It is Valentine’s Day today, in case you had not noticed.
What with all this media hype and commercial overkill, you must have been living in a cocoon for a few days not to have noticed that it is the time of the year where a lot of normally sane people go out and spend a fortune on flowers etc for their loved ones.
I am all for celebrating love- and everyday too and not just on 14th February. It is just the commercialisation of the day that doesn’t sit well with me. It also plays on people’s insecurities around being single and pressurises couples to go out and do something.
But my main point is that everyone should celebrate love everyday of the year and not just on one day dictated to tradition. Rather than going through the motions on Valentine’s Day, why not simply make the celebration of love everyday a lifelong habit?!
Valentines Day, usually celebrated equally by newly dating couples as well as “old-timers”, is also a time when people in a relationship may be reflecting on their relationship.
So, if you are in a relationship, is it what you always dreamed about?
In a dream relationship, you bring out the best in one another and make yourself stronger together as a team than apart. Such a relationship helps you become a better person and provides you with the happiness that you deserve.
If you have been together for a long time, you could take each other for granted. This does not imply that your love for each other is fading, simply a lack of effort. Be willing to make the time and effort for each other.
Be realistic too and accept that no one person is ever going to fulfil your every need and desire. Truly committing yourself to someone requires insight, trust, and being open to vulnerability. Finding such a person and respecting your judgment are a prerequisite to creating an everlasting, happy relationship.
Here are some ways of making your relationship special:
1. Get clear on what you want from the relationship
Make the fulfilment of your short term and long term needs the criteria for choosing a partner and being in a relationship. Create and share a vision of your dream life together.
2. Accept your partner just as they are
Your partner is a very special human being – the only one in the world like them, with their own wonderful traits and unique gifts. Truly love the whole beautiful package they came in.
They are entitled to their own decisions, hobbies, goals and hopes. Find out their deepest desires and get as excited about them, as you are about yours. And remember too that this wonderful human being is prepared to spend their life with you despite knowing all your shortcomings!
3. Be generous and loving in all your dealings with your partner
Give unconditionally, rather than wanting something back in return.
A lot of relationships work on a 50 / 50 basis whereby partners do things for each other only on a tit for tat basis. Instead, commit 100% to doing things for your partner, and with zero expectation. If your partner gives you their commitment on the same 100% / zero basis, then you will both be in Nirvana!
4. Always be in integrity
Commit to tell your partner the total truth, as honesty is one of the key things people want in a relationship. Knowing they can trust you builds a zone of safety and comfort around them.
5. Resolve your differences as soon as they happen
Conflict actually fuels a genuinely passionate partnership. So accept responsibility for your part of the issue at stake, and do not blame your partner. The sooner you stop blaming and start talking, the better you will feel.
Never go to sleep with an unresolved issue. Last thing at night, tell your partner what you love about them being in your life.
6. Do not criticise
It is ok to complain but not criticise. Your partner is doing the best they can – support them in becoming an even better person – you will benefit in the long term. NEVER put your partner down in front of other people.
7. Create a haven for your partner
Make them feel so safe and secure with you, that they drop all their defensiveness. It is natural to feel fear and you can help them overcome it with lots of tender loving care.
Thoughtfulness is so important in a healthy relationship. So be considerate of your partner’s feelings and treat them with the utmost care and kindness.
8. Let go of the past.
All relationships have their difficulties. Remember only the lessons learnt and forget the details. Weather the stormy moments, and savour the memory of sunny days.
Remember what brought the two of you together in the first place. What attracted you to each other? What do you admire about your partner’s personality?
9. Have a fun date with your partner regularly and often
Spend at least one evening a week with each other. At that particular time nothing is as important as your time together. Strengthen your relationship by putting each other first. Give the relationship the same commitment you made when you first started dating – simply put each other first!
In a dream relationship, you and your partner can be yourselves. You are honest and patient with each other. You accept one another, and you are kind and thoughtful. In such an open and caring relationship, your love is sure to grow, and working together you can keep your relationship happy and healthy.
Start working on your dream relationship today.
Celebrate your love for each other each day – just pretend it is Valentine’s Day everyday 🙂