Become Aware of ALL Your Relationships to Radically Change Your Life

approval seeking machine!

Are the relationships in your life peaceful and loving? Are you living in harmony and cooperation with all the people in your life?

It’s February already – where is this year going?!

This is the month when people celebrate Valentine’s Day on 14th February, and turn their thoughts to their romantic relationships.

This month I am doing something different – I am running a series of 28 articles everyday in February, all about relationships.

You can read all 28 articles which are listed at the bottom of this post.

I am not just talking about the relationship with your significant other, but all the relationships in your life.

People are people and we can’t do without them in our lives. So it makes sense to improve all our relationships and make them the best we can.

To give you an idea of what I am referring to, check out how penguins live together.

Penguins survive the harsh months of winter simply by huddling together in thousands. And the way this huddle works is a lesson for all of us in co-operation, contribution and support for the greater good.

The penguins huddle tightly together for warmth, with each penguin taking its turn to stand on the outside of the huddle whiles others move inwards.

As always, nature and the animal kingdom show us how best we can live with each other for the greater good.

Look at How Much Your Life Depends on Other People

See how much of your life is built around the people in your life. From the person who delivers your mail, your work colleagues, the people who serve you in supermarkets, neighbours, friends.

Some of my blogging friends have also run a series over a month and I am grateful for them showing me the way.

The idea of my series of articles in February is for you to recognise that the relationships in your life are key to your life. Indeed everything in your life revolves around the people who do so much to make your life what it is.

Though for the month of Valentine, you might have expected a series of articles on the relationship between couples, I feel that this is a much bigger topic.

Though we will also cover relationships between couples, I would like to take you through a journey:-

  1. Your relationship with yourself
  2. Your relationship with the world
  3. Your relationship with the people around you
  4. Your relationship with all your loved ones
  5. Your relationship with your significant other

For those of you who are single, I’ll also be covering ideas for enjoying your singledom and how to find “the one”, if such a one even exists.

Note that the title of my series includes the word “adventure”. That’s exactly how I want you to see this journey we’ll take together over the next 28 days.

I did consider using the term “challenge” but then this immediately made relationships sound like guess what – a challenge!

Life is meant to be an adventure and so are our relationships. One key lesson which you will learn is that all your interactions with other people can be light, fun and joyous.

If you nurture the roots of your relationships, one day you can enjoy the fruits of your efforts.

My intention is that in 28 days time, all of you have significantly improved your relationships. You will have a lightness about you and you will approach the interactions with the people in your life in a different way.

I want to help you overcome your fear of other people, and for some of you, your fear of putting yourself out there in relationships.

Daily Exercise for Today

So now let’s begin with today’s exercise.

Today, we’ll start by reviewing all the relationships in your life:-

1. What’s your relationship like with yourself? Do you think of yourself in positive terms or do you beat yourself up?

2. How do you rate the relationships in your life? Are they generally cordial – or are you constantly clashing with others?

3. If you could change or improve one area in your relationships what would that be?

Please share your thoughts below via your comments.

Also let me know what you would like me to cover in the next 4 weeks.

Let the adventure begin!

28 Day Relationship Adventure

Postscript – Here are the complete 28 articles in this series from February 2011.

Please do check them all out:-)

1 – Become Aware of Your Relationships

2 – Love Yourself First Before Loving Anyone Else

3 – Love Yourself Without Becoming Full of Yourself

4 – Love is all that Matters

5 – 9 Simple Tips To Create Energising Relationships

6 – Why Decluttering your Friends is Good for You and Them

7 – Stop Bending over Backwards for Other People!

8 – 14 Key Strategies to Help You Become Special Too and Find the Special One!

9 – 10 Key Secrets for Becoming Likeable

10 – Don’t Fall in Love – Create Love

11 – Why You Should Create a Soulmate Relationship Rather Than Waiting for Your Soulmate!

12 – Open Your Heart and Find the Special One

13 – Create your ideal Valentine’s Day

14 – Make it a Fun Valentine’s Day Every Day!

15 – Make Your Relationship Even More Special

16 – Learn to Love Unconditionally

17 – 11 Strategies to Instantly Improve ALL Your Relationships

18 – Why the Human Touch is Key

19 – How NOT to Make Friends!

20 – Share Your Love with Your Loved Ones Everyday

21 – Stop Judging, Start Loving

22 – Simple Trick to Instantly Improve All Your Relationships

23 – Why No One Is Ever An Ugly Duckling!

24 – Why World Compassion Begins With You

25 – Why Teamwork Always Begins with YOU

26 – How to Let Negative People Go From Your Life

27 – Thank the Divine Every Day

28 – Stop Being An Approval Seeking Machine

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Every Retweet and Facebook share helps me grow my blog. I look forward to seeing you here again soon. Thank you for reading! – Arvind

Image courtesy of Vlad Genie

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  1. Satya Colombo says

    This is brilliant! I will be thinking about this whole idea of relationships now for a while — and I’ll be sure to pass along some more ideas for posts too 😉 — i think the relationship with the self is by far most important. The first question is, who am i? Developing that relationship with your higher self, or your source… that’s what I’m most interested in! That , and of course, a little romance and red wine is always nice ! 😉

    • Satya, welcome back!

      Thanks in advance for your post ideas – I am going with the flow and I have 27 more articles to write!

      As you say, the relationship with the self is by far the most important. I will be writing more about how to develop that relationship with yourself, and also with your source and higher self.

      The question to ask is – what is your higher self? And what exactly is “source”?!

      i might even write about creating the perfect date, which may or may not include red wine:-)

      • Satya Colombo says

        hmm… definitely wine. red or white, but wine is not optional… 😉

        – thanks for the kind welcoming

  2. Joe Wilner says

    This sounds like an excellent focus for the month of February! And an adventure is a perfect metaphor for relationships. It offers a perspective of excitement and hard work. I think that starting with our personal relationship with ourselves is an important point. I will work toward focusing on the positive things I do and make efforts to acknowledge these!

    • Thanks Joe – I am going with the flow and will see how the 28 articles evolve naturally.

      “Adventure” is what relationships should be – not a challenge or something to fear.

      Great that you will work towards focussing on the positive things you do:-)

  3. I nurture relationships with my family.. they are special and important to me. But as for my friends, I consider most of them to be casual, replaceable relationships.. plug in, plug out relationships. I don’t believe it’s easy to find people who know how to be true friends in this world. They’ll forget about you when it’s convenient, and they’ll use you for your purpose. There’s no compassion or caring anymore.

    • Henway, relationships with family are vey important and too many people only realise this when it’s too late.

      I like your description of most friends as plug in, plug out relationships.

      One of my 28 articles will be about how to be a good friend:-)

  4. Great theme for Feb Arvind, thank you for your time and effort in putting this together.
    I will certainly be reading it everyday 🙂
    The number one relationship for me is with one self. If this relationship is built on trust and love then so will be our external relationships; the reverse is true if we have a poor relatioship with self.
    Another thing I’ve come to realise over the years is a poor self relationship can lead to unhealthy depentent relationships with others – we get our happines from our intimate partner / our children / a particular friend…..
    Keep up thr great work.

    • Dominic, welcome to my blog and thanks for all your kind words.

      Glad at least one person will be reading the articles everyday:-)

      The theme coming through from your comment and others is that people are aware of the importance of having a great relationship with themselves.

      A self relationship built on trust and love will then result in great external relationships.

      And as you say, a poor self relationship leads to dependent relaitonships with others.

      Happiness has to come from within us, not from external dependencies.

      Thanks again Dominic:-)

  5. No excuse for enjoyment in life….

  6. A great idea for February Arvind! I’m looking forward to these articles, as a lot can be said about the complex world of relationships.

    Best of luck for the coming month my friend 🙂

  7. John Sherry says

    A fabulous idea Arvind looking at how we relate to others and ourselves. For me the first and foremost relationship to have is with yourself as it’s one that will last all through your life. Self-enquiry has been a life saver for me so I recommend starting there as place to warm your heart and have a relationship that matters. Looking forwards to this series – think it will touch and inspire your legion of readers.

    • John, firstly thanks for your help with brainstorming the name for this series of articles! It was fun:-)

      Self love and self enquiry go hand in hand, as until and unless you become self-aware of yourself, you cannot begin to understand and accept the way you are wired.

      Accepting that you are perfect just the way you are is a challenge for most people – and I’ll be writing more about that.

      Thanks again John for being part of this relationship journey:-)

  8. Great post. I believe my relationship with myself determines how I relate to others. It always begins with me. I can’t give love to someone if I don’t have it for myself. If I’m uncomfortable with love how can I receive love from others.
    I like to deal with myself and all of my relationships with love and forgiveness. Judgment has no place in happiness.

    • Hello Tess, and welcome back to my blog.

      As you say, you can’t give love to someone if you don’t have it for yourself.

      What I will show readers through my series is that we already have all the love we need within us. And we have enough love in us and all around us to heal the world.

      Tess, you are clearly a wonderful example of what people can aspire to be like – someone who loves with forgiveness and no judgement:-)

  9. I just love how the universe is working for me!Yesterday night i was thinking about my relationships with people and realised that they were not going so well. I have only 2-3 friends whom I can call good friends. My relationships with the rest is kind of formal which is something I dont like or hi-bye relationship; i really want to enjoy light and fun relationships as you mentioned.

    “My intention is that in 28 days time, all of you have significantly improved your relationships. You will have a lightness about you and you will approach the interactions with the people in your life in a different way.
    I want to help you overcome your fear of other people, and for some of you your fear of putting yourself out there in relationships.” This is exactly what I want. I want to feel free when dealing with people and not feel dealing with people is a burden.

    Thanks alot Arvind!

    • Welcome to my blog A A 🙂

      They say that there no “coincidences” – so you coming along to my blog was no accident!

      By the way, I still don’t know who this “they” are – but they sure do have a lot of opinions 🙂

      Thanks for coming along on this journey – and I just know that in 27 days time, your relationships will be lighter and more fun:-)

  10. Arvind,
    This is really, really useful and doable! I think that relationships both with others and ourselves are the nucleus of a happy and fulfilling life. I’m looking forward to the rest of the series this month.

    My relationship with myself is that I’m a relentless task master always pushing myself to do more and more. I expect way to much from myself and many times end up exhausted…..I think I need to learn to go with the flow of what’s happening in my life rather than trying to apply super-human efforts to change it as quickly as possible.

    Thanks for making me think about this.

    • Thanks Angela for your kind feedback.

      You said it perfectly – relationships both with others and ourselves are what help us create a happy and fulfilling life.

      I would have guessed that you are a relentless taskmaster! Learning to go with the flow of what’s happening will certainly help you to ease off on yourself.

      Remember to never “should” on yourself!

  11. Linda/Positive Spin says

    I love it that your series will make me think about myself and who I am.
    I tend to be a bit dismissive when someone praises me, I never feel it’s justified, and that’s not me fishing for compliments. I think of myself as having less potential than others. Why is that? Is it because I got more negative feedback than positive at secondary school?
    I find that writing my blog helps me see issues more clearly and I am just beginning to believe in my writing ability.
    This series will teach me about the self I don’t know much about. Great!
    A good reason/excuse to start a Journal too.

    • Linda, welcome to my series.

      You have immense potential and you are already a shining star. It’s just a matter of becoming present to your own greatness:-)

      Also, you are a gifted writer – and you will get even better over time.

      Welcome to the “new” you, which was always there!

  12. Hi Arvind 🙂

    needless to say, your posts are very refreshing and I am loving every moment I am reading your blog. 🙂 The answers to your questions : I love my self, though for some time now have not been taking care of my physical health and need to Heal my body. I realized that this is sacred and should never be neglected. I try to practice letting go of matters which cause stress and negative, thereby trying to maintain a cordial relation with all . Am mostly happy in my relationships. 🙂 If I need to change anything it will be my outlook towards life and relationships, be more understanding and compassionate. 🙂

    Good Luck ! 🙂

    • Hi Nabanita,

      Thanks for all your kind words as always – and glad you are enjoying my blog and this series.

      It’s clearly time for you to take greater care of your physical health. A little bit everyday and you will soon be as good as new:-)

      Be well and enjoy your journey of becoming even more understanding and compassionate.

      Love and blessings.


  13. Arvind, I absolutely love this idea!!

    Valentine’s day, while fun to celebrate, has always seemed like a silly Hallmark holiday to me. I love how you’re expanding the idea to include all relationships, especially the one with ourselves.

    Good call on describing this as an adventure! I love the idea of 30-day challenges, as they have proven to be extremely effective in my life…but you’re absolutely right! A challenge implies a certain amount of struggle and difficulty. While it’s true that relationships can certainly be those things, I think adventure is much more fitting. Adventures are full of challenges, but they are also full of fun, excitement, and new insights!

    Good luck on your adventure…I look forward to following along! 🙂

    • Adrienne, thanks for your kind words – and welcome to my blog!

      As you say, Valentine’s Day, whilst fun has now just become a commercial circus.

      One can make everyday Valentine’s Day by living from a place of love.

      And relationships are indeed an adventure! Enjoy the journey with me over the next few weeks:-)

  14. Hi Arvind,

    This is such a beautiful idea! Wonderful, especially that I find people around this time, put so much emphasis on Valentine’s day, when love, respect and kindness, should be an everyday thing! We can honor each other in special ways, every single day, we don’t need that one day holiday.

    So focusing on relationships too in all areas is key! It is in so many ways the driving force for a better world!

    And my favorite from you today… the penguin story! Oh nature can teach us so much! I was in awe, tears and laughter after watching the march of the penguins…. what humbling lessons for us all…

    • Thanks Evita!

      As you say, love, respect and kindness are an everyday thing and not just for Valentine’s Day. We can indeed honour each other in special ways every single day:-)

      You are clearly a kindred spirit – relationships are of course the driving force for a better world.

      And march of the penguins – one of my all time favourites. So inspiring for all of us.

      Evita, happy marching and happy relationships:-)

  15. Hi Arvind,
    Thank you for labeling this an “adventure” rather than a challenge:)
    When I love my self, all of my relations follow that energy. I attract to me what I when I share peace, joy, love..I receive abundant peace, joy, love. If my relations contain ‘less than’ it is because I am allowing compromise in my life. I tend to be a people pleaser, so have invested energy into some relations that morphed more into obligation and less than delight filled. I do believe that what I focus on grows, so I shall continue to focus on all that is enriching to my I share life enriching with others..
    My PS. I think that wine may be optional..but a sunset is mandatory:)

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