Are you single and waiting to find the special person in your life?
If so, just how open is your heart?
I meet so many single people in the course of my life and my work and I often wonder just how open they are to meeting new people and getting into a relationship.
Real love is definitely something to hold out for, but it is also important to keep the flame lit! It will keep you warm, and serve as a beacon to attract the right person.
Also it will give you a chance to learn about just what you want in a relationship.
This is Day 12 of our 28 day relationships adventure in February.
You can read all 28 articles which are listed at the bottom of this post.
Today, if you are single, I want to invite you to go ahead and dare to put your hearts on the line.
Dare to open your heart, and welcome love into your life.
At the same time, you should not feel under any pressure to go out there and “find the one!”
I know how so many single people feel pressurised to go out and do something for Valentine’s Day. Amongst my friends, there are many single people who I know feel this pressure to be with someone.
In London alone, there are an estimated 3 million single people – and that’s a lot of potential dating material!
Speed dating is still the big thing at the moment, and dating agencies are sprouting. Internet dating has also become very popular, though from an insider, apparently not many of them are making any money.
What is your ideal relationship?
Everyone dreams of that ideal relationship – one that is full of love and affection. A relationship with someone that you connect with mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.
We all want to meet our “soul mate!”
If you haven’t already done so, do check my article in this series about soulmates and why you should go out and create a soulmate relationship rather than waiting for your soulmate.
So how do you find that ideal relationship?
The key thing is to focus on creating your ideal life. To attract and create your ideal relationship, shift your focus away from attracting a partner and wanting a relationship.
Focus instead on creating the kind of life that you truly want. The kind of life that excites you so much that you jump out of bed every morning.
Once you are in such a clearing, your dream partner can simply walk in and join you. Your ideal relationship should be the icing on the cake that is your life and not the end all and be all of your life.
To create your ideal life, ask your self what it is going to be about. What do you want to do for a living and what do you want to contribute to the world? Where do you want to live and how much money do you want to make?
The key is to make your self truly happy right now and also to remain happy regardless of whether you are in a relationship or not.
This is not to say that you don’t go and have fun at things like speed dating. Just treat these as fun and social events. The trick with making the most of these events is to focus on your best points and be proud of that. For example, you may have a great smile – so show it off.
Also remember that it is okay to be rejected when asking someone out on a date. It is only their opinion and their choice. And with all dating related events, have no attachment to the outcome and have fun. Otherwise why would you even do it?
As for opening your heart for that dream partner, here are some tips:
1. Be Complete with Past Relationships
Drop the baggage from the past. Let go of hurts and resentments towards anyone from your past. Forgive and reconcile with that ex-partner who was so mean to you. The true test is to meet such a person from your past and to not feel any negative thoughts.
2. Be Open and Willing to be Vulnerable
This is a big one. Your heart might have been broken to bits in a previous relationship – and yet you have to be open and willing to put it on the line again.
What will it take for you to take a chance?
Have you been making excuses such as not having enough time for dating? Ask if this is just an excuse for not to be vulnerable.
3. Take Stock of How You Behaved in Previous Relationships
Since by definition you are single, your past relationships have not worked out for whatever reason. And like it or not, that makes you at least 50% responsible for them not working out.
Get clarity on what you contributed to those relationships not working out. Be kind to yourself as you do this. Do not make it an excuse to beat your self up all over again.
4. Review Your Beliefs About Relationships
What do you think should happen at different stages – from courtship to living together? What are your entrenched beliefs about the opposite sex?
For example, from your cultural heritage, what are the expected roles and duties of a partner?
5. Get Clear About What You Want in a Relationship
Make the fulfillment of your short term and long term needs the criteria for choosing a partner.
How will your partner augment and support your life goals? And how will you help them with theirs? Even more important, how happy and willing are you to compromise?
6.Become Clear About Who You Want
Define and get clear about your ideal relationship and partner. Be realistic, and ask what your needs are rather than your wants.
What must your relationship have? What are the absolute essentials for you to thrive?
7. Get Out There and Have Fun
Socialise and have fun so as to create a varied, rich life, to be part of a healthy supportive community, and to enhance your life. You will therefore focus not so much on meeting your partner but on creating a rich vibrant life, one which will be so attractive to a potentially dream catch.
Simply by having a fun and full life, you become so much more attractive.
Also remember that you can become special to attract the special one.
Open your heart and make room for your ideal partner. Once you have your life working for you, and you are happy, you will indeed attract the right partner.
Remember, you deserve the best. Don’t accept second best and don’t “settle down” – settle up!
Be brave, be vulnerable and open your heart. One day it will all prove to be so worthwhile.
Daily Exercise for Today
If you are single, then reflect on just open you are to meeting someone. Go through the above tips again and see what you can do in the next 7 days to meet and setup a date.
Then please share below how you found this experience.
And if you haven’t already done so, do check out the previous 11 articles in this series here:-)
28 Day Relationship Adventure
Postscript – Here are the complete 28 articles in this series from February 2011.
Please do check them all out:-)
1 – Become Aware of Your Relationships
2 – Love Yourself First Before Loving Anyone Else
3 – Love Yourself Without Becoming Full of Yourself
5 – 9 Simple Tips To Create Energising Relationships
6 – Why Decluttering your Friends is Good for You and Them
7 – Stop Bending over Backwards for Other People!
8 – 14 Key Strategies to Help You Become Special Too and Find the Special One!
9 – 10 Key Secrets for Becoming Likeable
10 – Don’t Fall in Love – Create Love
11 – Why You Should Create a Soulmate Relationship Rather Than Waiting for Your Soulmate!
12 – Open Your Heart and Find the Special One
13 – Create your ideal Valentine’s Day
14 – Make it a Fun Valentine’s Day Everyday!
15 – Make Your Relationship Even More Special
16 – Learn to Love Unconditionally
17 – 11 Keys to Improve ALL Your Relationships
18 – Why the Human Touch is Key
20 – Share Your Love with Your Loved Ones Everyday
21 – Stop Judging, Start Loving
22 – Simple Trick to Instantly Improve All Your Relationships
23 – Why No One Is Ever An Ugly Duckling!
24 – Why World Compassion Begins With You
25 – Why Teamwork Always Begins with YOU
26 – How to Let People Go From Your Life
Loving the continuous great reads you’re giving us Arvind, I’ve enjoyed them as individual articles, and as a greater whole. You’re doing a great job.
One thing I’ll take away from this article is the need for closure, to let go of the past and determine once and for all that what happened in the past is DONE. Time to move on. If you still find yourself attached to a previous partner, then you either need to work to eliminate that attachment, or if you can’t, decide whether or not your current relationship is working. Either way, closing off one avenue is far better than leaving both open.
I’ll be in Paris from tomorrow so I won’t be able to read the next few articles Arvind. Plenty of catching up for when I get back! 🙂
Stuart, thanks for your kind feedback – it seems I am being guided to write these articles. I decide on the day the topic of conversation.
It’s so important to truly let go of the past and know within yourself that the past is in the past, and it’s done. This is something I am working on myself. Time to move on!
I am generally great with closures but I know how I have still hold on to some things in my mind.
Hope you are enjoying Paris!
Hi Arvind! This is an important topic. I have a friend who has been in a relationship for about two years and even though the guy is a gem, she is not really in love with him. The fear to starting again and being along at her age scares her. She’d rather settle then venture out with an open heart: “Dare to open your heart, and welcome love into your life.” I trust that she’ll find the courage to open to all the beauty that life has in store for her.
Thanks for this beautiful account on relationships. Loving blessings!
Hi Andrea, welcome back to my blog.
It’s hard when you feel that you are not romantically in love with someone even though they might be such a great person.
Do you “settle” or do you seek out one you truly love? As someone who’s a romantic to his core, I would seek “the one”, assuming there is such a person!
Hope your friend finds what she’s looking for.
Loving blessings to you too:-)