We say people matter most. But would someone looking at our diary believe us?

I have been sitting with that question. It feels particularly awkward for someone who writes a newsletter called The Connection Revolution.

I can spend time thinking about connection, writing about it and encouraging others to make room for it. None of that automatically means I have picked up the phone or arranged to see someone.

A beautifully written paragraph about friendship is still no substitute for being a friend.

Recently, a memory from more than twenty years ago reminded me of what can happen when we make the effort to show up.

A fifteen-minute walk. Twenty years of friendship.

In December 2005, a few weeks after publishing my book Get the Life You Love, I took some copies along to an Ecademy gathering at the London Marriott Hotel in Marylebone.

The hotel was just off Edgware Road, about fifteen minutes’ walk from my home. I sold a few books and made lots of connections.

One of the people I met that day was Nicky Pattinson. We have been friends ever since.

I couldn’t have known, walking into that gathering with my newly published book, that I would meet someone who would still be part of my life more than twenty years later.

That memory came back when I read a post by Penny Power, who founded Ecademy with her husband, Thomas. I was one of their early members, and her reflections reminded me of people getting to know one another online and then meeting in person.

I miss that personal connection. And I wonder how much room we are making for it now.

We can reach thousands of people without leaving the sofa. But when did we last get up from that sofa to see someone we keep saying we must catch up with?

I ask that with affection, and with a finger pointing back at myself.

Being in touch isn’t always the same as feeling connected

Perhaps you recognise this.

You care deeply about someone, but another week passes. You see their updates, perhaps leave a comment, and feel you have been in touch.

You know where they went on holiday or what they had for lunch. You may have no idea what is worrying them, what they are excited about or what they wish they could tell someone.

Meanwhile, the conversation you both might need never happens.

Online exchanges can be meaningful. A thoughtful message can arrive at exactly the right moment, and technology allows us to maintain friendships across enormous distances.

But there is a difference between noticing someone’s update and giving them your attention.

Sometimes, we need to make the call, ask another question or arrange to meet. We need to allow enough time for the conversation to move beyond “How are you?” and “Fine, thanks.”

That takes a little more effort. It also gives connection a chance to deepen.

What are we saving all this time for?

I use AI, and I appreciate what it helps me do. Technology allows me to share my work and connect with people I might otherwise never meet.

But if these tools are saving us time, I want us to be more ambitious about what that time is for.

An unhurried lunch. An evening when the people we love have our full attention. Space to have a conversation without mentally preparing to leave it.

Instead, it is terribly easy to decide that the reward for getting through our work faster is… more work.

What a peculiar bargain to make with ourselves.

I have ambitions. There is work I want to do and an impact I want to make. I also want love, friendship, laughter and the freedom to enjoy the life I am working so hard to create.

Those things need an actual place in the week. They cannot forever be what we get round to once everything else is finished.

If greater efficiency leaves us with less patience for one another, we need to question what we are becoming more efficient at.

The future is taking shape in our everyday decisions

My coach recently encouraged me to think about the Connection Revolution in a wider context: how we stay grounded in who we want to be while taking responsibility for the changes we help create.

That question belongs in the boardroom as much as around the kitchen table.

The choices we make about our own time also shape what we expect from others. If we treat every spare moment as an opportunity to get more done, that can become the expectation in our teams, our businesses and even our families.

If you lead people, greater efficiency could give your team more room to think, learn and support one another. It could also become a reason to keep increasing the pressure.

A business can offer six ways to get in touch and still leave a distressed customer unable to find a person who will listen.

We should be willing to challenge that. Calling something progress does not put it beyond question.

The future is being shaped by what we build, reward and accept—including what we accept from ourselves.

That gives each of us some responsibility, and some power.

We can protect time for conversation at work. We can notice whose voice is missing when a decision gets made. We can make it easier for someone to admit they are struggling, without immediately treating their difficulty as a problem to hurry past.

At home, we can put the phone down and give the person beside us a chance to finish their story.

These choices may seem small. They help establish what the people around us can expect from us.

You can’t outsource being human

Friendship can be inconvenient.

Someone you love may need you when your diary is full. A proper conversation may take longer than you hoped and lead somewhere you hadn’t intended. Asking for help may mean admitting that you cannot manage everything yourself.

That is part of allowing people to matter.

We cannot expect deep relationships to develop if we only give them whatever time and attention we have left over.

For me, the Connection Revolution means putting that belief into practice. Making the invitation. Being willing to listen. Allowing someone to contribute to our lives as well as looking for ways to contribute to theirs.

It also means creating opportunities for people to meet.

So, shall we have dinner?

On Thursday 22 October 2026, I’m hosting my next Interesting People Dinner in central London, and I’d love you to join us.

We’ll share a meal, get to know people we might otherwise never meet and give conversation time to unfold.

You don’t need a polished introduction or an impressive job title. Come with your curiosity, your stories and a willingness to discover something about the person beside you.

Perhaps you’ll hear a perspective that challenges your own. Perhaps you’ll find yourself laughing with someone who was a stranger an hour earlier.

Perhaps a friendship will begin.

Find out more about Interesting People Dinners →

You can also email me to register your interest. The venue, time and price will be shared before you decide whether to book.

If London is too far away, invite a few people around your own table. You might ask each of them to bring someone the others haven’t met. It doesn’t need to be an elaborate occasion; give yourselves somewhere to sit, something to share and time to talk.

Back in December 2005, a fifteen-minute walk led to a friendship that has lasted more than twenty years.

There are people you have yet to meet who could become a beautiful part of your life.

Let’s leave room for them.

If the future were shaped by how you spent your time and attention this week, would you want to live there?

I’d love to hear what that question brings up for you. Send me an email – perhaps this can be the beginning of a proper conversation.