-dates, where you might meet for a romantic dinner or spend some time in a luxury hotel together. Let your imagination run wild.
4.Create Precious Moments of Passion
Passion does not come from the big gestures, but from tiny, special gestures full of awareness.
We always think of passion as this big, explosive thing. Yet that is not what passion is really about. It is simply about the small things and the way you did and felt those special moments:-
* The way you touched, when you were deeply in love.
* The way you smiled whenever you saw each other.
* The way you looked into each other’s eyes.
* The way you held each other’s hands.
* The way you said “I love you”
Tonality and intonation convey so much more information than the actual word.
Go one step further, and create your ideal valentine’s day everyday!
Remember how you said “I love you” in those early moments of your love – and say it just like that. I am sure the goose bombs will soon come back when you do so!
Becoming aware of these special things is the key. Be in the moment and just focus on that touch, that kiss and that look – experience it with all of your senses.
When the relationship was new, that awareness of precious moments was automatic. Now you just have to become a little more proactive to recapture it.
Don’t fall in love, create love instead!
5. Speak to the Left Eye
There is something very intimate about our eyes. They are called the windows to the soul, and looking into each other’s eyes is a very powerful way of opening up and letting your souls touch each other.
One very powerful way to do this is to get your heads real close, and you will notice that if you come real close, your eyes are switching from focusing on your partner’s left to right eye.
If you want to speak directly to your lover’s soul, you should focus on their left eye. Every word you will speak, while focusing the left eye will have a very different quality compared to speaking while focusing on the right eye.
It is because you are stimulating different parts of their brain. Looking in the left eye and softly saying “I love you” is one of the most intimate things you can do with your partner.
Try it today as soon as you can.
Also, whether or not you believe in soulmates, it’s all about what you are willing to do to create a soulmate like relationship.
6. Learn to Laugh Again Together
Laughter is one of the best medicines in the world. Remember what it was like to be child-like! !
Why would you ever want to grow up anyway!?
Remember also that laughter is one of the best ways to strengthen your bond with people.
Make a plan to get more laughter into your life. Watch comedy movies, join a laughter class or yoga.
Tell each other jokes, make a commitment to come each up with one good joke a day and share it with your partner, and don’t be shy with it – yes you can even share the “dirty” ones (for men: I know a lot of women, who like dirty jokes too).
7. Share Your Erotic Dreams with Your Partner
Sex is a crucial part of a healthy relationship. And it is very often the first part where passion will go to sleep, and be replaced with routine and boredom. And eventually external stress will even kill that little rest of intimacy.
Again don’t let it happen. Don’t let this vital part of your relationship die a slow death.
Remember how you felt the first time you touched each other and got intimate. You had fantasies and you enjoyed the game. And it is vital to remember that sex is nothing but a game to play (yes it will also bring the kids to life, but that is not something you should focus on to reawaken your love life.) Learn to play it again. Have fun. Giggle a lot before, during and after. Don’t take it too seriously.
Also do talk to each other a lot about it. Do you have fantasies? Do you want to be touched in a specific way? Don’t think that your partner will get it via telepathy. No – tell him or her. Don’t be shy. Speak to each other about it.
And play, play, play – a lot!
8. Learn the Art of Touching
This tip one goes hand in hand with your erotic experience, yet touching has many layers of experience. Become aware of your own reactions to touch. If your lover touches your shoulder in that special way, what reactions does that trigger within you?
Talk about it. Tell your lover, what feels good. And where it feels good. Explore each other’s sensisitive areas. But don’t stop there.
There is a quality to hugging, embracing, holding hands, touching the neck or the face. All of these send different signals. Become aware of it and tell your partner how you feel inside.
9. Talk About Your Inner and Outer World
Relationship is all about sharing. And it is also about sharing the world you live in as well as sharing the world that lives within you.
Tell your partner about your day, but also about your dreams, hopes, ambitions, fears, worries. Invite him or her into your world and join theirs.
Opening up yourself in this way will not only revive the passion in your life, but will open up new layers of love.
And stop being an approval seeking machine!
10. Rejoice Every Moment with Your Partner – Since Your Time Together is So Limited
After a while you take each other for granted. But this is just an illusion. You should always remember that your time here on earth and the time with your partner is very limited. There are only so many years you can share together.
Actually, every breath you take brings you and your partner closer to the moment, when you will pass away. But this shouldn’t bring you into a state of sorrow – instead it should bring you into an awareness of the moment.
There is only one moment, when you can fully experience joy, passion, love and happiness together. And that moment is NOW – each one of you can leave this earth the next minute (if God or whatever you believe in decides so).
So become aware of the joy you can share now with your lover. Become aware of the happiness that will fill your whole being, once you allow it to.
Become aware that this moment right now is such a gift and so precious.
Celebrate this moment with your loved one – take the gift of life, love and happiness and rejoice in it. That’s where passion is born from.
To end, make every moment from now onwards with your partner one of love and passion – and indeed, create a party of love:-).
(Please also check out this related post about how to make your relationship even better)
Now check out Arvind’s Kindle book – “Love is all that Matters” on Amazon
(Amazon USA / Amazon UK)
This book is filled with simple gems about how to create more LOVE in your life.
And if you enjoyed the book or if you found it useful, I’d be very grateful if you’d post a honest review on Amazon.
(This is a guest post from Patrick Stoeckmann)
Wonderful points covered in this article, all points have covered deep insight that can improve the life we are living.
Please allow me to share my experience regarding to point 1: I was very tired due to 14 hours of work every day, that was continuously doing since last two months including weekends holidays. I observe that, the productivity of work was reduced, i was not able to give time to friends and family. Than i decided to do something advantageous things. I took a break for 4 days and went my home town (small village), went to seashore, meet old friends, took lots of snaps (i love photography). I am back now and have resume the work with full effort.
@Jignesh: That’s a great story, that shows that not only your love life but your whole life needs you to get out of that boring routine. We are designed to have some adventure as a spice. And it fuels us with power to go and achieve more than we could with just pure will and brute force.
Thanks for sharing.
Great post and tips… I love the adventures and enjoy planning those with my wife. I think one should plan for an exciting adventure – doing something new and different – even going to a new cafe or restaurant, at least once a week
I didn’t know about the left eye! I’d like to hear more reasoning behind this, if any.
@Jai Kai: That’s a good tip. Making small adventures come into your love life regularly will not allow boredom to appear. Just make sure, that it is not turning into a “has to” and stress.
@Belinda: I’ve had this as a tip from one of my teachers. I’ve field tested it several times and heard from others I’ve shared it with also good results, that those who are sensible enough to observe their own reaction to being looked at, could tell a difference.
There is however a scientific article I came around, that noticed that a certain fish, reacts to a mirror image of itself depending on the eye differently. I quote: “This very unexpected outcome could be consistent with the hypothesis of a preferential use of the right eye during sustained fixation of a predator as well as of a preferential use of the left eye during fixation of conspecifics.”
Very interesting! Thanks for the enlightening response.
As Arvind asked me to add … The scientists quote above refers to the fish predominantly react with the right eye to predators and with the left eye to conspecifics. It is like there is a friend (left eye) / foe (right eye) mechanism is built into.
But I won’t overdo it – don’t stare from now on onlyonly in peoples left eye. Use it for those special moments … like a soft and intimate “I love you, dear.”
Relationship will always be boring unless we emancipate and extend our self for our benefit, as well for our partners. 🙂
I hate quoting a source that I cannot remember but just recently I read a wonderful quote
“Love is what is left after falling in love fades away.”
I loved this post Patrick, I think that you did a really good job on this one.
I can probably add one more point from my own experience.
Create romantic rituals and follow them no matter what. This way you won’t get carried away in everyday routine. My husband and I have a special date on the 10th of each month. That’s our small anniversary and we enjoy doing something special ever month (go to the restaurant, to the movies, go on a long hike without babies etc.) I think that it is important to have this special traditions that two of you can observe no matter how busy both of you are. You look forward to this ritual and keep the fire of the first date burning inside of you and you do not lose passion for each other 🙂
Anastasiya: What a wonderful quote. I have also a great quote “Love, like a baby, is born 9 months after becoming pregnant through romance.”
Creating rituals is a fantastic point. Especially when life and external circumstances could carry your passion away so easily, it is important to create those little anchors for your love.
@Walter: Emancipation is of course another form of growth, and a relationship, where there is no development and no unfolding of ones potential, will become boring and dry very soon. Thank you.
Great tips on keep our relationship lasting forever! I really like “Learn to laugh again together”. Staying away from stress, anger, sadness… is always good for us.
Phaoloo, as the saying goes – laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and no one cries with you!
First, let me congratulate you for writing such a great blog. All your articles inspire. They are fresh and alive. What I liked even more is the way you communicate – your words, as if you were here, talking to me. 🙂 Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Thanks for visiting my blog and for your kind words.
I am assuming you meant this feedback for me and not Anastasiya!
Anastasiya’s blog is here:- https://www.balanceinme.com/
Wish you all the best.
.-= Arvind Devalia´s last blog ..How to Contribute to the World from the Heart and not Just the Pocket =-.
Jenny, welcome to my blog!
Thanks for your kind feedback 🙂