Have you ever been around someone who is maddeningly positive and full of life and zest?
Did they annoy you so much you wanted to just stamp on them?
Or maybe YOU are one of these highly positive people with boundless energy and zest for life?!
Well, if you are, then many congratulations!
There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a positive and effervescent outlook on life.
(by the way, I really like the words “effervescent” and “effervescence” – they evoke colourful images of energy and gas bubbling out of a huge bowl – and honest, I am not on any drugs, just high on life).
If you are such a positive bubbly person, have you noticed how it is the norm for people around you to be “realistic” and always look on the downside of everything?
You tell them it is nice and sunny and they say, yes but it will probably rain later.
You tell them it was a great meal and they complain about the dessert.
You get my point.
My friend Amit Sodha has even come up with his own unique quick guide to dealing with negative people.
At the same time, being so positive, are you in danger of losing all your “boring” friends?!
I have gradually come to the conclusion that sometimes you simply have to let negative people be. I used to try so much to get them to see things differently, but now learnt that it’s a waste of time and energy to try and make others around you see a more positive outlook.
The worst thing you can do is to let your positivity and optimism be dashed by negative, draining people.
I would say that the challenge for positive people is two fold:-
1. How to maintain that positive outlook on life.
2. How to spread their positivity and effervescence – and still keep their friends.
(I told you I liked that word effervescence)
Though it is key to remain upbeat and positive, you have to be realistic about what is and what’s not possible for your friends and their outlook.
Expect the best from life and you will invariably get it.
Expect the worst and you will not be disappointed!
The last statement above is actually what some people live their lives by – they have low expectations so as not to be disappointed – meaning that they never even get around to raising their expectations.
To me that seems like a rather sad way of approaching life. At the same time, everyone has a different life journey – I accept they have to go through and I do not wish to take away anyone from their desired learnings and chosen life.
However there is so much one can do, so as to escape from this dark pool of negativity, if they wish to do so.
Your life may not be going great right now, but by adopting a positive approach and working on your life, things will improve.
As for people who are already relatively positive and have a zest for life, how do you continue to do so without annoying your “boring” friends?
Here are some ideas for maintaining your positivity and still hanging on to some of your not so positive friends at the same time:-
1. Accept and Embrace Your Positivity
As I said, there is nothing wrong with being positive and happy. Just keep it up and enjoy it.
At the same time, appreciate that everyone is in a different space, so if you are around someone very negative, curb your enthusiasm a little bit, without losing your grounding.
Learn to gauge where the people around you are at and tone down a little if necessary.
2. Empathise with Your Friends
When you are with your not so positive friends, understand and accept where they are coming from and what’s behind their outlook. You don’t have to agree with what they say – just try and relate to them.
Hear what they have to say and humour them if necessary.
3. Reframe Their Arguments if Necessary
Some people do change their outlook quickly and you can help them by reframing their arguments about how things are the way they are.
Get them to see an alternate viewpoint and you may just life their spirits.
4. Let Others Be As They Wish to Be.
At the same time, some people are just not ready to change and adopt a new outlook – and nor is it your responsibility to do so.
Instead focus on yourself and let them be.
5. Do Not Buy into Their Story
Most negative people have a story about why life is treating them so badly and how things will never get better.
Do not buy into their story. You stick to your own story – and also look for some key learnings from what they say – you can learn a lot by reflecting on how people are the way they are.
6. Be Generous and Share Your Resources.
For some people, their negativity is a call for help and if so, you can offer to help them by sharing your expertise. resources and contacts, but do not make them dependent on you.
Do keep your boundaries and do not become a door mat for others to dump on.
7. Disassociate and Ultimately Let Go as a Last Resort
Ultimately, if you find that a person is simply too draining on your energy, then you have to be kind to yourself and let that friendship go. It may sound cruel but at the end of the day, you have to think about your own well-being.
Just because you are a compassionate and loving being doesn’t mean that you have to be a friend to the whole world!
The Way Forward
I challenge you to spread your optimism and zest for life, and infect the whole world!
In summary, it is good to be positive, high-spirited and with a zest for living life to the full.
At the same time, remain grounded and base your optimism with an underlying reality check – and most importantly continue to be effervesent:-)
Remember – your positivity and bubbly nature should not be annoying but rather it should always be endearingly infectious.
That way at least you will still have some friends!
And they too will eventually be just as positive and full of life as you.
Top photo courtesy of Elvire.R.
Excellent post Arvind and great tips. That last point is often a very difficult decision to make and sometimes very necessary. Most people don’t accept the possibility that letting go of that relationship is sometimes saying to the self that I’m letting go of that which I see within me.
Thanks for the link back!
When the names Amit and and Arvind find their way in the same blog post thats when you consciously realize that they are not the same person. Great to meet you people.
Thanks Christopher!
Amit’s path and mine keeps crossing. We first met in London at a Chinese restauratnt through my sister and then reconnected again 6 years later through the blogosphere.
Though we have become good friends, we only met again in person yesterday after 3 years, in a place called Coventry which is 100 miles from London!
So through the power of blogging we have become great buddies even though we have only ever met 3 times. And now later today we are off to play badminton.
Isn’t it wonderful how friendships and connections can pan out.
That was such an effervescent post Arvind! I think that your trip to India has made you even more energetic and optimistic than before! (By the way, I think I’ll make “effervescent” my word of the day ;-))
I know that it is hard to deal with negative around you. If it is just a friend or a colleague then you can really let this friendship go over time if their negativity is draining you. It is much more difficult when this negative person is your close relative and you have to find your way around him/her. My grandmother can be that way sometimes and … it can be really difficult to be around her.
I have learned to change the subject real fast when I feel that she is going to crash my positive mood or just block her words from my mind. Kind of when you are listening to the radio but you are really not paying attention to what is going on. I usually do not treat people this way but sometimes my sanity and positive outlook requires strong measures like this.
Have a great day Arvind and I am glad that you are back from your trip!
Thanks Anastasiya for your effervescent words! India has changed me somehow – I am sur emuch more to bubble up from within me over the coming months.
You make a great point about not easily being to let go of our draining family members.
Yes, changing the topis often works but have you noticed how some “negative” people insist of holding fort and telling their story for the umpteenth time until they think you have heard it – and then still continue to beat the same tune?!
At the end of the day, one day you have to be cruel to be kind – and just let know (kindly) what they are doing to you.
And maybe the lesson we all have to learn is to get to a point when nothing outside of us affects our own internal serenity and positive outlook.
Anastasoya, maybe that can be a future post for both of us…:-)
Great article Arvind, one questions though, if a relative was doing this to you, should you let them go too? It’s easier to free yourself from friends, but what about family members?
Sheetal, they say that you can choose your friends but not your relatives.
If you have negative relatives, I would suggest spend less time with them, humour them, don’t get involved in their story and if it really gets intolerable, then distance them.
At the same time, our families and relatives are sometimes the ones who push our buttons the most since they know us well and are integrated into our lives. Maybe sometimes there may be a reason to look into yourself to see just what is behind any issues.
Arvind,
Brilliant, I almost confused your name with Amit Sodha and for a moment thought it was Amit doing a guest post and referring to you (Arvind) in the post 🙂 Thanks to you two and many other bloggers for giving us value.
One of the critical points is to be sincere with our believes and show integrity and as you said let other people be if that is what they want. That way we will always remain in the minds of even our worst critics and the most cynical people.
Thank you.
Christopher, this is Arvind replying 🙂
You bring up a great point about being in integrity and being sincere in our relationships with other people.
People often only want acceptance from us. But at the same time, it doesn’t mean that you become a “friend” to the whole world.
Great article, thank you!
When I started “asking” for relationships with a higher vibration a few years ago, I couldn’t help but worry a bit about one particular girlfriend, J, who I just felt wouldn’t make it to my “new” standards… And you know what? That’s EXACTLY when she met the man of her dreams, and got so unbearably love-struck, that she was more than happy to let me go off to my new adventures! 🙂
Oh, life is so Good! Keep it coming!
Love & Light from France,
: ) Maria
Maria, funny how these things work out.
When you get clear about what you want and what your expectations are from other people, either they change or they leave your life.
Keep up vibrating higher and higher!
Cool post Arvind, thankyou for sharing.
I was in India last week and someone said to me, that i am the smiliest person she has ever met (and ironically it wasn’t meant as a compliment)… of course i just laughed and smiled some more (cos that’s who i am).
Shine on my friend.
Mike 😉
Thanks Mike – thanks for visiting and for your kind words.
Knowing how positive and energetic you are, I can understand others seeing you as being silly, especially in a different culture and land.
I was in Mumbai too just before you, and I guess until you arrived, I was the smiliest person there!
I always have a positive outlook but I am not the “bubbly, jumping up and down in excitement” kind of person. When I noticed a friend being unreasonably upset I will always reframe it – it is a very useful communicative technique and it is a gentle way of showing someone their persistent negativity.
Great words!
Steven, just imagine what the world would be like if we were all “bubbly, jumping up and down in excitement” kind of people!
I do find reframing a great way of helpng people out of their negativity – but at the same time remember that some people are just not ready to do so.
Awesome post. Now I don’t have to justify my reason for just being joyful and positive al the time. Excellent post.
+Baker
Baker, never justify your joyous nature and positivity, even if other people thing you are crazy!
I get that sometimes:-)
Arvind, A good post and comments. Of course, it’s difficult (or nearly impossible) to be around people who are always negative, but sometimes negativity is temporary. Perhaps a person is depressed or grieving or struggling with a hardship, such as the loss of a job. If you don’t know why another person is acting in a negative way, you might be able to help a bit by offering your company or a cup of tea or a walk together outdoors.
Thanks Madeleine, I really enjoyed writing this post and it shows.
Also I have been on both sides of the fence so I completely relate to what it’s like being around someone maddeningly upbeat whilst you are not in a greatspace yourself.
I guess the solution is to find a happy medium ground where you can try and understand what’s going on for someone who is acting in a negative way, without getting yourself down at the same time. Of course you can offer to help with your company, cup of tea, walk in the park, but at the end of the day, it is up to the other person to get through whatever it is they are facing.
Tausend Dank!