Stop Being an Approval Seeking Machine!

Are YOU an approval seeking machine?

Do you go through life forever seeking love, appreciation and approval from others?

Well, if so then welcome to the human race. We all seem to be genetically programmed to seek from others what we feel we don’t have within ourselves.

Today is the 28th and last day of our relationships adventure, which began on 1st February. You can read the previous 27 articles via the links at the bottom of this article.

How have your relationships improved over the last month?

My idea was to go through all the key aspects of our relationships and share my ideas and tips to improve all the relationships in your life.

Life is meant to be an adventure and so are our relationships. And that’s the approach I wanted to adopt for this month.

I wanted to show you how all your interactions with other people can be light, fun and joyous. And I hope that you are doing just that.

If not, then you know where to find 28 great relationship articles:-)

Remember always that the key to great relationships is this – nurture the roots of your relationships and one day you can enjoy the fruits of your efforts.

My intention was that within these 28 days, all of you will have significantly improved your relationships. You should now have a lightness about you, and you approach all interactions with the people in your life in a different way.

All good things come to an end and I have enjoyed my adventure of writing these articles over the last four weeks. Indeed some of my own relationships have been transformed – and others are a work in progress.

This relationship adventure has been very popular with readers – and there is a suggestion that I should convert these 28 articles into an ebook. Watch this space:-)

For today’s article, as well as discussing our need for approval from others,  I would like to share with you some other key relationship articles, both from my own blog and also from other bloggers.

Let’s start with the importance of not seeking approval from others all the time.

Spare yourself from seeking love, approval, or appreciation—from anyone. And watch what happens in reality, just for fun.Byron Katie

So much of our life energy is spent on getting approval from others. Most of us are simply approval seeking machines!

Imagine what your relationships would be like if you didn’t constantly seek love, approval or appreciation from anyone!

If you pause and reflect on this, you will realise that almost everything you do is to seek love and acceptance from others. But the moment you cease to do so, you are free.

You suddenly get a boost of energy and you are no longer held back by the fear of what others think.

At the same time, it’s okay to appreciate others for what they are and what they do.

Just don’t base your entire life on what others think of you.

For today, just try this. Say or do what you want because you want to do so and not because you want something from someone.

See how much easier your life becomes once you stop being an approval seeking machine!

Know that you are already enough.

Now to round up our relationship journey, I would like to send you away with some more key and really useful relationship articles from my blog.

I suggest that you bookmark these articles and also the 27 other posts from our relationship adventure – you will want to refer to them again and again.

These articles are some of the best and most poignant I have ever written and I invite you to read through them all in your own time – but make sure you do so soon:-

  1. How to Stop Being a Drama Queen and Become Happy Instead
  2. How to be Annoyingly Positive and Still Keep your Boring Friends!
  3. 2 Empowering Words We All Like to Hear Again and Again
  4. How to Embrace Loneliness and Blossom
  5. Why You Are So Insignificant You Might As Well be Dead!
  6. Why you Should Always Look for the Talent in Others
  7. Honour and Love Your Mother Every Day, Not Just on Mother’s Day
  8. Honour and Love Your Father Every Day, Not Just on Father’s Day
  9. 10 Ways to Deal with Really Difficult People without Becoming One Yourself
  10. 10 Ways to Turn a Boring Relationship into a Party of Love
  11. Why Getting Your Blog Hacked Is Not the End of the World
  12. How To Embrace Loneliness and Blossom
  13. How to Live with Acceptance and Friendship Every Day
  14. Become Human, Take a Bus Journey
  15. Lessons in Life from 87 Year Old Man who Gatecrashed our Family Wedding

To end I would like to leave you with these powerful words from Dr Bernie Seagal.

“Love has all the advantages of amnesia”

No matter what happens to you and your relationships from here on, love is the most powerful thing. And love is always forgiving, eternal and ever-powerful.

Love is all that matters

Go forth gently on your life journey with a heart full of love for yourself and others.

And never, ever seek approval from anyone!

become a swan of love!

Here’s the Daily Exercise for Today:-

Today’s exercise is for you to become aware of just how much of your time and energy is tied up with looking for approval, appreciation and love from others.

For the next 24 hours, check in on yourself when you are about to do or say something.

Ask yourself – what am I really trying to do here? Where am I seeking something from others? How can I do this from a space of my own power?

Enjoy being your own person!

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Postscript – Here are the complete 28 articles in this series for Feb 2011.

Please do check them all out:-)

1 – Become Aware of Your Relationships

2 – Love Yourself First Before Loving Anyone Else

3 – Love Yourself Without Becoming Full of Yourself

4 – Love is all that matters

5 – 9 Simple Tips To Create Energising Relationships

6 – Why Decluttering your Friends is Good for You and Them

7 – Stop Bending over Backwards for Other People!

8 – Be Special to Find the Special One

9 – 10 Key Secrets for Becoming Likeable

10 – Don’t Fall in Love – Create Love

11 – Do you Believe in Soulmates?

12 – Open Your Heart and Find the Special One

13 – Create your ideal Valentine’s Day

14 – Make it a Fun Valentine’s Day Everyday!

15 – Make Your Relationship Even More Special

16 – Learn to Love Unconditionally

17 – 11 Keys to Improve ALL Your Relationships

18 – Why the Human Touch is Key

19 – How NOT to Make Friends!

20 – Share Your Love with Your Loved Ones Everyday

21 – Stop Judging, Start Loving

22 – Simple Trick to Instantly Improve All Your Relationships

23 – Why No One Is Ever An Ugly Duckling!

24 – Why World Compassion Begins With You

25 – Why Teamwork Always Begins with YOU

26 – How to Let People Go From Your Life

27 – Thank the Divine Every Day

28 – Stop Being An Approval Seeking Machine

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Every Retweet and Facebook share helps me grow my blog. I look forward to seeing you here again soon. Thank you for reading! – Arvind

Images courtesy of maveric2003 and Kjunstorm

Comments

  1. Arvind,
    You did a great job with the 28 day relationship adventure! An ebook or at least a link to all articles – for sure! This is the kind of stuff that should be taught in schools!
    I think you saved one of the best pieces of advice for last – stop being an approval seeking machine. Do you think the ability to do that is a hallmark of maturity? I think it’s something you need to grow into, not sure!
    Wonderful work!
    Lori

    • Lori, thanks for your kind words and for your encouragement!

      You are so right – this is the kind of stuff that should be taught in schools. Maybe I have just found my niche:-)

      As for leaving one of the best pieces to the last, it just happened. Yeterday at noon I was reflecting on how best to conclude the series – and then out of the ether, it just came.

      I do believe learning to stop seeking approval is something we grow into. Though some people do it quickly, most people struggle for years – and then one day they get it.

      Thanks again for all your support and kind words.

    • Jaky Astik says:

      I agree with Lori. eBook to honi hi chahea!

  2. Arvind: Great post and series on relationships. I thought this post and the topic of the series was a really great one and I do think when we focus on our relationships and putting good energy into them, they can’t help but improve. I especially appreciated your message at the end … it really is all about love 🙂

    • Sibyl, I am so glad you liked the series.

      It’s not rocket science – put good energy into your relationships and they are certain to improve.

      Ultimately, at the end of the day, as we have both summed up – it really is all about love:-)

  3. Arvind,

    From the bottom of my heart, thank you for giving us this series. Your commitment and passion shine through on every post.

    With all the turmoil happening in the world now, you stand out as a light of hope. Thanks for sharing your love – and you!

    Alex

  4. Abubakar Jamil says:

    Dear Arvind,

    I’m honored to be featured in this wonderful post of yours about relationships.

    I have been following your posts on relationships and enjoyed every single one of them. Great job, indeed.

    Thank you so much for linking to my post.

  5. As Abubakar said, Arvind, I am honored to be featured here too. Although I still consider myself a baby when it comes to friendships and maybe a toddler when it comes to adult relationships but I was definitely far worse off in my younger days. Now I know better. And I am so happy to see you put focus and energy into this, thank you!!!

  6. ***Standing Ovation*** This series has been a love fest of the best in love and loving Arvind culminating in encouraging us to live with a head up and strong heart today. A marvellous month full of inner heart treatment designed to help us care, share, and spread the love. I thank you for opening and giving some of yours to all of us. May love find, enrich, and stay with you in the days and years to come.

  7. Arvind, you’ve done exceptionally well with these articles, I tip my hat to you sir!

    It took courage and inspiration to do this for a whole month, but you pulled it off, and I respect your valiant efforts 🙂

  8. fiona mccudden says:

    Arvind,

    As always you have not dissappointed with this wonderful series. A true accomplishment in guiding all those who wish to have rich and meaningful relationships in their life. Congratulations and thank you.

    I especially like your words “So much of our life energy is spent on getting approval from others. Most of us are simply approval seeking machines!

    So true. It starts in the cradle when a baby learns that a smile will bring it attention and crying will bring it food. As the human being becomes more complex, so also the behaviours. Our challenge is to recognise these in ourselves and others and act with kindness and compassion. Well done and thank you!

    • Fiona, thanks for all your support and encouragement with this series.

      So much of our energy is indeed taken up with seeking approval from others. Everyone – stop it!

      Time to live our lives with more energy and the freedom to be who we are and do what we wish with our lives:-)

  9. Everything starts with the buzzword ‘self’ either it is control, appreciation, attention, learning etc. first of all accept and approve yourself then expect from others.