Do you go through life judging other people all the time?
Or do you accept and love people just as they are?
For instance, have a good look at this image of a man holding a bike helmet. Take your time.
What judgements did you just pass on him?!
Maybe you immediately thought he was fat and needed to lose some weight. Maybe he could do with a shave.
Or perhaps you just don’t like bikers and all sorts of judgemental thoughts went through your mind.
Okay, I am making my point here – but as human beings, we are “judgement making machines” – constantly making our assumptions about how the world should be.
We become judge and jury and arrogantly assume that the world should be the way we dictate.
However, all your relationships will be almost instantly transformed if you were to simply let others be and get on with your own life.
This is Day 21 of our “28 Day Relationships Adventure (DRA)” in February. You can read the previous 20 articles by following the links at the bottom of this post.
Today I want to briefly share with you a short but powerful anecdotal story of two wolves:-
One evening an old Cherokee Indian told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.
He said, “My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.
One is Evil – It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
“The other is Good – It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf wins?”
The old Cherokee replied, “The one you feed.”
Which wolf are you feeding in your relationships?
Your relationship with yourself determines how you relate to others. It always begins with you.
You can’t give love to someone if you don’t have it for yourself. And if you are uncomfortable with love how can you receive it from others?
Remember that judgment of others has no place in your relationships and in your happiness.
As with anything else, you have a choice. Deal with yourself and all of your relationships with love and forgiveness.
In your relationships, which wolf is winning?
Here’s the Daily Exercise for Today:-
Look back over the last 24 days and reflect on all your interactions with other people. Recall what judgements you passed on them – and be honest!
Perhaps you were shocked at just how much you judge others.
With this new awareness, from now onwards stop yourself from judging others.
The moment you catch yourself about to pass judgement, send them a positive thought instead. Over time, watch your relationships with other people magically transform.
This also applies to judgements you pass on yourself. Stop it!
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28 Day Relationship Adventure
Postscript – Here are the complete 28 articles in this series from February 2011.
Please do check them all out:-)
1 – Become Aware of Your Relationships
2 – Love Yourself First Before Loving Anyone Else
3 – Love Yourself Without Becoming Full of Yourself
5 – 9 Simple Tips To Create Energising Relationships
6 – Why Decluttering your Friends is Good for You and Them
7 – Stop Bending over Backwards for Other People!
8 – 14 Key Strategies to Help You Become Special Too and Find the Special One!
9 – 10 Key Secrets for Becoming Likeable
10 – Don’t Fall in Love – Create Love
11 – Do you Believe in Soulmates?
12 – Open Your Heart and Find the Special One
13 – Create Your Ideal Valentine’s Day!
14 – Make it a Fun Valentine’s Day Everyday!
15 – Make Your Relationship Even More Special
16 – Learn to Love Unconditionally
17 – 11 Keys to Improve ALL Your Relationships
18 – Why the Human Touch is Key
20 – Share Your Love with Your Loved Ones Everyday
21 – Stop Judging, Start Loving
22 – Simple Trick to Instantly Improve All Your Relationships
23 – Why No One Is Ever An Ugly Duckling!
24 – Why World Compassion Begins With You
25 – Why Teamwork Always Begins with YOU
26 – How to Let People Go From Your Life
27 – Thank the Divine Every Day
28 – Stop Being An Approval Seeking Machine
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Every Retweet and Facebook share helps me grow my blog. I look forward to seeing you here again soon. Thank you for reading! – Arvind
image courtesy of exfordy
“However, all your relationships will be almost instantly transformed if you were to simply let others be and get on with your own life ”
This I think can possibly be the secret to life.
Shilpa, you finally got the secret to a happy life:-)
Happy relationships!
I think that Cherokee tale may just be the take-away of the day for me 🙂
Stuart, glad you liked the Cherokee message.
Simple yet profound and powerful.
I’ve heard a similar story to the Cherokee one, but it is told as dragons and not wolves. Which dragon wins? The one you feed, obviously. I always, always try to choose the “good” dragons but that’s hard at times!
Not only that, but judging just comes naturally; it’s human nature. We make assessments about people upon laying eyes on them. We just need to choose to see more good than bad, ya know?
Lindsay, I guess there are many variations on this story depending on the culture. The dragons version may have originated in China:-)
Choose your dragons carefully otherwise their fire will engulf you!
And yes, we just need to see more good than bad – which is exactly what I have explained in today’s post (day 22):-
https://www.arvinddevalia.com/blog/2011/02/22/simple-trick-to-improve-all-your-relationships/
Arvind,
It looks like your story was a hit! I love it too. It really is all about focus, isn’t it? When we are in a good state of mind, we tend to focus on good things, and it reverses when our state of mind does.
We are “judgement making machines” Whew! Glad it isn’t just me!
I’m working on it!
Lori, yes this story did become quite popular on Facebook!
I think the reference to whether you judge bikers had something to do with it:-)
Yes, we are indeed judgement making machines! It’s part of the human condition, I guess.
Maybe that’s what enlightenment is – when you are finally completely in the present moment and your mind stops judging and making everything and everyone wrong.
Good luck with attaining enlightment!
Arvind,
I love this post, letting go of judgement is crucial to moving forward in one’s life and towards one’s own fullfilment
The picture you chose is brilliant- how that can trigger judgement about how someone looks- by their face, the bikie helmet, the howling wolf, etc
I was pleased to say initially i read the words and then looked at the image
namaste
Suzie
Suzie, glad you liked this post and the picture!
It took me a while to find the “perfect” image on Flickr but this one proved to just right to allow me to make my point.
Wishing you all the best with you moving forward in your life and your fulfilment.
Hi Arvind,
I have heard the wolf story many times; it is encouraging and inspiring.
When I relate with people I relate from my heart space to theirs…I actually look past physical and labels to their inner core. So much so that I often do not recall physical details about someone because I haven’t actually noticed external! I would not be a good criminal witness.
It is a magnificent way to relate; however the barrier is that often I accept and love a person entirely even before they have been able to accept their own “external”..it has a lot to do with the gifts of clarity and intuitiveness.
Excellent post and excellent series Arvind..I wonder how you will follow it in March?
Joy, the wolf story is one of my favourites – and it seems to be a universal story found in many cultures.
Great that you connect to the inner core of people and not the external, stuff. And yet most people only ever the seen the superficial things.
However, I am not sure why you say that it’s a barrier to accept and love a person entirely even before they have been able to accept themselves.
It’s amazing that you have such a wonderful gift of clarity and intuition!
As for how I follow it up in March, it’s easy – I’ll just take the whole month off!
Watch this space…
Arvind, I have not heard this story before and think it absolutely resonates with me. I try never to judge people on meeting for the first time. Instead I have learned through time to accept people for what they are and hope they do likewise with me. In any case instant judgements are quite often completely wrong. For example I once engaged a coach over the phone. They sounded clipped and down right “scary”. I took a chance and it paid off. The individual became more personal with time and went on to help me at a difficult time. later after meeting in person, this individual was the nicest and kindest of individuals. Acceptance is the key!
Fiona, welcome again to my blog and I am glad that the wolf story resonated with you.
It’s all about accepting people just as they are and leaving behind our pre-conceived judgements.
Great that you persevered with that coach:-)
I have often thought that there is a line in observation and judgment. When we cross that line, we feel it in our very being, because we use ourselves as a reference point. Comparison and thinking about what other people should or shouldn’t do cause us great grief indeed. We cast our judgment upon ourselves! Letting go of our judgment really is a wonderful and liberating feeling.
Sandra, thanks for making that distinction between observation and judgement. I guess the question is at what point does one cross that line?
And yes, comparison and thinking about what other people should or shouldn’t do leads to great grief.
I pray that I am freed from being a “judgement making machine” asap:-)
Actually omitting the thinking of what other people should or shouldn’t do is where we find relief from the ill effects of judgment. We know we have crossed the line when we feel negative feelings. Gossiping about other people is one way that we frequently fall into the trap of crossing that line. Comparing ourselves to other people is another thing to eliminate if we want to let go of judgment. This is a very involved subject obviously. If we can stop judging other people according to our own standards, we are happier for it.
Sandra, thanks for clarifying.
Gossiping about other people is something that I used to do a lot but now only do it when they are not around:-)
As for comparing ourselves with others, where do we ever stop?
Thanks again for adding to the conversation.