Love Yourself First Before Loving Anyone Else

love the person in your mirror

If I asked you who was the most important person in your life, what would you say?

Would it be your partner, your parents, your children, your boss or even your god?

From today onwards, I invite you to accept that in your lifetime, the most important relationship you will have is with yourself.

And the most important person in your life is YOU.

I recently read somewhere that it would make your life so much easier if only you could accept that everyone else is after what’s in it for them. Yes, even the dearest and closest people in your life.

Now this is not to advocate being totally selfish and a nasty person. But knowing that everyone is thinking about themselves first, also gives you permission to focus on what you want and your dreams.

This is the second of my 28 day series of articles for February about relationships. Please check out the first article here:-

28 Day Relationships Adventure – Day 1 – Become Aware of Your Relationships

You can read all 28 articles which are listed at the bottom of this post.

After my first article in this series, in the comments section, a lot of people explained how self-love and self-care was most important to them.

So some people do seem to understand the importance of loving yourself. But what does that actually mean?

What would it be like to have in your life someone who loved you like no one else ever has?

  • Someone who approves of you.
  • Someone who makes you feel so special.
  • Someone who loves you just the way you are.
  • Someone in whose eyes you can do no wrong.
  • Someone who doesn’t look at your past failings.
  • Someone who worships you and thinks that you rock.
  • Someone in whose presence the world seems so right.
  • Someone who makes you feel like you are floating on air.
  • Someone who makes you feel unstoppable – nothing can stop you.
  • Someone who doesn’t allow you to have guilt feelings from your past.
  • Someone who knows you really well, but still accepts you just the way you are.

Doesn’t being with this person just sound so delicious and yummy?

Wouldn’t you like to meet such a person – someone who would sweep you off your feet?

You Already Have this Person in Your Life – and That is You!

Only you can love yourself the way no one else can. And yet this is the hardest thing for most people!

Does this sound like you?

You beat yourself up and your negative self talk kills you. You eat junk food and drink, and then wonder why you are ill. Don’t even get me started on smoking!

You get into draining relationships and you work in jobs which don’t fulfil you. You push yourselves to the limit and become hard taskmasters, driving some of you to an early grave.

You find faults in yourself and you find yourself as lacking.

And yet remember this – you are unique – there is no one like you in this world and never will be.

Get ready for the love affair of your life.

Go and have a look in the mirror.

And see the one who loves you like no other!

the one who loves you the most!


Daily Exercise for Today

I want you to allow 10 mins for this exercise. Ideally early in the morning or just before you go to sleep.

Go and have a look at yourself in the mirror. Get as close to the mirror as you can – and look into your own eyes. What do you see?

Continue to look into your own eyes, no matter what emotions or thoughts come up. Continue for as long as you can till you can do so for 10 mins. Blinking is allowed!

I have found this to be a very powerful exercise for connecting with your own greatness and also the vulnerable you.

Do this exercise for a month, and watch in amazement as your life gets transformed.

Please do share below your experience and how you felt.

(You can also take this exercise to the next level by staring into the eyes of another person – but I’ll talk more about this later in the month)

28 Day Relationship Adventure

Postscript – Here are the complete 28 articles in this series from February 2011.

Please do check them all out:-)

1 – Become Aware of Your Relationships

2 – Love Yourself First Before Loving Anyone Else

3 – Love Yourself Without Becoming Full of Yourself

4 – Love is all that Matters

5 – 9 Simple Tips To Create Energising Relationships

6 – Why Decluttering your Friends is Good for You and Them

7 – Stop Bending over Backwards for Other People!

8 – Be Special to Find the Special One

9 – 10 Key Secrets for Becoming Likeable

10 – Don’t Fall in Love – Create Love

11 – Do you Believe in Soulmates?

12 – Open Your Heart and Find the Special One

13 – Create your ideal Valentine’s Day

14 – Make it a Fun Valentine’s Day Everyday!

15 – Make Your Relationship Even More Special

16 – Learn to Love Unconditionally

17 – 11 Keys to Improve ALL Your Relationships

18 – Why the Human Touch is Key

19 – How NOT to Make Friends!

20 – Share Your Love with Your Loved Ones Everyday

21 – Stop Judging, Start Loving

22 – Simple Trick to Instantly Improve All Your Relationships

23 – Why No One Is Ever An Ugly Duckling!

24 – Why World Compassion Begins With You

25 – Why Teamwork Always Begins with YOU

26 – How to Let People Go From Your Life

27 – Thank the Divine Every Day

28 – Stop Being An Approval Seeking Machine

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Every Retweet and Facebook share helps me grow my blog. I look forward to seeing you here again soon. Thank you for reading! – Arvind


Image courtesy of D.C. Atty

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  1. Hi Arvind,

    What a wonderful focus for the month! Self-love and self-care are so crucial as a basis for loving others. I love your emphasis on the fact that we already have the one person that can love us unconditionally with us right here and right now. I’m not quite sure that everyone in the world is focusing on themselves first or that this would be even ideal. But in the modern world, we seem to have a series problem with self-love, there’s not question about that!

    • Thanks Sandra – this is my way of making my mark in the blogging world:-)

      We certainly have a problem with self-love – and I actually do believe that if everyone was to focus on themselves in a non-selfish way, it would be a great thing.

      We all have the one people that can love us unconditionally, so why not focus on that person first?!

  2. Hi Arvind,
    What a great exercise! Louise Hay has one like it where she says to look into your eyes and say out loud, “I love you.” and say your name afterward. It isn’t easy! You have all kinds of doubts and embarrassment when you do that – at least I did. I took a lot of getting used to before I felt comfortable with it. I do think it helped me to accept myself though and to feel worthy of love – which is something every person should feel. Thank you so much for sharing this excellent exercise with us!

    • Angela, thanks for sharing Louise Hay’s exercise. I have tried it many times – and as you say, it’s not easy!

      It does take a bit of getting used to. So I would suggest to everyone else to also try this and persevere with it.

      Good luck everyone:-)

  3. Great exercise! I tried this about a year ago (well, something like this). As cheesy and weird as it feels at first, it works! I would wake up every morning and tell myself “I love you” when looking in the mirror. Life changing, really.

    We can’t be the best person for a partner or loved ones if we don’t love ourselves first. Thanks for the reminder!

    • Lindsay, I am glad you have already tried this exercise and it’s worked so well for you:-)

      And as you say, we can’t be the best person for a partner or loved ones if we don’t love ourselves first.

      Happy loving yourself!

  4. Arvind,
    Great post – I’m so glad I found your blog!
    I love where you say: “it would make your life so much easier if only you could accept that everyone else is after what’s in it for them.” My cousin once put it this way: “Everyone is walking around in their own little bubble.” How TRUE!
    And yet we forget again and again, and assume that what someone said or did was about us. It’s a hard habit to break because it starts when we are so young. As young children, everything going on around us IS about us, at least in our minds.
    Now I have a new morning exercise. Thanks!

    • Thanks Lori – and welcome to my blog:-)

      Yes, everyone is indeed walking around in their own little bubble. And what others say or do is never about us.

      Interesting that you say this belief that everything is about us gets instilled into us from a young age. Time to bring up children in a different way!

      Enjoy the morning exercise every day.

  5. Arvind, so happy to find your blog — for the first time — and want to say I love what you are doing and I’m very impressed.
    I was born and raised in London but visited India 9 times when I was younger — great visits that always stimulated me with deep appreciation for the people of that country.
    Anyway — just want to say I agree 100 per cent that we ourselves are the one we must love first, and if we really do a good job of this everything else takes care of itself. Who we truly are that’s to say our true being is so beautiful
    isn’t it?
    Very happy to be connected up with you Arvind. Every good wish.

    • Thanks Christopher for your kind words and wishes – and welcome to my blog. Great to connect with you too.

      I was born in Kenya to parents of Indian origin, and I have visited India 6 times so far. Time for another visit soon:-)

      As you say, we ourselves are the ones we must love first – and everything else will take care of itself.

      Once we discover ourselves, we do indeed realise just how beautiful we are.

      Christopher, wishing you too all the best on your path.

  6. John Sherry says

    It’s the ultimate love affair – to love in yourself all that you love in another. A challenge but a victory for those who can reach the place called Love in the Oasis called ‘Me’. It’s a wonderful place to be. Loving this series Arvind!

  7. I simply loved this post Arvind ! 🙂 Am learning to cope with my negative feelings which comes back sometimes……but thats a part of yesterday and today I feel am glad I found so many supporters and good friends like you to pave my path . Good work. keep going. please do not stop. 🙂 good luck. 🙂

  8. Ande Waggener says

    What a great exercise–I’m looking forward to doing it. I thought I had this self love thing well in hand until I gained a whole bunch of weight, and then I felt it wavering a bit, so this will be a great exercise for me. 🙂

    Incidentally, a dozen years ago, I married myself–had a little ceremony and made vows and such, and I began treating myself the way I want to be adored by a partner, and four months later, a man showed up in my life–he’s now my husband and he loves me just the way you describe. I loved myself FIRST and then he came into my life. Funny how that works, huh? 😉

    • Ande, welcome to my blog!

      Glad you like this exercise – it’s never too late to start it. You can even the bit suggested by Angela above about saying “I love you” whilst looking into your eyes.

      What a wonderful idea to “marry” yourself! I am not at all surprised that you quickly attracted your husband-to-be who simply adores and loves you.

      Love yourself first – and everything else sorts itself out. Not rocket science is it?!

      Ande, I wish you all success and ever-lasting love in your marriage:-)

  9. Hi Arvind,
    A few of my friends spoke about the frustration of always hearing the importance of self- love but not having *how* explained to I ran a series of self-love on my blog. Self-care is often something that typically women put to the side as they fulfill their roles as mom, daughter, wife, assistant to all *grin*..I’ve loved my self but for many years put my own care last. Then I began to focus my energy on being as healthy/whole as possible so that all that I experienced and shared was healthy/whole.
    I also began “dating” my self..about twice a month..I figured I tend to treat others to all that delights them, why not treat my self in the same fashion? A day for me, with me..
    As for ideas, thoughts, self talk..I am with my self 24/7 so I figure it best to Know my self, to treat my self with the same kindness and compassion as others. I tend to be far more critical of my self while I am most accepting and encouraging of others.
    Here is a link to a healing method you may be familiar with: using the words: I love you, I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you..amazing process!

    • Joy, good to see you here again.

      It’s so true that not many people understand the true meaning of self-love and self-care.

      As you have said, one can start by focussing on being as whole and healthy as possible and only taking part in positive activities.

      Having a date with yourself sounds fun! And why not?! Treat yourself the way you want to be treated by a date – and you will soon attract the right person to make those dates a reality.

      Thanks for sharing that video – I have used this process myself in the past and it’s truly powerful.

  10. Arvind, your lessons are really good, helpful and shaken the mind and affect in the deeps of the heart. When i saw in my eyes in the mirror,i felt that i am not the same person that i look in the mirror. I felt myself an entirely different person. Through my eyes i found my self very near to my heart.perhaps it was my real picture. I went in the deed and deep and away from me, in a new world, very beautiful and not easy to explain. What was that ?

    • Sushma, welcome to my blog and thanks for sharing your experience about looking at your eyes in the mirror. This is exactly what I was hoping people would experience.

      You have experienced your true self and you have felt and seen love in all its beautiful glory.

      Maybe you don’t even need to explain it – just bask it:-)

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