decluttered friends!

Are you surrounded with people who accept you just the way you are?

Do they energise you, or do you feel drained by them? If they drain you, are you tempted to throw them out of your life?

In my last article in this series of 28 relationship articles in February about creating energising friendships, led to some readers asking me about “decluttering” people and friends from their life.

After I stated that one should also let go of certain people, someone asked how loving it was to “clear out” people from our life. They also wondered whether I was being in-congruent here with my declared values and desire to make it a better world.

My point about “decluttering” people from your life is simply this – you are the most important person in your life and you can choose who you want to be in it.

The people in your life can either uplift you or bring you down – and it is up to you whether you still allow them to do so.

That doesn’t mean that you behave in a nasty or unloving manner in any way. On the contrary, you have to be more loving than ever when any friendship comes to an end or when people naturally leave your life.

The less you open your heart to others, the more your heart suffersDeepak Chopra

This is the sixth in my series of 28 relationship articles for the month of February, during which I am taking you through a journey of improving all the relationships in your life.

I am calling it the 28 Day Relationships Adventure (28 DRA)

You can check out the first 5 articles here:-

Day 1 – Become Aware of Your Relationships
Day 2 – Love Yourself First Before Loving Anyone Else
Day 3 – Love Yourself Without Becoming Full of Yourself
Day 4 – Love is all that matters
Day 5 – 9 Simple Tips To Create Energising Relationships

You can read all 28 articles which are listed at the bottom of this post.

People are people and everyone in your life adds a lot of value and colour to it. At the same time, there are people in your life who detract from your joy and zest for life.

You can probably recall that one person who seems to drain you every time you meet him or her. If you have a few such people in your life, then it’s time for you to focus on creating energising friendships.

People come and go from our lives – it is what happens during your time together that will decide whether you become long term friends, just acquaintances or even business partners.

Does Love Really Make the World Go Around?

Maybe love makes the world go around, but it is definitely people that make the ride worthwhile.

However at the end of the day, your time on this planet is limited so why would you not want to spend it with people who really get you, appreciate you and love you for what you are?

With the advent of social media such as Facebook, one can have 1,000s of “friends” if one chooses to do so.

The Best Type of “Friends”

Ideally you want real, solid friends in your life who are genuine, authentic and have your best interests at heart.

Sometimes it really hurts when you feel let down or taken for granted. A few weeks ago I had made a special Indian dessert for a friend who was in the vicinity of my home and had promised to visit me albeit for a short time.

After a number of text messages saying she was running late and would be there soon, she finally sent a message via a mutual friend that she would not be coming after all.

Initially, I felt rather let down but then realised that it was all about me, rather than my friend. I asked myself – what was I doing, or not doing to attract people who would value my company and my time?

The great learning point for me was to start valuing myself and my time even more – this learning helped me to clear up any negativity or feelings of being let down.

Also, a double helping of the special Indian dessert I had made helped too!

indian dessert shikand

It all comes back to being kind and loving towards yourself. There is a phrase “cruel to be kind” which I believe means that sometimes one is being kind in the long term by being mean now.

Cruel to be Kind

There is even a famous song with this title – Cruel to be Kind.

However I prefer to change the phrase to “be kind to be kind”. Ultimately you are being kind to yourself and to the other person, when you are letting them go.

Sometimes you just have to let go and move on – such as when for me a friendship with a particularly draining friend ended. It is not even about saving face or satisfying your ego – it is really about respecting yourself enough to move on.

It all comes down to increasing your own self-esteem so you do not ever let others treat you badly. So be prepared to let go and move on – cut your losses.

At the same time, by letting your friends go from your life you are doing them a favour too. They can then connect with other people who are more appropriate for them for the next phase of their own life journey.

Focus on your own life journey, enjoy the ride and learn for next time

And always remember that you are unique and special – so special that everyone in your life should also recognise that:-)

Daily Exercise for Today

Look through your list of friends – and review if there are any friendships which are now past their sell by date.

Are there any friendships you wish to resurrect? If not, then see how you can let them go in the coming days and weeks.-


Top image courtesy of Elvire.R.

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