Do you believe that there is one true love for everyone?
And have you put your life on hold till the time when you finally meet this person?
Let me be upfront and tell you right away that the romantic part of me loves the idea of a Soulmate – someone predestined to be with me. I am open minded about this concept whilst the logical part of me is not quite convinced.
A whole mythology has built up around the idea of having one soulmate – someone you are supposed to be together with for a lifetime until death – and even afterwards, if you believe in life after death and reincarnation.
The idea is that everyone has a pairing somewhere else on earth.
Maybe romance is not dead – we believe in love, and we are willing to search for that one special person we’re meant to spend our lives with.
However, the concept of connecting with your one and only soulmate could actually stop you if you are single from meeting many potential suitable partners.
And it could stop you from making the most of any relationship you are in, whilst you hanker after your fabled soulmate!
This is Day 11 of our 28 day relationships adventure in February 2011. You can read the previous 10 articles by following these links:-
Day 1 – Become Aware of Your Relationships
Day 2 – Love Yourself First Before Loving Anyone Else
Day 3 – Love Yourself Without Becoming Full of Yourself
Day 4 – Love is all that matters
Day 5 – 9 Simple Tips To Create Energising Relationships
Day 6 – Why Decluttering your Friends is Good for You and Them
Day 7 – Stop Bending over Backwards for Other People!
Day 8 – 14 Key Strategies to Help You Become Special Too and Find the Special One!
Day 9 – 10 Key Secrets for Becoming Likeable
Day 10 – Don’t Fall in Love – Create Love
You can also read all 28 articles from February 2011, which are listed at the bottom of this post.
Today, as we approach Valentine Day, on day 11 of our relationships adventure, I want to explore further this idea of a soulmate for each one of us.
Firstly, let’s get clear on what we mean by a soulmate:-
A soulmate (soul mate) is a person with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, similarity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, or compatibility. A related concept is that of the twin flame or twin soul, which is thought to be the ultimate soulmate. In New Age spirituality, the ultimate soulmate is the one and only other half of one’s soul. – Wiki
Every person seems to have a different idea of what they mean by a soulmate. For some, their soulmate is someone who completes you and makes you blissfully happy forever. This however implies that your happiness is dependent on someone else being in your life.
Plato also described this twin-soul concept 2,500 years ago:-
” … and when one of them meets the other half, the actual half of himself, the pair are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy and one will not be out of the other’s sight even for a moment…” – Plato
Some couples really do have a soulmate type connection. You meet some couples – and you can feel how close and strong their connection is.
And with other couples, you wonder how they ever got together in the first place!
An Indian friend met her future husband at a house party in New York City. It was only after they had been dating a few months they realised that ten years before they had been living in Paris, just a block apart at the same time and had been visiting the same deli and laundrette for six months!
Such stories keep romantics in their soulmate dreamland.
Genetically we are programmed to co-create – and maybe we need a “soulmate” for our deeper needs of fulfilment.
For people who ardently believe in the idea of a soulmate, the thinking goes something like this – there is one person out there in the whole wide world who is meant to be for me – and we are supposed to meet and be together for the rest of our lives. And until I meet him or her, I’ll put my life on hold – and the moment we meet, my life will be magically transformed.
Do you believe in true love, and are you really willing to wait for that one special person that you are supposed to spend your life with?
What if Everyone You Meet is Your “Soulmate”?
There is another school of thought that every person you have any kind of relationship with is a “soul mate” – someone who is predestined as part of your journey of growth and discovery in this life.
Others believe that a soulmate is not necessarily destined to make you happy but is here to have a huge impact on your life, for better or for worse.
Such ideas are beyond the scope of this article and I will simply focus here on the concept of a soul mate being your significant-other life partner.
How do you know if someone is your soulmate when you first him or her?
Well, you’ll go weak in the knees and you will feel giddy and it’ll be as if time has come to a standstill. Ok, maybe not – just kidding!
Perhaps you already have an idea of what it would be like to meet a soulmate.
Look back on your own life – there might have been a time when you met someone with whom you had an instant and profound connection. Someone you could relate to and talk to very easily. Someone you could share anything with.
Also, you had a kind of knowing as if you had known this person all your life. If you have experienced such an encounter, then this is what a soulmate feels like.
Though finding such a person can be a life-changing event, you could meet so many such people in your life.
A connection with a true soulmate, therefore, goes much deeper – call it true love if you like, but I am guessing that you will just know when you have met “the one”. Someone with whom you’ll have a deeper connection than anyone else before.
We are seduced by the idea of that special one out there for all of us – the one who will take all your troubles away – and make the world right for you.
So let’s get clear about the sort of qualities that people think a soulmate might have:-
- Recognition of each other’s specialness
- Easy to get on and communicate with
- Instant chemistry and special bond
- Common core values
- Kind of knowingness
How does this idea of a soulmate really help you improve your relationship?
Choose Your Soulmate
Let’s turn the picture around and look at how you can create a soulmate-type relationship with the person you are with, or with the next person you meet.
Firstly, having an idea of what your soulmate would be like helps you eliminate a lot of potential mismatches. So for example, a person with really different values would most likely not be a soulmate. Also in a relationship, an abusive partner would not be a soulmate.
More importantly, having an idea of what your soulmate would be like helps you to create the sort of relationship you really, really want.
In reality, you can fall in love with a large number of potential partners – the crucial thing is for you to be aware of just what kind of person and lifestyle is right for you – before your emotions and hormones get in the way!
If you are willing to give it a go, almost any relationship can be a soulmate-type relationship.
Yes granted, creating such a relationship will take a lot of hard work. Yet too many people nowadays are so used to quick fixes and getting everything they want quickly and easily, they give up on a relationship as soon as the going gets tough.
Your soulmate is someone who brings the best out of you – and is there for you through thick and thin.
As long as your outlook on the key things such as life goals, core values, children, humour etc are in harmony, then you already have a core foundation for a soulmate-type relationship.
At the same time, being with someone long term was never meant to be easy – both of you have to be equally willing to work on your relationship.
So in reality, you can actually choose who your soulmate is!
Create a Soulmate-Like Relationship
The real question is not when you will meet your soulmate, but what you are willing to do to create a soulmate-like relationship.
So stop waiting for your soulmate to show up in your life – and instead go out there and create a soulmate-type relationship. And if you are already in a relationship, then do what it takes to transform it.
If you are still looking for your “soulmate”, then just remember these key points:-
- Be open to how your soulmate shows up – you could meet at your local supermarket
- Put yourself out there so you increase the chance of meeting someone suitable
- Make the most of yourself – make yourself special
- Be prepared to stick through thin and thick
- Create shared experiences – this will strengthen your relationship, especially during the down-times
So do you believe in soulmates?
If so, have you met yours? And what makes your partner your soulmate?
Please do share below
Daily Exercise for Today
Go through the above article again, and see what a soulmate-type relationship means to you.
Then if you are in a relationship, spend ten minutes on how you can make your relationship soulmate-like. Finally, do one thing today that will take your relationship to a deeper level.
If you are single, then create a vision of what your future soulmate-type relationship will look like.
Then please share below your thoughts.
And if you haven’t already done so, do check out the previous 10 articles in this series here:-)
28 Day Relationship Adventure
Postscript – Here are the complete 28 articles in this series from February 2011.
Please do check them all out:-)