Why You ARE Enough!

You ARE good enough!

Do you ever wonder if you have what it takes?

When was the last time you allowed yourself to just be?

A couple of days ago, I was working with a coaching client and what came up was how sometimes we can feel like there is so much to do and yet so little time. We end up with huge to-do lists which never seem to get shorter and we collect in our head all those actions which we will one day do.

It’s a case of one day, some day, I will do this, visit that place and read that book.

At the same time, we feel that we must do this or that so as to prove ourselves to others. Actually, a lot of the time it’s even about proving to ourselves that we can do or have something.

At the root of this is this sense of not being good enough and therefore having to continuously prove ourselves as worthy.

A lot of my coaching is intuitive and I usually allow the coaching conversation to bubble up and go where it goes.

In this particular session, the phrase “I am enough” came up.  And that changed the whole dynamic of  the session – and indeed my client’s face even lit up as realisation dawned that actually all was fine and he was enough.

No more things to do, places to go to and people to meet. Just let it be. And everything will fall into place.

As a famous fab four once said, just let it be.

So often the client you attract or even the people you meet are a reflection of what you need to learn most in your life at that time.

For me, that session was a realisation and awareness that I too was pushing myself so much – yes, I have a huge to-do list. And my mind is full of all the things I want to do – or more accurately things I feel I have to do. In my work I have a number of projects ticking over and of course my social life is as busy as ever.

How did I get like this? Well, I have always been driven and determined to do a lot of things in my life. But not if it wears me out and my work and health suffers.

Quality and excellence are very important to me, so I do always go the extra mile with my clients and everything else I do. But at the same time, I have to learn to look after my self first!

My own lesson is this – to always remember that I am enough. I don’t have to do anything to prove this to myself and indeed to others. Just let it be.

And the lesson for you? Of course, you are enough too.

The moment you can accept that you are enough and okay just the way you are, you can create things from an empty space and a place of freedom.

Here’s an exercise for you to carry out right now. Stop what you are doing and pause for a few minutes. Close your eyes. Reflect on what it feels like to know that you are enough.

You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. Just be.

And if you are enough, then what possibilities open up for you?

Ironically, in the last two days, whats happened for me has been a flurry of activity to simplify some areas of my life which were becoming overwhelming. Too many projects and social commitments.

So over the last two days I have let go of a few commitments, and cancelled some planned fun things. Then today I am having a friend help me tidy up my home and make it even more immaculate:-)

Though I actively declutter all the time, we are having a huge decluttering session today – and gone will be my to-do lists and backlog of emails etc.

Maybe you too would like to spend a few hours being ruthless and decluttering your life today, or over the coming weekend.

Just remember my 20 questions to simplify your life forever.

Knowing that you are enough means that you can stop wasting so much energy in trying to prove your worth to others, and indeed to yourself.

You simply begin to cease seeking approval from others.

As Byron Katie put it so eloquently:-

“God spare me from the desire for love, approval or appreciation – amen”Byron Katie

From today onwards as you rush through life, pause every now and then to remember that you are enough.

See how your life begins to slow down and you truly begin to see the miracles and the beauty around you.

“The more you notice the love, the miracles and the beauty around you, the more love comes into your life.” Betty Eadie

This idea of accepting that you are enough may seem simplistic for some people, but the simple ideas are usually the most powerful.

So remember always, you are enough.

Please share below your thoughts about being enough – and how you will now see your life differently.

Image courtesy of Wonderlane

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Comments

  1. Danielle Brower says

    Arvind – this post could not have come at a better time! (You’ll see once you read the last email I sent you!) I needed this reminder that I am enough. Sometimes I wonder if I’m TOO much! I see that I can’t live for the approval of others or for trophies of accomplishments. Instead I need to be at peace that I am RIGHT now being the person I am supposed to be – not according to anyone else’s standards, but my own! Thank you for your wise encouragement!

    • Danielle, I just checked the email you sent me and I see what you mean!

      Knowing that you already have all you need within you can be quite liberating. That allows one to stop seeking approval from others, and also to base their life around more trophies and accomplishments.

      So be at peace right now with who you already are as a person.

      One word of caution though – you mention being at peace with the person you are supposed to be by your own standards. Well, just make sure that you are not setting such a high standard that you fall by it yourself. Please don’t make that another reason to beat yourself up!

  2. Sibyl-alternaview says

    Arvind: What a great post and it really drove home an important message to me … We really are enough. It is so easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life and feel overwhelmed by all we have to do. However, when we just step back, take a time out, and realize that we are enough, it helps to put everything into perspective. Isn’t it interesting how the perfect messages and lessons always come to you at the right time. I know you shared that this one came to you while you were working with your client and so I thank you for also bringing this message to me. Sometimes you really do need to be reminded to just let things be. Great post. Have a great weekend and enjoy hanging out with your friend and decluttering 🙂

    • Yes Sibyl – we are all enough.

      As you say, take some time out and you will realise that you are ok – and enough.

      And its amazing how we get just the right messages we need at any time in our life.

      Most of my decluttering is done and I am off shortly to drop of some unwanted clothes to a local collection point. The weekend is looking good:-)

      You have a great weekend too!

  3. Arvind, perfect timing for this post. I am trying to get a few projects off my plate this weekend, so I can chill on over committing and reevaluate. I have not done anything I enjoy in a while and it is finally bothering me enough to do something about it. In the meantime I have just been honest with clients, and tell them I have over committed myself and that I am working through it, so please be patient. I just don’t want to live my life playing catch up.

    Also, I was thinking about people who think they are better than anyone else and the only thing I find that works is to try not to take anything personally. I heard that anticipation helps in life. So if you see something that may need attention take care of it before it becomes a problem. Good advice.

    –I have the urge to unclutter and simplify further this weekend too! 🙂 Must be in the air.
    Marla

    • Marla, it seems that this post has been perfect for a lot of people.

      I have bene playing catch up for the last few weeks and it has been such hard work. But no more!

      Great that you have the insight and courage to take this on headon and you are being honest with your clients.

      Thanks for sharing about how anticipation helps to give something attention before it becomes a problem. And yes, never take anything personally!

      Happy decluttering this weekend. I am almost done, but there is always more, even though I took a large black bag of clothes last night to the recyclying place.

  4. William Lee says

    Thanks for the great post Arvind. I think this is a timely and relevant challenge more people than we know go through. My wife is going into her second year as an elementary school Vice Principal here in Canada after 17 years as a teacher and sees the difficulties kids face very day with esteem. Despite the PC protocol of not being physical with kids, my wife is loved by many of her students because of her commitment, passion, and great hugs! Her simple words of encouragement often brighten a troubled child’s day. Your point about ‘I am enough’ is a good one and makes for a great place for people to begin to turn their lives around – even if they want to do or be more. Thanks Arvind. Looking forward to more…

    • Bill, thanks for sharing about your wife’s work – the world needs more teachers like her to spreadh the message about being enough and helping kids boost their self-esteem.

  5. I too appreciate this post. I was in my 40’s when a psychology teacher first mentioned the concept of enoughness. It was very freeing. I have worked with it since then. A corollary for me of it is that there isn’t anything I have to do. This is particularly helpful when family or friends seem to be pressuring for some particular thing. When I feel that pressure, I back off and maintain my own counsel.
    Just yesterday a friend asked me to pick her up from work. It took 45 minutes. Some might say that is a little thing. To me it was not. It is so much easier for me to deal with things like this when I remember that I am enough, just as I am..

    • Purplumec, I had a coaching session with a friend a few years ago who first introduced me to the concept of enoughness and the affirmation “I am enough”.

      Knowing that you are enough is very freeing – and you can then begin to filter out unreasonable requests from family and friends.

      Its great when you have to do nothing to prove your worth to anyone else – and indeed yourself.

  6. Gip @ So Much More Life says

    “Enoughness” is missing from many people’s lives, and it is one thing that can radically change a life for the better.

    The idea that things in the world are scarce — life, resources, ideas — creates much of the conflict in the world. For example, without scarcity, the so-called immigration crisis in the U.S. goes away when we realize there is enough of all resources to go around.

    Nothing in the world is scarce, only poorly distributed. That includes our own lives — our own time, actually.

    Great job, Arvind.
    Gip

    • Gip, thanks for so nicely expanding the theme of enoughness.

      As Gandhi said, there is enough in the world for everyone’s need but not greed.

      So there is enough within us and around us for everyone:-)

  7. Thank you Arvind. Today I feel like I am enough.

  8. “So often the client you attract or even the people you meet are a reflection of what you need to learn most in your life at that time.” – Very eloquent and poignant! 🙂

    • Thanks Amit – hope you enjoying taking time out from working – and attracting & meeting just the people you need to learn the most from in your life right now:-)

  9. Scott Dinsmore says

    I have recently been dealing with this exact issue Arvind. You nailed it squarely on the head! And with how generous you’ve been to me and so many others, I can only imagine that you feel the same. My list grows faster than it shrinks and there are so many things I want to do and accomplish, especially as I have started to take my writing and blog more serious in how it can help others. I know there are things that if done diligently, they will lead to great success. But that will always be the case. Just Being is one of my biggest focuses right now. I love the way you’ve communicated this. I will incorporate it in my weekly planning tomorrow.

    Thank you!
    Scott

    • Scott, I can already sense the shift in your energy and your new focus. You certainly seem to have renewed vigour and extra zest. Great stuff!

      Knowing you are enough is probably the best thing you can do for yourself. I look forward to reading more of your work and seeing your blog and its message scale the heights of the mountains which you are so fond of.

  10. John Sherry says

    Thank you Arvind, it is nice to know and be reminded of. In truth we are all enough but first we have to drop the comparison with others, the drive to prove ourselves to a faceless someone out there, and the proof-in-the-pudding syndrome where our achievements or results say we are worth something. We are worthy and we are enough. For anything and for our own life.

    • John, you have hit it on the head – we have to drop the comparison with others and the drive to prove ourselves to others. And you know me well enough to know that I am quite susceptible to this very thing!

      We are worthy and deserving just as we are – and I am constantly reminding myself of this. Thanks for cutting to the chase as usual.

  11. Arvind,

    This is a powerful message for everyone even when they are different stages in their life. Often time, we are most critical of ourselves and that helps grow sometimes (when push is in positive direction) but constant self criticism can bring us down. Note to self, read this article every morning, specially when things are not going well.

    Thank you arvind for positive message today!

    • Preeti – you have made a useful distintion between being overly self-critical and driving ourselves forward in a positive way.

      I find that when I am harsh with myself the negative energy actually stifles me and stops me from moving forward.

      I think the best way is to remember that you are enough, see any setback as a learning experience and then use that knowledge to move forward without all the negativity.

  12. I just read this post. Trying to make it a reality because at this exact moment, I feel like I will never be enough and that I am laid out for everyone to eviscerate and ridicule . . . so I am reading your post again. 🙂

    Thanks for your wise words!

  13. Ian Tomlinson says

    Wow – great post and I love the focus on acceptance. Many of my clients look outside themselves for happiness, as if someone else has the power to give them it. Just accepting yourself as you are, warts and all takes you a long way down the path to contentment.

    • Thanks Ian for your kind words – and welcome to my blog.

      So often we all look for happiness outside of ourselves whereas it’s there within us.

      Self-acceptance – the ultimate key to Nirvana:-)

  14. Love the quote above! I think that confidence is something that we all struggle with at some point or another. At the end of the day, reminding yourself of your achievements (including the little victories) is important. It’s a reminder that you are effective a positive change on someone or something. And that’s important. It’s those little victories that build up your momentum and give you the confidence you need in knowing that everything you’re doing, you’re doing right.

    • Welcome to my blog, Ricardo!

      As you say its our little victories that day by day build up our confidence. And knowing that you are enough no matter what underwrties that confidence.

      Even better of we could just know we are enough without needing some small victories:-)

  15. Arvind, I agree with you that sometimes the most simple idea is the most profound! Not feeling like you are enough can drive so much craziness into your life. I love this simple reminder. At the same time, I appreciate your desire for excellence and quality. Gosh, decluttering my inbox though might be going a little too far. 🙂

    • Sandra, good to connect with you again.

      As you say, the simplest ideas are the most profound.

      Good luck with delcuttering your inbox. But even if you don’t manage to do so, know that you are enough:-)

      PS Let’s both declutter our in-boxes by next Monday!

  16. HI Arvind,

    Allowing oneself to JUST BE is often a challenge and those words “I am not enough” have come out of my mouth more than once when asked by a coach to complete the sentence I am….. There is so much on your post that I relate to and yes this weekend I have a plan to start to clear the clutter from my life and like Sandra I have a inbox that needs a major overhaul so I will join you and Sandra in having a clear decluttered inbox by Monday- Maybe I will check in with you:) Thanks for the reminder to Just Be- i wrote about it 2 weeks ago and still I forget.

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