Don’t Fall in Love – Create Love Instead!

Have you ever fallen in love?

Or even more exciting, have you ever fallen “head over heels” in love?

If so, then consider yourself lucky! But how long did it last?

I have always been intrigued about the phrases “falling in love” and “falling head over heels” in love.

Does this mean that at the sight of seeing someone for the first time, you literally fell over?! And you fell so badly that your head got tangled up with your heels?!

There are even countless songs about “falling” in love and many a Hollywood and Bollywood movie is based on falling in love, unrequited love and love conquering all.

The underlying theme is often one where a man has “fallen in love” with a woman, and then he goes through many herculean challenges to win her heart.

This is Day 10 of my 28 day relationships adventure in February (2011). You can read the previous 9 articles here:-

Day 1 – Become Aware of Your Relationships
Day 2 – Love Yourself First Before Loving Anyone Else
Day 3 – Love Yourself Without Becoming Full of Yourself
Day 4 – Love is all that Matters
Day 5 – 9 Simple Tips To Create Energising Relationships
Day 6 – Why Decluttering your Friends is Good for You and Them
Day 7 – Stop Bending over Backwards for Other People!
Day 8 – Be Special to Find the Special One
Day 9 – 10 Key Secrets for Becoming Likeable

You can read all 28 articles from February 2011, which are listed at the bottom of this post.

Today we’ll look at some simple ways of creating more love in your life.

The scenario I mentioned above of the man going through whatever tribulations and challenges necessary to win her over certainly appeals to my romantic side. And I can’t be the only one, judging by the popularity of love songs and sales of romantic novels.

Perhaps most people have a notion of one day falling in love with a man /woman who proves to be their soul mate and they then ride off into the sunset. Or in my case, at least look at the sun going down over the smog of London:-)

That also raises the question of just what we mean by a soul mate. And this is something I’ll cover in a future article in this series.

The key question is just how can one “fall” into love?

Even more importantly, what is the difference between falling in love and creating love?

In this series, on day 8 I wrote about being special to find the special one and how you must first have a wonderful life for yourself and also create space for the special one in your life.

So what happens when you do meet THE one?!

Firstly let’s get clear about what falling in love really means.

It is the initial oomph and excitement when you are attracted to the other person.

If it is mutual, then you can soon get hooked up in a relationship. That’s when the real challenge of creating a great relationship begins.

“Coming together is a beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is success.”- Henry Ford ­­­­­

Falling in Love is Really Different from Actually Loving Someone

Falling in love is the initial excitement and rush of hormones when you meet someone and you are physically attracted to them. You feel great just thinking about them and you want to spend every moment with them. You literally feel flushed and your knees go weak.

Once this initial euphoria wears off, there is every chance that true love can grow and you can have a deep fulfilling relationship with that person.

However so often when you think you have fallen in love with someone, that person may just not be right for you!

You may even know this in your head, but your heart has now taken over and by god it feels so good!

Sometimes with time, once a relationship has ended, you may even wonder what you saw in that person that you had fallen for. What seemed their charm and their quirkiness may now be nothing more than a big irritation. Their confident nature may now just be aloofness and self-centredness. You get the point.

Don’t get me wrong – falling in love can give you a lot of zest and literally put a spring in your step.

happy couple in love

So what’s the alternative?

The alternative to irrationally falling in love is to intentionally create love in your life with your chosen partner.

So assuming that you have already done all you can to make yourself special, here is what you can do to create love and make a new relationship ultra-special:-

1. Be Kind

Be kind and considerate to him/her at all times. After all, you are building a life together.

Kindness should show up in the little things you do for each other and not just the big things.

2. Listen to Them

Empathise and really listen to their words and the feelings behind them. Empathise and sympathise as appropriate.

Listen out also for what is not being said.

3. Create a Shared Vision

Create a vision together for the type of life you want to be living, both now and in the future.

Ideally you will have similar values so a shared vision will become your guiding post.

4. Share their Hopes and Aspirations

At the same time, support your partner in pursuing and fulfilling their own desires and dreams.

5. Expect the Best for Them and from Them

Always do the best you can for them. At the same time, expect them to be their best and to show up as they wish in the world.

6. Be Understanding and Forgiving

Never hold grudges against your partner and never go to sleep with an unresolved argument. Be willing to forgive, forget and let go.

7. Make Time for Each Other

You must spend quality time together, doing things you both enjoy or even doing nothing.

Even if it is simply a walk in nature, it will do wonders for your bonding.

8. Give Them Space

At the same time, give them space and time to pursue their own hobbies and leisure activities. It will make both your lives richer and more interesting.

9. Accept Their Friends

Accept and understand their friends, even though at times you may wonder what your loved one sees in them! They are a part of his/her previous life and they have shared histories.

10. Have the Occasional Flare-Up!

It may sound a bit strange that you should have the occasional disagreement and fallout, but it is okay to have differing viewpoints, as long as this is over minor points.

If you disagree about major points, then you may just want to review the viability of your relationship.

Falling in love with someone isn’t always going to be easy… Anger… tears… laughter.. It’s when you want to be together despite it all. That’s when you truly love another. I’m sure of it. – Anonymous

11. Cook and Eat Together

Preparing, cooking and eating together is possibly the ultimate secret of creating love and allowing it to grow.

This is my favourite activity with a friend or partner. Try it today!

12. Laugh a Lot Together

Finally, one of the most important keys to creating love is to laugh a lot together. So take every opportunity to have fun together and laugh till your sides hurt!

13. Be Tender and Tactile

Finally, a key point – remember to be tender and tactile towards your partner.

A tender touch, not a sexual touch but an ordinary “every day” touch can really take your relationship and love to a new level. It will give a lot of good feelings to both of you.

Human touch is one of the most important things we can give another human being and various studies have shown that babies and young children when handled lovingly from birth grow up much happier than ones deprived of human touch (such as in orphanages).

Let us all spread more tenderness and loving touch from now onwards:-)

Go and Create Love!

So there you are, don’t just fall in love. Go out and create love.

You may just find that you fall in love anyway 🙂

jump for joy!

Daily Exercise for Today

If you are in a relationship, then plan something special over the next 2 days to do together. Go through the above tips and check that you are already doing these things.

If you are single, then you can practice having some laughter together with a friend.

Then please share below how you found this experience.

And if you haven’t already done so, do check out the previous 9 articles in this series below:-)

28 Day Relationship Adventure

Postscript – Here are the complete 28 articles in this series from February 2011.

Please do check them all out:-)

1 – Become Aware of Your Relationships

2 – Love Yourself First Before Loving Anyone Else

3 – Love Yourself Without Becoming Full of Yourself

4 – Love is all that Matters

5 – 9 Simple Tips To Create Energising Relationships

6 – Why Decluttering your Friends is Good for You and Them

7 – Stop Bending over Backwards for Other People!

8 – Be Special to Find the Special One

9 – 10 Key Secrets for Becoming Likeable

10 – Don’t Fall in Love – Create Love

11 – Do you Believe in Soulmates?

12 – Open Your Heart and Find the Special One

13 – Create your ideal Valentine’s Day

14 – Make it a Fun Valentine’s Day Everyday!

15 – Make Your Relationship Even More Special

16 – Learn to Love Unconditionally

17 – 11 Keys to Improve ALL Your Relationships

18 – Why the Human Touch is Key

19 – How NOT to Make Friends!

20 – Share Your Love with Your Loved Ones Everyday

21 – Stop Judging, Start Loving

22 – Simple Trick to Instantly Improve All Your Relationships

23 – Why No One Is Ever An Ugly Duckling!

24 – Why World Compassion Begins With You

25 – Why Teamwork Always Begins with YOU

26 – How to Let People Go From Your Life

27 – Thank the Divine Every Day

28 – Stop Being An Approval Seeking Machine

9 Smart Ways to FOCUS in the Age of Distraction

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  1. Love is that magical word that signifies so much in life, whether it’s love for another person, love for a hobby, love for an activity, or many more alternatives. There’s so much power in love.

    That said, it doesn’t surprise me when I see the amount of advertising that goes into love; millions are made using the concept of love, and millions more will continue to be made. Love rules all, it seems.

    And that’s a good thing. As you say Arvind, falling in love (unintentional love) is one thing, but creating love is something that requires effort and dedication. It’s conscious love, that needs more but can yield amazing results over time.

    And to answer your question Arvind, I’m taking my girlfriend to Paris on Monday. I think that’s pretty special 😉

    • Stuart, I love it! Your latest blog post is about leaving exceptional blog comments – and you have done exactly that:-)

      There is so much power in love – and yet we underestimate it’s power.

      I read somewhere Einstein said that whilst we are clamouring to unveil the secrets of gravity, light, matter etc, we yet barely understand the greatest power of them all – love.

      As you say, love rules – we can create Valentine’s Day every day rather than just on 14th Feb.

      Creating love takes conscious effort and dedication – and it can take your whole life to a new level.

      Stuart, thanks for your insights – and enjoy Paris,

  2. fiona mccudden says

    Great post Arvind, I think long and lasting relationships are seldom the ones we fall head over heels at first sight. Moreover the person becomes more pleasing to our eyes as we get to know the person. Attraction is important, but I think true love usually strikes in a moment when we suddenly look at this person with new eyes and in that moment fall in love.

    • Fiona, it’s true that long and lasting relationships are seldom the ones we fall head over heels at first sight.

      However the romantic in me still craves for that moment when I fall in love with someone at first sight!

      Watch this space…:-)

  3. John Sherry says

    Love is a many splendoured thing. But it’s also easy to fall in love rather than be in love and stay in love. Love is a continual sharing and giving experience where two halves make a whole caring relationship. Love can’t be done alone so be the person to another you would want them to be to you. After all they are your other half aren’t they? Another super post Arvind full of encouragement and insight.

    • Thanks John for sharing that old pearl of wisdom – love is a many splendoured thing.

      And yes, it’s up to us to love others the way we want to be loved. If you see them as your true other half, then why would you not want to treat them in the best way possible?

      You always get back what you give out.

  4. Arvind, what a wonderful way to say that love is what we make it to be! I am especially happy to see the statement that it is ok to have the occasional flare-up. Disagreements are wonderful opportunities for both partners to learn and grow mentally, spiritually and even physically.

    • Ajen, welcome to my blog – and thanks for your kind feedback.

      Of course it’s okay to have the occassional flare-up. The making up bit is the fun part:-)

      And as you say, disagreements are wonderful opportunities for growth. But all within reason. If you continue to have disagreements, then perhaps it’s time to revisit yuor relationship.

  5. Hi Arvind ,

    this is EXACTLY what I needed to know. 🙂 Million thanks for the same. 🙂

  6. I am doing most of the mentioned things in your post.
    Thanks for writing it 🙂

    Love is the only thing that keep us together 🙂
    We laugh together, smile a lot and have all the time fun. I make him special whenever i meet him. One of my hobby is to love him like never before 🙂
    I give him very personal and creative gifts because i just love to do that…my last gift was the certificate from my side that he is the perfect boyfriend 🙂 he liked it so much that he pasted that on our walls. And my next gift is the wallet.

    Anyways i will keep on talking about our relation…


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