1. I never really “got” this until I started putting it into practice by taking myself on dates as advised in Julia Cameron’s “Artists’s Way” Book. As I learned to listen to myself and treat myself well, the amount of generosity I felt towards others expanded.

    • Hey Jean, I’m happy to hear you’ve finally become selfish (in a good way). Also glad to know that you learned something valuable from Julia — treat yourself well and your happiness will show itself to others.

      I might have to check out that book sometime.

  2. Hi Arvind,

    This post rings so true to me. I am a giver and neglect myself. If someone treated me the way I treat myself, I would intervene and be quite concerned. However, I am learning to treat myself the way I do with others.


    • Hey CC! It seems a lot of you guys read similar great blogs 🙂

      Based on what you’ve told me, you should treat yourself better. I know you mean well, but you must take care of you first before you can help others.

  3. Hi Arvind, So true! We can’t be there for others unless we’ve first taken care of our own needs. I think one of the biggest obstacles is in our own minds though. We believe that we have to say yes to others all the time or we’re a bad person. It took me years to realize that paying attention to my own needs was okay.

    • Angela,

      It seems that everyone has a lot of the same problems. I’m curious as to how this starts. Why are we SO giving? More specifically, why do we give when have nothing to give?

      Hold off on the ‘yes’s’ for a while, and have the confidence to say ‘no’. Sometimes you have to wait until you can give to give.

  4. This is such an interesting idea. I think it’s right, that we can give so much more value to others once we’ve learned to truly value ourselves. But, that takes some initial selfishness. This is something I need to spend some more time thinking about!

    • Topi,

      It all starts with you. It’s in the same way as the saying “You must love yourself before you can love another.”

      This is worth thinking hard about. Go for it!

  5. Your post does make sense, however, I hate selfishness, and people that are selfish also. To be happy means different things to different people, and I will not be happy while being selfish.

    • Tatiana, I think you’re being a little close minded. Everybody is selfish. The fact that you commented on this post was selfish. Because YOU wanted to have your opinion heard.

      It’s really not as bad as you make it seem.

  6. John, selfishness cannot be a good thing, and can it be that you used the wrong word, and instead of selfishness you intended something else?

    • Hey Tatiana,

      First of all, thanks for your question – maybe we can get to the bottom of this.
      I’m just curious – why can’t selfishness be a good thing? I’ve already explained how it’s good in this post, but you haven’t really explained to me why it can’t be good.

      Selfishness can be bad, but it can also be used for good – this was the main idea of my post.

      I intended the word, selfishness. If you don’t think so, what word would you use?

  7. john doe says


    tatania, john

    i think the term you would be looking for would be –

    self interested

9 Smart Ways to Focus in the Age of Distraction


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