I am back writing and in the swing of things once again.
The last 3 weeks have been rather surreal after the tragic death of a very close friend. This was only a week after we had spent the best part of a week together. So the last month has certainly been a life changing period.
Another good friend, Sol Shah, very kindly chatted to me last week and helped me explore my cocktail of mixed emotions. To help me move forward, he asked me just what I could take from this bereavement.
What can anyone learn from the death of a close one?
Firstly, I am aware more than ever before, of just how short and fragile our lives are. One day you are here, and then you are just gone.
I am still finding it hard to accept and believe that my friend is never going to visit my home again – the home that he helped me move into, and where he put up all the pictures and the giant mirror in the lounge. The home where he stayed and slept on the floor so often. Never will we be visiting Richoux together again.
It is such passing moments, short but now special, that one recalls when that person is no longer around. How often have we all missed someone when they are no longer around?
The biggest lesson is to appreciate each moment you share with a loved one.
The other lesson for me has been to make the most of the time and opportunities I have. Neither time lapsed nor these opportunities will ever come back. Life really is too short and you just don’t know what is around the corner.
At the same time, have no regrets about missed opportunities, or words not shared with loved ones. At the time, you were doing the best you could.
Two days before he passed away, my friend even left me a voice message asking me to call him back. Instead of calling him back, I emailed him asking if we could speak after the weekend on the following Monday. Sadly he died on the Sunday, and we never got to speak. If I could turn the clock back, I would call him back right away. But since I can’t, I shall endeavour to live my life the way he would have liked me to do so. I shall not beat myself up for not calling him back as that was the best I could do at the time.
So from now onwards begin to truly appreciate the people in your life – they are all so precious. Indeed it is the people in our life that make life so special.
It’s sad to hear you didn’t respond. For me, I don’t value friendships as much as other people, and see them as alliances more than friends. I find when both people don’t have many goals in align (whether it’s business, love, getting fit, etc) they tend to drift away. People, naturally look after their needs first, and other people second. So if you don’t fit into their “plan”, they just ignore you.
Thanks Henway for your empathy – I still regret not having called my friend all those years ago.
You are right to make the distinction between alliances and friendship – but at the end of the day it’s close friendships that sustain us and enrich our life. Ultimately, it’s common experiences and shared values thar deepen our friendships.