Love Yourself Without Becoming Full of Yourself

Don't be as proud as a peacock!

Do you know how to truly love yourself?

Or are you so engrossed in yourself to the point of being vain and arrogant?

There is this phrase – proud as a peacock, which is used to refer to someone who is excessively proud and full of themselves. Are you a peacock?!

This is the third of my series of 28 relationship articles for the month of February, during which I am taking you through a journey of improving all the relationships in your life.

You can check out the first 2 articles here:-

Day 1 – Become Aware of Your Relationships

Day 2 – Love Yourself First Before Loving Anyone Else

Also, you can read all 28 articles from Feb 2011 which are listed at the bottom of this post.

My previous article about self-love brought up this question of just how much one should love themselves.

The answer is there is no limit.

You should love yourself so much that you could eat yourself!

However, some people do not yet understand this concept of self-love. We are brought up to believe that it’s not good or “nice” to put ourselves before others.

Louise Hay talks about this in her book You Can Heal Yourself, where as a child at parties, she would always let others get the cake first. And of course she would end up with none.

Self love is about putting yourself first – you can consider the needs of others too, but not at your detriment.

And we all do this – I am a classic case and only recently I even had some coaching sessions from Eduard Ezeanu about putting myself first.

In the past, I have so often given my energy and time to others and there has  been a huge imbalance. So no more “Mr Nice Guy!”

So putting yourself first is one aspect about self-love. But what if people go the other way? At what point does self-love become selfish and arrogant?

You have probably met someone like that in the past – someone so full of themselves that you could hardly be in their presence for too long. Someone who believes that the whole world revolves around them – and that they are better and above everyone else.

However, here’s the thing – such people are actually the ones who are really short on self-love. And that’s why they need to have external social indicators and all that peacocking to prove their worth to themselves and others.

An empty man is full of himself.” – Edward Abby

There is this anecdotal story of the time when Gandhi met the King of Great Britain in London and he wore his simple wrap around cloth.

A journalist asked Gandhi, “Mr Gandhi, did you feel under-dressed when you met the King?”

Gandhi replied, “The King was wearing enough clothes for both of us!”

So ask yourself – are you so full of yourself that you have covered yourself with all this external clothing and peacock feathers?

Also, remember that self love is not about being narcissistic!

True self love means being totally comfortable in your skin and not ever wanting external vindication of your being and worth.

True self love means being kind and loving towards yourself no matter what.

It’s all about coming to the realisation that there is nothing wrong with you, and that you are perfect just the way you are.

Here’s a wonderful article about falling in love with yourself from my friend Alex Blackwell‘s blog.

Loving yourself is all about doing the right things for your mind, body and soul. Here are some simple ideas to get you started:-

  • Go for walks in the park. Even better if you can do in the early morning
  • Eat healthy food only – remember you are what you eat.  So eat organic food as much as you can. Cut out junk food completely
  • Drink alcohol in moderation – or none at all
  • Pamper yourself daily and often – gentle massage, bath, whatever you fancy
  • Have friends who energise you. You are who you associate with.
  • De-clutter your life. Whatever you do, don’t buy more stuff!
  • Be very kind to yourself – watch that self talk.
  • Get plenty of rest. Listen to your body and accordingly sleep more or sleep less
  • Cut down on late nights, especially if you are a party animal!
  • Find the work or activities that really make you come alive
  • Reconnect with your inner child – learn to chill out more and be childlike.

I am sure you can think of some more. Learn how to really pamper yourself and to make yourself feel good.

Boost your self-esteem as much as you can – apply daily my 9 powerful ways to boost your self esteem.

An easy way of finding things you truly enjoy is to check in with yourself. Pause and ask yourself if it feels good or not. Your body’s reaction will always be accurate. Let your inner voice be your teacher and guide as you evolve into greater self love.

Daily Exercise for Today

Choose at least one of the activities I suggested above and carry it out for yourself. Enjoy the self pampering.

Then please share in the comments below about how you are being loving to yourself so we can all learn from you. Don’t be shy!

28 Day Relationship Adventure

Postscript – Here are the complete 28 articles in this series from February 2011.

Please do check them all out:-)

1 – Become Aware of Your Relationships

2 – Love Yourself First Before Loving Anyone Else

3 – Love Yourself Without Becoming Full of Yourself

4 – Love is all that Matters

5 – 9 Simple Tips To Create Energising Relationships

6 – Why Decluttering your Friends is Good for You and Them

7 – Stop Bending over Backwards for Other People!

8 – Be Special to Find the Special One

9 – 10 Key Secrets for Becoming Likeable

10 – Don’t Fall in Love – Create Love

11 – Do you Believe in Soulmates?

12 – Open Your Heart and Find the Special One

13 – Create your ideal Valentine’s Day

14 – Make it a Fun Valentine’s Day Everyday!

15 – Make Your Relationship Even More Special

16 – Learn to Love Unconditionally

17 – 11 Keys to Improve ALL Your Relationships

18 – Why the Human Touch is Key

19 – How NOT to Make Friends!

20 – Share Your Love with Your Loved Ones Everyday

21 – Stop Judging, Start Loving

22 – Simple Trick to Instantly Improve All Your Relationships

23 – Why No One Is Ever An Ugly Duckling!

24 – Why World Compassion Begins With You

25 – Why Teamwork Always Begins with YOU

26 – How to Let People Go From Your Life

27 – Thank the Divine Every Day

28 – Stop Being An Approval Seeking Machine

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Every Retweet and Facebook share helps me grow my blog. I look forward to seeing you here again soon. Thank you for reading! – Arvind

Image courtesy of Dan Taylor

Comments

  1. Bushra winter says:

    The cool thing is that even the Peacock has has ugly feet to keep him from getting too big headed 🙂 Nature is soo perfect in it’s imperfection 🙂

  2. Hmm… I used to not love myself in the past. I’d focus on the mistakes I did in the past, and that regret would literally make me sick. I’m gonna try chilling out, and acting more child-like. It’s actually something I’ve been doing for the past week, and it feels good! When I used to do something, I would think about what others would think when I do it. Now I just do it! Example: When I’m leaving work, I would do so “quietly”, as if I didn’t want anyone to see I was clock-watching. Now, I’ll be typing in my computer, then all of a sudden, when I want to leave, I’ll get up, put on my coat, and walk out. No thinking involved.

  3. Stunning picture of the peacock.

    If we don’t love ourselves, then no-one will; love begins with us. These are some excellent ways to help us look after ourselves, and give ourselves the respect that we deserve.

    I’ve seen overweight people drive gleaming sports cars; surely something is wrong there?

    • Stuart, glad you like the peacock picture. Took me a while to find it on Flickr.

      Indeed love begins with us – and we can do umpteen things every day to love ourselves.

      As for overweight people driving gleaming sports cars, that’s just what it is – nothing right, nothing wrong!

  4. Hi Arvind,

    First of all, I’m really enjoying this series – looking forward to reading all the upcoming posts.

    Regarding doing things for your own mind, body and soul, here are a few more I try to do everyday:
    – Exercise
    – Take a few minutes to write or read
    – Watch a “guilty pleasure” movie
    – Wear your favorite, most comfortable clothes
    – Eat at your favorite restaurant

    Alex

  5. Dear Arvind,

    I think this is such an important topic because it is the very foundation from which all else flows.

    I often hear someone say, “Take care of and love yourself or you have nothing to give others” and I’d like to remove the last part about others. To me, that still implies the only reason we’re allowed to take care of and love ourselves is in relation to others.

    How did we get to this place where we equate loving ourselves as something “bad” and “selfish”. I wrote recently about the Dalai Lama being puzzled when a westerner mentioned feeling bad about himself. He asked others in the room if they knew what the person was talking about or had experienced it and was shocked to learn everyone did. In his culture, there wasn’t even the concept of disliking oneself. Imagine!

    I’m so happy you’re addressing this. And becoming more self-caring!

    Love,
    Lauren

    • Dear Lauren,

      Thanks for your input. So often people assume being self-loving equates to becoming pompous, proud and arrogant.

      Or they assume that there will not be enough love for anyone else!

      But as you say, it is nothing to do with others – love yourself purely for loving yourself.

      Great story about the Dalai Lama not even being aware of this concept of feeling bad about yourself! Shocking isn;t it?

      Let’s all embark on a journey of loving ourselves – because we are lovable:-)

      Love and blessings.

      Arvind

  6. Hello Arvind,

    Your articles really inspire me to make my relationships better 🙂

    Thanks for the series…anyways i would read complete 28 articles 🙂

    Savi

  7. Definitely love yourself and be kind to your self,appreciate and celebrate your small and even unnoticeable achievements. i just want to add this point in addition to these.

  8. To take lessons from life it is a must to be a great or in other word an extreme learner. you are nothing without being a learner first and enhance or extent of learning.